Pinoy Lang

[peyk-peyk]

Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. One from the Philippines, another from Mexico and an American. They went with a White House official to examine the fence.

The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works out some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, " What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid?

"Easy," the Pinoy explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico".

The Filipino got the contract!

^^^^^^^^^^

eto magandang e-post sa hispanic lounge.

[MaD RoBoT]

Rudy & Jenny, both divorced from their previous marriages, decides to tie the knot after being together for a while.

J: Rudy I've been waiting for you for all my life. My first three husbands all cheated on me, "It wasn't that way with them. I know I'm not a supermodel. I'm pretty but it's girl next door pretty. And I get the idea that you like that. You really want a partner and best friend that you can **** a lot. That's what I want too. I'm not one of those girls who are going to withhold their favors to get what they want. I definitely give up the pu$$y, but only to one person. My man. I'll stay with you forever Rudy. I'll grow old with you. And we're really not too old we're only in our mid thirties. I'll have your babies. Anything you want I'll do. Just promise me one thing. Don't ever cheat on me."

R: "How'd you go through the other husbands though,"

J: "Remember when you made the decision to get your revenge on Justine (Rudy's ex-wife) and her lovers?" "Well it's kind of the same for me. My first husband died from eating poison mushrooms. He had a really bad reaction and went into anaphylactic shock. He died horribly and painfully right in front of me."

J: "My second husband died from eating poison mushrooms too. It was a really weird coincidence. I should tell you that I make pepper steak too,"

R: "What about your last husband?

J: "You're not a cheater, "You and I will live together forever."

R: "Uhm I meant the guy who came before me,

J: "Oh, he died of a fractured skull,

R: "Wow, How did that happen?

J: That bastard wouldn't eat the mushrooms.

[MaD RoBoT]

TEACHER: imagine u are a millionaire
write your life history
(1 boy didn’t write)
TEACHER: why are u not writing?
BOY: i’m waiting for my secretary!

[MaD RoBoT]

MADRE: Ano ang apelyido mo, iho?

SAKRISTAN: Alam nyo na ho yun sister, lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan.

MADRE: Susmaryosep! Bayag ba ang apelyido mo?!

SAKRISTAN: Sister naman, Rosario po.

[MaD RoBoT]

Sa restaurant

LOLO: Pwe! WAITER!!!

Waiter: Yes Sir?

LOLO: Ano ba ‘tong steak na ‘to? Ang tigas tigas!

(Tinikman ng waiter ang steak)

Waiter: Malambot naman po at juicy pa.

LOLO: Paano ‘di lalambot ‘yan? 30 minutes ko ng nginunguya.

[MaD RoBoT]

Sa EDSA ay may isang Vendor ng Mani ang sumakay ng bus. Inaalok ang 1 babae:
VENDOR : Miss, bili n kyo ng Mani
BABAE : Ay ayoko, tina-tagyawat ako sa Mani eh….
VENDOR : Buti k p s “Mani” tinatagyawat, ako s “Mukha”!.

[MaD RoBoT]

TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?

BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.

TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?

BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!

TEACHER: baket naman?

BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.

[MaD RoBoT]

bata:tao po! meron po ba kayong balonggam?

tendero:wala!

(pagkabukas)
bata:tao po! meron po ba kayong balonggam?
tendero:wala!

(pagkabukas ulit)
bata:tao po! meron po ba kayong balonggam?
tendero:sinabi ng wala!,pagbumalik ka pa bukas babarilin na kita!

(pagkabukas na nman)
bata:tao po! meron po ba kayong baril?
tendero:wala!
bata:heheheh! pero meron na kayong balonggam?

[MaD RoBoT]

BOY: Lola ingat po kayo dyan…. nangangagat ho ang mga aso dyan.

LOLA: alam ko iho. sa tanda kong to wala pa kong nakitang aso na nanununtok… A*** ka ba?

[MaD RoBoT]

MRS: Lord, bigyan ninyo ako ng P1,000 kasi anak ko na sa ospital.

(Narinig ng pulis, naawa, binigyan ng P500.)

MRS: Lord, next time huwag niyong ipadaan sa pulis, Nabawasan agad.