Humor, Post a joke or two.

[-Antonio-]

I used to think this one was funny when I was a kid...

So Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are going through a divorce and when they took it to court the Judge said, "Im sorry Mickey you cant divorce her because shes weird." Mickey shot back, "I didnt say she was weird, I said she was ****IN GOOFY!"

Pretty weak I know

[-Antonio-]

Anybody know any Helen Keller jokes? Man I know some ****ed up ones, but they are only funny to tell in person.

[!! AI-Holmes!!]

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me".

His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.

"You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're disgusting" etc.

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."

She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars".

"Ah, yes." says the man. "He pee'd in my trousers too".

[!! AI-Holmes!!]

Little johnny was riding tricycle up a hill and one wheel popped off johnny said god dammit and the preacher said don't say god dammit say god bless so johnny put the wheel back on and went back up the hill and all three wheels came off and johnny said god!!! the preacher said to say god bless and johnny said god bless all three wheels popped back on and the preacher said god dam!!!

[Scott9945]

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?




A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

That was a good one...

[!! AI-Holmes!!]

A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
So the blonde whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

[!! AI-Holmes!!]

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The Husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

[!! AI-Holmes!!]

[DA1CATAS]

I used to think this one was funny when I was a kid...

So Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are going through a divorce and when they took it to court the Judge said, "Im sorry Mickey you cant divorce her because shes weird." Mickey shot back, "I didnt say she was weird, I said she was ****IN GOOFY!"

Pretty weak I know

lol that was good...

[Floyd Sinclair]

I would **** kim kardashian even if she had a bald head, a hitler stash, and aids

:wank: :wank: