[PLEASE HELP] My poem for creative writing class.

[Hitman932]

So I needed 4 more credits to graduate and my school said I could just take a class at CC to satisfy my requirements so I have a creative writing class and the teacher publishes a small book each year for distribution in the community. She liked my poem and wants to put it in the book, what do you guys think of it?

I Did The Work And Dug The Grave
By: Jason

Standing alone upon the road
The gravel traveling 'neath my feet
I see the The Devil's mask, a mortal's task
I have been humbled by deceit

A shadowed fog does now descend
The murdered midnight screams
A slivered moon destroys the darkness
Infects, dissects my dreams

Outside the frozen rope of time
The charred and chained remains
With winters bite they shall ignite
In a cold and lonesome flame

I did the work and dug the grave
Pulled a poisoned past apart
Returned and burned all that I'd learned
Before I did depart

Blown by furious storm, soul so worn
Seeking shelter from this pain
I recall the site, a touch so light
Was like a ghost upon my brain

A voice so clear, "come close don't fear"
Lead me deep into the ground
Where I found a space, a forgotten place
I disappeared without a sound.

[K-Nan]

Good ****.

What does the ending symbolize? Suicide?

[Spare Moody]

pretty grim but fuckin awesome nonetheless.

[Hitman932]

Good ****.

What does the ending symbolize? Suicide?

Not to me, I guess it could depending on how you interpret.

But my meaning was to look inward to find peace and quiet when you feel like life is too much.

[K-Nan]

Not to me, I guess it could depending on how you interpret.

But my meaning was to look inward to find peace and quiet when you feel like life is too much.

I understand. I like that concept.

[MANGLER]

Good read. I was thinkin it was about suicide too.

[Hitman932]

pretty grim but fuckin awesome nonetheless.

Thanks.

I used to write a lot when I was younger and then I turned more to songwriting when I started playing guitar.

I liked the poem, but I didn't get much feedback in class. I hd a girl who was my editing partner and all she did was read my stuff and say "wow, thats really good, mine sucks"

Honest feedback appreciated. Good or Bad.

[Hitman932]

I understand. I like that concept.

My approach has always been to write things that are slightly vague in the sense that they are essentially 2-dimensional and leave it up to the reader to personally determine the 3rd for themselves.

[BOLLOCKS]

Congrats, lad. You should ask your teach if she could put my poem in her book too.

Beezy You Fine

You are the Sun
You are the Rain
You are what I can’t have
You and me are together
Only in a Dream
The MVP of my Team
And it Seem
Like the season has come to an End
But I still like to Pretend
I had a chance
To get inside your Pants
Did I say pants?
I meant to say Heart
Apart from that being
A difficult Task
I must Ask
And I’ll do this Fast
Let me grab a handful of that Ass
If you let me do this I’ll take off my Mask
Then we could make Love at Last.

By rich loc

[Hitman932]

Congrats, lad. You should ask your teach if she could put my poem in her book too.

She probably could fit it into the book. It's on par with a lot of stuff my classmates turned in.