A Fat Yankess has started working in our office...

[!! Anorak]

So last week she got a friend of hers, another Fat Yankistanian, hired. This is how it starts... next thing you know, the rest of the company will have to live in the desert in reservations while they all take over.

Anyway, when I heard she was bringing a friend over, my first thoughts were:

1. I bet she's FAT.
2. I bet she's a right noisy bitch.

Well, I have to put my hands up this once....... for once, the stereotype was WRONG.




































Nah, only fucking with you. She's MASSIVE. It's like she met Willy Wonka and he gave her TEN chewing gums. Absolutely fucking WHALE, she is.

The worst part is, I try to be friendly to her, and it's an office where people bring in cakes and sweets (candy, Fat Yanks), so when she's working on reception - which means no one else can get in the building, natch - I go out and say "have you seen there's cakes on the fridge in the office?"

I mean, talk about conversations that go without saying. Of COURSE she's seen. The ****'s eaten 90% of them by the time I get back in.

She's HAIRY as well, like a grizzly from Alaska.

And when these two Fat Yankistanians are together, they're chatting away in the office, like a right pair of noisy fat fuckers.


"HEY HONEY, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?"
"HEY, JEEZ, I'M GREAT - I GOTS TO GO TO A PRE-SEN-TATION."



Bloody fat fucking Fat Yanks.

[Sparked_26]

Hmm, I can see where this is headed.

I bet both apply to HR for a special ergonomic chair with arse extensions and a cup holder for their jars of goose fat.

They’ll be talking about how their chair doesn’t support them properly when there are ex-mining towns in this country that they would blow straight through and begin their journeys to the abyss if they set foot upon them.

[scap]

I think you should make love to her.

Make sure you you are gentle with her and at the same time get as deep as possible.

[!! Anorak]

I think you should make love to her.

Make sure you you are gentle with her and at the same time get as deep as possible.

Hey Scap, long time no see.

What gets me is when two Fat Yankistanians are in range of each other, the VOLUME becomes unbearable.

[AddiX]

As a yank , this is pretty much how I feel when I go anywhere that isnt the east or west coast.

It's like they train people in the south and middle America that being fat, dumb, and loud, makes you a success.

The number you are the more they celebrate you in those parts of the country.

[!! Anorak]

I honestly come into work some days now, look at the new whale, and think "would I get fired if I gave her a kick in the cunt?"

She's as loud as ****, and the size of a small house. Hairy arms, too.

But I looked at her mouth, and it's actually quite small. That impressed me, because I've got a relatively big gob and I've stuffed my face non-stop over Christmas, but I've still only gone a bit overweight. Whereas she's got a tiny mouth but her ass takes up half the office. That's dedication and effort right there.

[BoxingFan85]

I honestly come into work some days now, look at the new whale, and think "would I get fired if I gave her a kick in the cunt?"

She's as loud as ****, and the size of a small house. Hairy arms, too.

But I looked at her mouth, and it's actually quite small. That impressed me, because I've got a relatively big gob and I've stuffed my face non-stop over Christmas, but I've still only gone a bit overweight. Whereas she's got a tiny mouth but her ass takes up half the office. That's dedication and effort right there.

You should check if her arsehole and vagina to be small too..

[i_am_a_champ]

I honestly come into work some days now, look at the new whale, and think "would I get fired if I gave her a kick in the cunt?"

She's as loud as ****, and the size of a small house. Hairy arms, too.

But I looked at her mouth, and it's actually quite small. That impressed me, because I've got a relatively big gob and I've stuffed my face non-stop over Christmas, but I've still only gone a bit overweight. Whereas she's got a tiny mouth but her ass takes up half the office. That's dedication and effort right there.

Id shag her , mate

And so would you

Shes a michellen woman

[Curtis Harper]

You work in a MAGA merchandise sweatshop(pe). You have to expect Americans going over for quality control.

[!! Anorak]

So the whale sails back into the office today, spouting out of her blowhole.

For some reason, a LOAD of people have got into the habit of saying "literally" all the ****ing time, especially when there's nothing literal involved at all.

This noisy whale starts talking about Game of Thrones - it was a 1-to-1 conversation but the entire office had to hear it, noisy Yank - and she says "literally" in the conversation. But, of course, being a Fat Yankess, she doesn't pronounce the "T" (which explains why Yanks never get to say "too much food") and says it "lidderally", which is ten times even more ****ing annoying than usual.

Then the ****ing whale goes "I'm lidderally Ayra from Game of Thrones."

I thought to myself "You're literally Ayra? You're actually a fictional character in a television series? Or are you talking bull****? You ****ing lie to me like that again, cunt, and I'll cut you."

Fucking BITCH.