The complete and honest guide to every boxing weight class

[sugarsmosley]

Glad to hear you guys are enjoyed this stupid ****. Let's crack on with today's entry....


light heavyweights - ring magazine ratings
champion: Adonis stevenson
1. Sergey kovalev
2. Bernard hopkins
3. Jean pascal
4. Juergen braehmer
5. Eleider alvarez
6. Isaac chilemba
7. Artur beterbiev
8. Andrzej fonfara
9. Nadjib mohammedi
10. Thomas oosthuizen


now, this is a good division. And the key to that is that you've got two crowd-friendly (despite a lacklustre 2014 for stevenson) ko artists who are in the same division, with the possibility of them fighting each other down the road.

Now, granted, the full genius of this looks unlikely to be exploited as stevenson fucked off to another tv network and kovalev has expressed no desire to dress up as general zod. It doesn't matter... We'll probably get to see the bout five years after everyone's stopped giving a shit, where they'll put it on with a crap undercard and call it "fight of the century". But just the possibility that it could happen is mouth-watering. That's the joy of a division that's top heavy with two great fighters in it.

Think about it like this... You see a show advertised called "ten people beat the crap out of beercules", and the tickets are just $50. That's only $5 per beating, so you go along, buying some popcorn in the stalls before you check in.

You get in there, and the first eight people are just a bunch of gaylords from the local faggot bar, taking turns to tickle beercules and give him chinese burns. You, and the rest of the crowd, shout out "i paid $50 for this bullshit?!!???"

but then out come the last two combatants. The dwarf who made beercules step back, and beercules's sister - a fresh wine bottle in one hand, mean intentions in the other.

Suddenly you watch as the dwarf curb stomps beercules, yer boy beer helplessly looking out for his buddies, as he calls out to friends "hold me back, guys, hold me back", fresh shit pouring down the backs of his legs and filling his socks.

Then his sister joins in, repeatedly using his head as a bottle bank, while beercules lies on the floor, crying his eyes out and threatening to call the police like a fuggen beta. When you get out of the show, someone turns to you and asks you what you thought of the first eight contestants. By that stage, you don't even remember the first eight, you've just laughed so hard you've got to rush home to wash the piss out of your pants.

That, my friends, is the beauty of a division headed by two good men. But it's not all just about them, though. Sure, i've never been a bore hard fan - the human mogadon tablet - and these days if i want to watch someone mauling opponents and headbutting them in the face, i've got andre ward fights i can see. But take no.8, andrzej fonfara. In a multiverse out there, he's just a bolt upright, jug-eared polish fucktard who put on a better than expected showing against stevenson and fuck all else. Thankfully we live in a dimension where he made the never-likeable chavez jr. Say "i think i was winning the fight before i quit like a sissy"... For that alone, the **** deserves a knighthood.

Or what about jean pascal? Sure, he's a gas out, and got convincingly outboxed by carl froch a few years back. (being outboxed by carl froch... The equivalent of being told you're the most boring **** in the room when you're standing next to reed holding 100 of his home renovation photos). but the guy's always in interesting fights, and i enjoy watching the ****.

I haven't seen some of the others, such as artur beterbiev, with his 100% ko ratio, but that's like a treat in waiting, isn't it? Clearly i don't follow boxing as much as i used to, but here it's like goodies to sample. A bit like watching lesbo porn and someone says to you "you can watch videos where they take it up the arse from a black man with a 10" dick as well"... It's like a whole new world is there, just waiting to be explored.

verdict: good.

lmfaoooooooo

[phallus]

Glad to hear you guys are enjoyed this stupid ****. Let's crack on with today's entry....


LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHTS - RING MAGAZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: Adonis Stevenson
1. Sergey Kovalev
2. Bernard Hopkins
3. Jean Pascal
4. Juergen Braehmer
5. Eleider Alvarez
6. Isaac Chilemba
7. Artur Beterbiev
8. Andrzej Fonfara
9. Nadjib Mohammedi
10. Thomas Oosthuizen


Now, THIS is a good division. And the key to that is that you've got two crowd-friendly (despite a lacklustre 2014 for Stevenson) KO artists who are in the same division, with the possibility of them fighting each other down the road.

Now, granted, the full genius of this looks unlikely to be exploited as Stevenson fucked off to another TV network and Kovalev has expressed no desire to dress up as General Zod. It doesn't matter... we'll probably get to see the bout five years after everyone's stopped giving a shit, where they'll put it on with a crap undercard and call it "fight of the century". But just the POSSIBILITY that it could happen is mouth-watering. That's the joy of a division that's top heavy with two great fighters in it.

Think about it like this... you see a show advertised called "Ten People Beat The Crap Out Of Beercules", and the tickets are just $50. That's only $5 per beating, so you go along, buying some popcorn in the stalls before you check in.

You get in there, and the first eight people are just a bunch of gaylords from the local faggot bar, taking turns to tickle Beercules and give him Chinese burns. You, and the rest of the crowd, shout out "I paid $50 for THIS bullshit?!!???"

But then out come the last two combatants. The dwarf who made Beercules step back, and Beercules's sister - a fresh wine bottle in one hand, mean intentions in the other.

Suddenly you watch as the dwarf curb stomps Beercules, yer boy Beer helplessly looking out for his buddies, as he calls out to friends "hold me back, guys, hold me back", fresh shit pouring down the backs of his legs and filling his socks.

Then his sister joins in, repeatedly using his head as a bottle bank, while Beercules lies on the floor, crying his eyes out and threatening to call the police like a fuggen BETA. When you get out of the show, someone turns to you and asks you what you thought of the first eight contestants. By that stage, you don't even REMEMBER the first eight, you've just laughed so hard you've got to rush home to wash the piss out of your pants.

That, my friends, is the beauty of a division headed by two good men. But it's not all just about them, though. Sure, I've never been a Bore Hard fan - the human mogadon tablet - and these days if I want to watch someone mauling opponents and headbutting them in the face, I've got Andre Ward fights I can see. But take No.8, Andrzej Fonfara. In a multiverse out there, he's just a bolt upright, jug-eared Polish fucktard who put on a better than expected showing against Stevenson and fuck all else. Thankfully we live in a dimension where he made the never-likeable Chavez Jr. say "I think I was winning the fight before I quit like a sissy"... for that alone, the **** deserves a knighthood.

Or what about Jean Pascal? Sure, he's a gas out, and got convincingly outboxed by Carl Froch a few years back. (Being outboxed by Carl Froch... the equivalent of being told you're the most boring **** in the room when you're standing next to Reed holding 100 of his home renovation photos). But the guy's always in interesting fights, and I enjoy watching the ****.

I haven't seen some of the others, such as Artur Beterbiev, with his 100% KO ratio, but that's like a treat in waiting, isn't it? Clearly I don't follow boxing as much as I used to, but here it's like goodies to sample. A bit like watching lesbo porn and someone says to you "you can watch videos where they take it up the arse from a black man with a 10" dick as well"... it's like a whole new world is there, just waiting to be explored.

VERDICT: Good.

I hear you.

You also got the guys with the I seen dis guy use his mommas uterine walls as a heavy bag. He gonna be da champ! all-knowing style.

Guy gets knocked out in his 10th fight by a 15-23 guy.

It's boxing. People get punched hard in the head.

Not everybody is right 100% of the time.

I have a coke addict with 4 losses in my avi.

What he hell do I know.

Well at least the 50$ to my fight was interesting. Tickles and Chinese burns

this is the best thread in the lounge right now, I was laughing so hard it disturbed the people beside me in the library.

and don't forget, LHW champ Adonis is a CANADIAN PIMP!

[spytactics]

Annie showing you the real P4P on Boxingscene is: He is! You definitely need to do comedy or write for shows or something because you are a talented and funny motherfcker.

[El Jesus]

YOU, sir, are a flatterer.

I'll say one thing: back in the day I had a rule that I'd never pick the outcome of a fight unless I'd seen AT LEAST three fights of both boxers.

Imagine if NSB did that. I've seen fight picks on there where they haven't even seen a single second of tape, but they still want to share their "take".

i dont even do that, i just boxrec someone and run triangle theories

[Tom Cruise]

http://www.boxingscene.com/smith-vs-...o-arena--92822

Terence Dooley biting Anoraks scrabble comment... Or is Anorak actually Terence Dooley?

[!! Anorak]

http://www.boxingscene.com/smith-vs-...o-arena--92822

Terence Dooley biting Anoraks scrabble comment... Or is Anorak actually Terence Dooley?

To be fair, it IS quite an old joke, though it's a bad coincidence, coming one day later.

It depends on how you like the delivery though, doesn't it?

"This would net you a decent score in Scrabble, I imagine. Especially on a triple word score. Maybe if you had a double letter score in there as well. And providing none of your tiles were blanks. Mmmmmmmm, Reeno's cock tastes nice today."

vs.

"Who IS this daft ****?"

[!! Anorak]

Okay, let's crack on with the fourth in our series:

SUPER MIDDLEWEIGHT - RING MAGAZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: Vacant
1. Artur Und Abrahammer
2. James DeGale
3. George Groves
4. Robert Stieglitz
5. Gilberto Ramirez
6. Andre Dirrell
7. Badu Jack
8. Antony Dirrell
9. Fedor Chudinov
10.Calum Smith

Now, this is a weird ranking from The Ring and no mistake. Because of their rules on inactivity, almost inarguably the two best supermiddleweights in the world no longer even feature. It's a bit like saying "I'm going to draw up a list of Boxingscene's ten biggest fucktards, but I'm not going to include LarryX or Righteous because they haven't logged in for two weeks."

You know what, though? Even though it makes this engaging division seem less deep, it does make it more interesting, as, within reason, any of those men above could beat the others on any given night. More or less. Before this it was just a lazy-eyed God botherer headbutting people into submission, and someone being in permanent No.1 spot gets dull quick.

But what SMW did to really show boxing how to be great again was the Super Six tournament. Featuring all the best SWMs, save Bute and debatably Miranda, it pitted them all against each other. Naturally it was such a good idea that no other division has really done it since, figuring that fans of boxing don't deserve to see the best boxers fighting each other... who'd want that, right?

There were flaws with it, sure. It lasted almost as long as one of Squealpiggy's threads about religion, and eventual winner Andre Ward could make a porno boring. But as a fundamental idea, it was sound. For all his faults, Carl Froch took the spirit of the event and carried on afterwards, building one of the best records today in terms of opponents faced, win or lose. That's what boxing should be about, really. Is that naive??

So let's look at the ten. Arthur Abraham has, sadly, never been a fully-fledged SMW, and it's heart breaking to see a man who fought 7 rounds with a completely busted jaw do so badly since. At MW he was 30-0 with 23 KOs. Since moving up, his career at SMW has been 12-4 with just 4 KOs. (Okay, 5 if you count the Dirrell fight). The man who once valiantly battled back with a busted jaw, however dodgy the officiating, basically stood back and let Froch pretty much shut him out, losing a fight and learning the hard lesson that sometimes you can be outboxed simply because the other man has long arms (a revelation that New England described to me as "heartbreaking").

DeGale, I've seen a number of times as he got a fair bit of free-to-air coverage here in the UK. He looks good for five or six rounds, then his workrate always starts to plummet. In a way, his fights are like PB32 doing a slow striptease... he might look a million dollars for 15 or 20 minutes, but you'll always get to the bit where he has to take his pants off and show everyone his ginger pubes.

Groves is a decent operator, too. He has his critics, sure, but he's decent at mind games, and can crack. I know the Froch he fought the first time might not have been at the races mentally, but how many SMWs could have had the Cobra out on his feet in one round? I watched his fight with Glen Johnson, and although Johnson was clearly at the end of his career, this is a man who'd just gone the distance with Froch and Bute and looked like he didn't care... but against Groves he looked like he wanted to be somewhere else, and was never in the fight. The oddest thing about DeGale and Groves is that people are now clamouring for a rematch after their first fight which Groves won by SD (FWIW, I scored it for DeGale, who went into the bout playing "the villain"), seemingly forgetting the first bout was so tedious it was almost like watching an Andre Ward highlight reel.

Of the Dirrells, then Andre is terrifically naturally gifted, though, as you may recall, didn't react to kindly to my bumming. His brother Anthony reminds me of someone, but I can't quite put my finger on who. I suspect it might be Mr. Potato Head suffering from down syndrome, but I could be wrong. I've only seen clips of him, but I lost all respect for him when they cut to him in the middle of the DeGale-Dirrell bout (before James started to gas) and he was going "yo, my man gonna put it on 'im, y'all knowwhatI'msayin'? I can see him winning this, y'all." I'd have respected him far more if he'd said "fuck me... he's been flopping around on the canvas like a gay haddock all night... he's behind on points and he'd looking a right daft ****. He's got a steep hill to climb, innit?" You know, be HONEST, or fuck off. If you're just gonna bullshit like a lounge poster telling us how he "taps hos on the daily", then why bother being there at all?

Badu Jack I haven't seen, though I've heard he's basic, and he has the word "bad" in his name. Fedor Chudinov I haven't seen, though I've heard he's basic, and he has the words "Fed" "Chud" in his name. Callum Smith shows signs of shallowness in the division as he doesn't really deserve to be up there, but I feel certain he'll show more ambition than his brother Paul did last week, even if only by default. Did you see that ****? The useless bastard threw about as many punches as Weltschmerz goes minutes without hitting the bottle.

Overall, I like this division, it's been consistently interesting for a time. The problem when you get "stars" in a division is that they just think about $$$ and do **** all for it. With this division, you've had a weight class that, for the last six years or more, has pretty much seen everyone fighting everyone... at least as much as they can in today's boxing landscape.

VERDICT: Good.

[Tom Cruise]

Okay, let's crack on with the fourth in our series:

SUPER MIDDLEWEIGHT - RING MAGAZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: Vacant
1. Artur Und Abrahammer
2. James DeGale
3. George Groves
4. Robert Stieglitz
5. Gilberto Ramirez
6. Andre Dirrell
7. Badu Jack
8. Antony Dirrell
9. Fedor Chudinov
10.Calum Smith

Now, this is a weird ranking from The Ring and no mistake. Because of their rules on inactivity, almost inarguably the two best supermiddleweights in the world no longer even feature. It's a bit like saying "I'm going to draw up a list of Boxingscene's ten biggest fucktards, but I'm not going to include LarryX or Righteous because they haven't logged in for two weeks."

You know what, though? Even though it makes this engaging division seem less deep, it does make it more interesting, as, within reason, any of those men above could beat the others on any given night. More or less. Before this it was just a lazy-eyed God botherer headbutting people into submission, and someone being in permanent No.1 spot gets dull quick.

But what SMW did to really show boxing how to be great again was the Super Six tournament. Featuring all the best SWMs, save Bute and debatably Miranda, it pitted them all against each other. Naturally it was such a good idea that no other division has really done it since, figuring that fans of boxing don't deserve to see the best boxers fighting each other... who'd want that, right?

There were flaws with it, sure. It lasted almost as long as one of Squealpiggy's threads about religion, and eventual winner Andre Ward could make a porno boring. But as a fundamental idea, it was sound. For all his faults, Carl Froch took the spirit of the event and carried on afterwards, building one of the best records today in terms of opponents faced, win or lose. That's what boxing should be about, really. Is that naive??

So let's look at the ten. Arthur Abraham has, sadly, never been a fully-fledged SMW, and it's heart breaking to see a man who fought 7 rounds with a completely busted jaw do so badly since. At MW he was 30-0 with 23 KOs. Since moving up, his career at SMW has been 12-4 with just 4 KOs. (Okay, 5 if you count the Dirrell fight). The man who once valiantly battled back with a busted jaw, however dodgy the officiating, basically stood back and let Froch pretty much shut him out, losing a fight and learning the hard lesson that sometimes you can be outboxed simply because the other man has long arms (a revelation that New England described to me as "heartbreaking").

DeGale, I've seen a number of times as he got a fair bit of free-to-air coverage here in the UK. He looks good for five or six rounds, then his workrate always starts to plummet. In a way, his fights are like PB32 doing a slow striptease... he might look a million dollars for 15 or 20 minutes, but you'll always get to the bit where he has to take his pants off and show everyone his ginger pubes.

Groves is a decent operator, too. He has his critics, sure, but he's decent at mind games, and can crack. I know the Froch he fought the first time might not have been at the races mentally, but how many SMWs could have had the Cobra out on his feet in one round? I watched his fight with Glen Johnson, and although Johnson was clearly at the end of his career, this is a man who'd just gone the distance with Froch and Bute and looked like he didn't care... but against Groves he looked like he wanted to be somewhere else, and was never in the fight. The oddest thing about DeGale and Groves is that people are now clamouring for a rematch after their first fight which Groves won by SD (FWIW, I scored it for DeGale, who went into the bout playing "the villain"), seemingly forgetting the first bout was so tedious it was almost like watching an Andre Ward highlight reel.

Of the Dirrells, then Andre is terrifically naturally gifted, though, as you may recall, didn't react to kindly to my bumming. His brother Anthony reminds me of someone, but I can't quite put my finger on who. I suspect it might be Mr. Potato Head suffering from down syndrome, but I could be wrong. I've only seen clips of him, but I lost all respect for him when they cut to him in the middle of the DeGale-Dirrell bout (before James started to gas) and he was going "yo, my man gonna put it on 'im, y'all knowwhatI'msayin'? I can see him winning this, y'all." I'd have respected him far more if he'd said "fuck me... he's been flopping around on the canvas like a gay haddock all night... he's behind on points and he'd looking a right daft ****. He's got a steep hill to climb, innit?" You know, be HONEST, or fuck off. If you're just gonna bullshit like a lounge poster telling us how he "taps hos on the daily", then why bother being there at all?

Badu Jack I haven't seen, though I've heard he's basic, and he has the word "bad" in his name. Fedor Chudinov I haven't seen, though I've heard he's basic, and he has the words "Fed" "Chud" in his name. Callum Smith shows signs of shallowness in the division as he doesn't really deserve to be up there, but I feel certain he'll show more ambition than his brother Paul did last week, even if only by default. Did you see that ****? The useless bastard threw about as many punches as Weltschmerz goes minutes without hitting the bottle.

Overall, I like this division, it's been consistently interesting for a time. The problem when you get "stars" in a division is that they just think about $$$ and do **** all for it. With this division, you've had a weight class that, for the last six years or more, has pretty much seen everyone fighting everyone... at least as much as they can in today's boxing landscape.

VERDICT: Good.

Solid, but the biggest joke in this the Ring having Abraham the highest ranked Supermiddleweight

Him and Steiglitz will fight for that belt for the rest of their lives

[!! Anorak]

To be fair, I guess he's kind of put himself in that position now.

The big question is whether Ward has lost anything with the lay off and age. At the end of (ISTR round five?) he complained about being headbutted... there was a time when he'd be the one doing the headbutting.

[Beercules]

Annie has outdone himself.