Funniest Fighter Ever!!!

It ain't a boxer but these quotes from Rampage Jackson are gems. I been laughin' for days: On MMA: "Well the weird thing about me is that I grew up fighting and one of my friends introduced me to it (MMA) and I was like, 'Whoa, you mean I can beat up white dudes and not go to jail?'" Rampage and PRIDE announcer Mauro Ranallo calling a Kevin Randleman fight: Ranallo: "There's a left by Jackson ... or make that Randleman, sorry" Rampage: "Thats alright, all black folks look alike." Interview with PRIDE announcer Stephen Quadros: Quadros: "Rampage, where do you see yourself in 2 years?" Rampage: "Well, right now I'm 23, so in two years, I see myself 25." On his UFC debut against Marvin Eastman: "I love Marvin, he's like a brother to me. But right now it's time for some black-on-black crime." Interview before his rematch against Chuck Liddell: Question: "Chuck said in his pre-fight interview it's gonna be a first round knockout. What do you have to say about that?" Rampage: "If he plans on getting knocked out in the first round that's his business." On who is his role model: "Right now, Chuck Liddell is my role model. I really look up to him, mainly because he is taller then me." On what impresses him about Chuck Liddell: "His Mohawk. I'm impressed with how he keeps his Mohawk looking like that every time I see him. I'm really impressed with that. I wonder if he cuts it himself, if he has a barber or does he have a stencil thing he puts on his head so he doesn't mess it up? Chuck keeps that Mohawk looking like that all the time." On his main concern about fighting Liddell: "I don't want to kill him. It's a sport you know, I just hope he survives." After beating Chuck Liddell for the UFC title: "You can make a mistake and get caught in a submission, but Chuck made a mistake and he got caught in an ass whoopin'." "I'm gonna put rims on my car, my scooter, my shoes and my everything." "The drinks are on the house if you get somebody to buy you one." On being the victor at the end of the fight: "I like to see my hand raised at the end of the night. I like when the ref raises my hand. That's why I shave my armpits like the professionals wrestlers. I like to see my arm raised." On the new UFC video game: "I never get black eyes ... because I am black." Joking about his friend Tito Ortiz having a large head: "They made a Tito bobblehead but that (thing) wouldn’t bobble, it would just fall down to one side and stay there." On getting into brawls: "I want to avoid every punch you throw at me, but I'm not scared to get hit. But I'm not just going to let everybody hit me. What the hell's wrong with you?" On his style of fighting: "My style is 'whoop that ass.'" On his taping of the "UFC All Access" show for Spike TV: "All access was every where man, they even followed me in the bathroom, I give all access to a number two!" On his rematch against PRIDE light-heavyweiht champion Wanderlei Silva: "When I beat Wanderlei, I'm a take his belt, pull his pants down and spank him for bein so ugly." Post-fight interview after Jackson fought Matt Lindland: Stephen Quadros: "Was that like fighting an octopus?" Rampage: "Man, that was like fighting a big ass smelly skunk. Matt you need to take a shower man." During a post-fight interview: "If I forgot a sponsor, then you aint paying me enough." On PRIDE heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko: "He's a baaaad man. He's a nice guy, though." On his fight purses: "Yo man, I need to get paid. I got a ton of kids. I have like a kid every 30 seconds. Wait, what time is it? Damn, there's another one. Told ya." On his fighting philosophy: "When someone tries to force themselves upon you, you have to impose yourself upon them. And doing so, you whooping they ass." On fighting Ricardo Arona: "I wanna fight him because I don't know him and he's in the video game, and I'm not." On the MMA crowds in Japan: "In Japan, the crowd is quiet, this one time I heard a cute girl fart in the second row." Some random Rampage quotes: "My momma said never trust a catfish with a mustache." "I don't mean to make excuses for all my losses, but I can make excuses for all my losses." "I ain't no one's punching bag. I go to the gym and see punching bags, and they black. But I ain't no one's punching bag." "when I win the pride belt, I'm going to do everything with the pride belt. when I'm playing video games, I will play with the Pride belt. when I'm taking a sh*t, I am gonna take it with the Pride belt. when I'm f*cking, Im gonna f*ck with the Pride belt" "That money would look GOOD in my pocket. I want the money, you know what I could do that with money. You dont know what i could do with that money, I could do some THANGS with that money" "Trainings been good, Ive been drinkin less, playin less video games. So tell Chuck to suck in that gut, put hishands up, and do his sh*t" this quote is posted in the guestbook of his official fansite "F*CK YOU FANS KNOW EVERYTHING! SH*T IM GONNA START LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER WHEN I'M JACKING OFF!" Interviewer: Rampage, what do you see in the future outcome of this fight? Rampage: Man I ain't got no crystal ball, I just got two balls, know what I'm sayin? Quadros: "Now let me introduce you to a man with class, a man with family values: Quinton Jackson" Rampage: *bleep* Quadros: "If the world were devoid of cursing, what would you say?" Rampage: *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* Quadros: Do you feel slighted that you have to fight a "stronger" fighter in the Grand Prix than Wanderlei? Jackson: Slighted!? sh*t don't use big words Im only a fighter To Wanderlei Silva (the guy in my sig) before the match "Me Amy, good gorilla! *beats his chest* "You know what it feel like to get yo ass whoop by a black man? that **** hurt". MMA WEEKLY: Rampage, what have u been up to since ur fight with wanderlei? RAMPAGE: A lot, i beat 3 games. FAN: Rampage, did you always thought you were gonna be a fighter? RAMPAGE: "hell no, I thought I was gonna be a porn star!" "My friends from college took me to a show, and these wrestlers up their kicking ass. I was like damn, you could get paid for kicking ass, and you don't go to jail? Sign me up! 2 months later I was fighting dawg!" when chuck liddell say he hurt him during the first time then rampage said "i don't remember being hurt by liddell, but maybe he hit me so hard that i forgot i don't know, i just don't remember" "I invited you out for drinks Chuck, on me, even though they would have been free cause were famous, BUT STILL!! You should have come Chuck......"