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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"Comment
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What did the blind, deaf, ******ed kid get for Christmas?
AIDS!Comment
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Yo' mama so fat, her beeper goes off and people think she's backing up!Comment
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Speaking of AIDSOriginally posted by Dirt E Gomez View Post
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, *****."Comment
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Would you swear on your dancing skills that that story is true?Comment
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Yo' mama's breath stinks so bad, people look forward to her farts!Comment
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Yo' mama so ugly, her dog humps her leg with its eyes closed!Comment
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John is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "John, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "John, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘John, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "John, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "John , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "John, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. John gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "John, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "John, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! John shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me, John says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-****ing-believable!"
One of my all time favorites:
A man walks into a bar looking disappointed and carrying a black bag over one shoulder. He sits down at the bar. The bartender walks up. "What`s in the bag?", asks the bartender. The man puts the bag on the bar, reaches in and pulls out a baby grand piano, a small bench and a 12 inch tall man wearing a top hat and a tux with tails. The 12 inch tall man sits down at the piano and begins playing Beethoven. "That`s amazing!" says the bartender, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Where did he come from?". The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a genie lamp. "Rub the lamp" he says, pushing the lamp toward the bartender. The bartender grabs the lamp and begins rubbing it vigorously with his bar rag. Out pops an old, wrinkled genie. "I grant you one wish" he says to the bartender. "I want a million bucks!" says the bartender. "Done" says the genie. The genie disappears back into the lamp. Moments pass. Suddenly a duck appears on the bar with a poof. Then another....and another. They appear on the bar stools...on the tables...on the Budweiser sign on the wall. POOF...POOF...POOF. Thousands...tens of thousands of ducks begin to fill the bar! "Christ!" shouts the bartender. "I didn't`t say ducks!" he yells, "I said bucks!". The man at the bar looks at the bartender, "You think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"Last edited by Dirt E Gomez; 09-03-2008, 08:19 PM.Comment
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Yo Mama is like a elephant, she rolls on her back for peanuts.Comment
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