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Originally posted by punchr
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Ever since I could remember, I've always been a loser with women. I don't know how to talk to women. I freeze up and get nervous in the presence of females -- even cousins and aunts, which makes no fucking sense.
When I was a boy, I was sitting down on a couch in the living room across from my older female cousin. Our eyes met a few times. I didn't say anything. I just froze. No words were said that day. That was the first time I can remember feeling anxiety around a girl.
In 1999, I was playing tetherball by myself in my backyard. I was totally free and having fun. The song "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys just came out. My parents bought me their CD, so I had all the words memorized.
You are my fire. The one desire. Believe when I say I want it that way.
Tell me why. Ain't nothing but a heartache. Tell me why. Ain't nothing but a mistake. Tell me why. I never want to hear you say I want it that way.
All of a sudden, two girls popped their heads over the fence. I was no longer alone.
They giggled.
"You sing really good."
At that moment, my eight-year-old heart stopped. I was paralyzed. I just stared at them in fear.
I didn't say a word. I just stood there staring at them -- physically and mentally incapacitated.
They eventually got uncomfortable -- or perhaps weirded out -- and slowly lowered their heads from the fence.
I was intimidated by her extrovertedness. I really thought she was making fun of me. In hindsight, they were just intrigued by the singing boy next door.
In 1998, on my first day of second grade a red-headed, freckle-faced girl saw me sitting by myself during recess. I wasn't playing like the rest of the kids. I was just sitting by myself. She sat next to me and showed concern for me. She was nice. She had a heart.
In a very nurturing way, she asked me what was wrong. She comforted me.
Five years later, two girls approached me in middle school. They saw me sitting alone on the outdoor lunch tables. They sat next to me and asked why I was sitting by myself.
They seemed genuinely caring so I opened up to them.
I've always been a loser with women. It's who I am.
In 2004, when I was a seventh-grader I was blindsided by a huge, unprovoked, heart-breaking psychological blow.
With an untrustworthy smirk on his face, a boy asked a girl in front of me,
"Would you go out with him?"
She gave off a look like she bit into a lemon. Her face scrunched up and she said loudly and clearly, "Eww, no. He’s ugly!"
I was hurt.
She hurt me.
That bitch hurt me.
In 2007 during high school, I hung out with a group of friends that included two girls. I spent virtually every lunch with those two girls but never talked to them. I didn’t know what to say. I still don't.
In 2009, one of my female classmates showed interest in me.
I was once again met by the anxiety that has imprisoned me my whole life.
One day in computer lab she looked back and smiled at me.
I was instantly overcome by a feeling of fear and looked away. I was scared to engage with her.
Her grin dissipated into a spirit-broken look of disappointment. She looked a little demoralized. And I racked up yet another L with women. Further proof that I am a fucking loser.
After I abruptly dropped out of college, I was at the lowest point in my life. I was overweight, I smoked cigarettes, got drunk of O.E., and ate junk food.
I was at rock bottom. I had spiraled down a dark place of shame, heart-brokenness and regret.
I was down but not out.
I quit smoking, drinking, and eating junk food. For the next few years, I focused my energy on working out and eating right.
Every morning at sunrise, I would go jogging in my neighborhood. I was in the best shape of my life. I lost a lot of weight.
When I went running, I meant it. I was in my office. I was in my zone. I did road work with purpose.
A woman saw me running the same route every morning. She noticed my ambitiousness and would run outside and yell compliments at me.
"Hey! You lost a lot of weight! Good job! You look great."
"Thank you," I shouted, standing across the street.
She would often run out of her house and say things to me.
Looking back on the whole situation, I believe she wanted me to come up to her and have a proper conversation with her. I never did. I was unsure and let the moments to talk to her pass. I didn't know how to properly interact with her -- and I regret it. But whatever.
A female coworker once approached me and told me,
"You lost a lot of weight. What's your secret?" She had energy and enthusiasm in her voice. "Me and my girlfriend were like 'Wow, hey, that guy lost a lot of weight.' "
I was surprised and taken back by her compliment. A girl came up to me unprovoked and gave me praise. I thought, "This is interesting." I told her a little bit about my regiment and thanked her for her niceness.
In that same timeframe, another sexy female coworker walked past my work area and said, "You look different without your glasses."
Once again I froze.
I didn't say anything.
She lingered around me for a while until her friend grabbed her by the hand and led her away hurriedly.
A guy who witnessed the debacle asked, "Too much action for you, man?"
I've always been a loser with women -- even when they showed interest in me. I'm just one big fuck-up. And that's being real.
When I was a boy, I was sitting down on a couch in the living room across from my older female cousin. Our eyes met a few times. I didn't say anything. I just froze. No words were said that day. That was the first time I can remember feeling anxiety around a girl.
In 1999, I was playing tetherball by myself in my backyard. I was totally free and having fun. The song "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys just came out. My parents bought me their CD, so I had all the words memorized.
You are my fire. The one desire. Believe when I say I want it that way.
Tell me why. Ain't nothing but a heartache. Tell me why. Ain't nothing but a mistake. Tell me why. I never want to hear you say I want it that way.
All of a sudden, two girls popped their heads over the fence. I was no longer alone.
They giggled.
"You sing really good."
At that moment, my eight-year-old heart stopped. I was paralyzed. I just stared at them in fear.
I didn't say a word. I just stood there staring at them -- physically and mentally incapacitated.
They eventually got uncomfortable -- or perhaps weirded out -- and slowly lowered their heads from the fence.
I was intimidated by her extrovertedness. I really thought she was making fun of me. In hindsight, they were just intrigued by the singing boy next door.
In 1998, on my first day of second grade a red-headed, freckle-faced girl saw me sitting by myself during recess. I wasn't playing like the rest of the kids. I was just sitting by myself. She sat next to me and showed concern for me. She was nice. She had a heart.
In a very nurturing way, she asked me what was wrong. She comforted me.
Five years later, two girls approached me in middle school. They saw me sitting alone on the outdoor lunch tables. They sat next to me and asked why I was sitting by myself.
They seemed genuinely caring so I opened up to them.
I've always been a loser with women. It's who I am.
In 2004, when I was a seventh-grader I was blindsided by a huge, unprovoked, heart-breaking psychological blow.
With an untrustworthy smirk on his face, a boy asked a girl in front of me,
"Would you go out with him?"
She gave off a look like she bit into a lemon. Her face scrunched up and she said loudly and clearly, "Eww, no. He’s ugly!"
I was hurt.
She hurt me.
That bitch hurt me.
In 2007 during high school, I hung out with a group of friends that included two girls. I spent virtually every lunch with those two girls but never talked to them. I didn’t know what to say. I still don't.
In 2009, one of my female classmates showed interest in me.
I was once again met by the anxiety that has imprisoned me my whole life.
One day in computer lab she looked back and smiled at me.
I was instantly overcome by a feeling of fear and looked away. I was scared to engage with her.
Her grin dissipated into a spirit-broken look of disappointment. She looked a little demoralized. And I racked up yet another L with women. Further proof that I am a fucking loser.
After I abruptly dropped out of college, I was at the lowest point in my life. I was overweight, I smoked cigarettes, got drunk of O.E., and ate junk food.
I was at rock bottom. I had spiraled down a dark place of shame, heart-brokenness and regret.
I was down but not out.
I quit smoking, drinking, and eating junk food. For the next few years, I focused my energy on working out and eating right.
Every morning at sunrise, I would go jogging in my neighborhood. I was in the best shape of my life. I lost a lot of weight.
When I went running, I meant it. I was in my office. I was in my zone. I did road work with purpose.
A woman saw me running the same route every morning. She noticed my ambitiousness and would run outside and yell compliments at me.
"Hey! You lost a lot of weight! Good job! You look great."
"Thank you," I shouted, standing across the street.
She would often run out of her house and say things to me.
Looking back on the whole situation, I believe she wanted me to come up to her and have a proper conversation with her. I never did. I was unsure and let the moments to talk to her pass. I didn't know how to properly interact with her -- and I regret it. But whatever.
A female coworker once approached me and told me,
"You lost a lot of weight. What's your secret?" She had energy and enthusiasm in her voice. "Me and my girlfriend were like 'Wow, hey, that guy lost a lot of weight.' "
I was surprised and taken back by her compliment. A girl came up to me unprovoked and gave me praise. I thought, "This is interesting." I told her a little bit about my regiment and thanked her for her niceness.
In that same timeframe, another sexy female coworker walked past my work area and said, "You look different without your glasses."
Once again I froze.
I didn't say anything.
She lingered around me for a while until her friend grabbed her by the hand and led her away hurriedly.
A guy who witnessed the debacle asked, "Too much action for you, man?"
I've always been a loser with women -- even when they showed interest in me. I'm just one big fuck-up. And that's being real.
Nervousness around women is normal but only you can change that. Start by talking to a female family member then work your way up. You will miss out on a lot man, dont let this get the better of you.
You can always speak to a therapist too
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