The complete and honest guide to every boxing weight class

[!! Anorak]

Glad to hear you guys are enjoyed this stupid ****. Let's crack on with today's entry....


LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHTS - RING MAGAZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: Adonis Stevenson
1. Sergey Kovalev
2. Bernard Hopkins
3. Jean Pascal
4. Juergen Braehmer
5. Eleider Alvarez
6. Isaac Chilemba
7. Artur Beterbiev
8. Andrzej Fonfara
9. Nadjib Mohammedi
10. Thomas Oosthuizen


Now, THIS is a good division. And the key to that is that you've got two crowd-friendly (despite a lacklustre 2014 for Stevenson) KO artists who are in the same division, with the possibility of them fighting each other down the road.

Now, granted, the full genius of this looks unlikely to be exploited as Stevenson fucked off to another TV network and Kovalev has expressed no desire to dress up as General Zod. It doesn't matter... we'll probably get to see the bout five years after everyone's stopped giving a shit, where they'll put it on with a crap undercard and call it "fight of the century". But just the POSSIBILITY that it could happen is mouth-watering. That's the joy of a division that's top heavy with two great fighters in it.

Think about it like this... you see a show advertised called "Ten People Beat The Crap Out Of Beercules", and the tickets are just $50. That's only $5 per beating, so you go along, buying some popcorn in the stalls before you check in.

You get in there, and the first eight people are just a bunch of gaylords from the local faggot bar, taking turns to tickle Beercules and give him Chinese burns. You, and the rest of the crowd, shout out "I paid $50 for THIS bullshit?!!???"

But then out come the last two combatants. The dwarf who made Beercules step back, and Beercules's sister - a fresh wine bottle in one hand, mean intentions in the other.

Suddenly you watch as the dwarf curb stomps Beercules, yer boy Beer helplessly looking out for his buddies, as he calls out to friends "hold me back, guys, hold me back", fresh shit pouring down the backs of his legs and filling his socks.

Then his sister joins in, repeatedly using his head as a bottle bank, while Beercules lies on the floor, crying his eyes out and threatening to call the police like a fuggen BETA. When you get out of the show, someone turns to you and asks you what you thought of the first eight contestants. By that stage, you don't even REMEMBER the first eight, you've just laughed so hard you've got to rush home to wash the piss out of your pants.

That, my friends, is the beauty of a division headed by two good men. But it's not all just about them, though. Sure, I've never been a Bore Hard fan - the human mogadon tablet - and these days if I want to watch someone mauling opponents and headbutting them in the face, I've got Andre Ward fights I can see. But take No.8, Andrzej Fonfara. In a multiverse out there, he's just a bolt upright, jug-eared Polish fucktard who put on a better than expected showing against Stevenson and fuck all else. Thankfully we live in a dimension where he made the never-likeable Chavez Jr. say "I think I was winning the fight before I quit like a sissy"... for that alone, the **** deserves a knighthood.

Or what about Jean Pascal? Sure, he's a gas out, and got convincingly outboxed by Carl Froch a few years back. (Being outboxed by Carl Froch... the equivalent of being told you're the most boring **** in the room when you're standing next to Reed holding 100 of his home renovation photos). But the guy's always in interesting fights, and I enjoy watching the ****.

I haven't seen some of the others, such as Artur Beterbiev, with his 100% KO ratio, but that's like a treat in waiting, isn't it? Clearly I don't follow boxing as much as I used to, but here it's like goodies to sample. A bit like watching lesbo porn and someone says to you "you can watch videos where they take it up the arse from a black man with a 10" dick as well"... it's like a whole new world is there, just waiting to be explored.

VERDICT: Good.

[Beercules]

Well at least the 50$ to my fight was interesting. Tickles and Chinese burns

[Sweet Pea 50]

Thing is Annie, I think you follow the sport closer then the vast majority of this board.

You also just happen to have the gift of a gab, an imagination, and a sense of humor seldom seen on here.

A certified 1st ballot HOF poster?

[!! Anorak]

Thing is Annie, I think you follow the sport closer then the vast majority of this board.

You also just happen to have the gift of a gab, an imagination, and a sense of humor seldom seen on here.

A certified 1st ballot HOF poster?

YOU, sir, are a flatterer.

I'll say one thing: back in the day I had a rule that I'd never pick the outcome of a fight unless I'd seen AT LEAST three fights of both boxers.

Imagine if NSB did that. I've seen fight picks on there where they haven't even seen a single second of tape, but they still want to share their "take".

[Sweet Pea 50]

YOU, sir, are a flatterer.

I'll say one thing: back in the day I had a rule that I'd never pick the outcome of a fight unless I'd seen AT LEAST three fights of both boxers.

Imagine if NSB did that. I've seen fight picks on there where they haven't even seen a single second of tape, but they still want to share their "take".

I hear you.

You also got the guys with the I seen dis guy use his mommas uterine walls as a heavy bag. He gonna be da champ! all-knowing style.

Guy gets knocked out in his 10th fight by a 15-23 guy.

It's boxing. People get punched hard in the head.

Not everybody is right 100% of the time.

I have a coke addict with 4 losses in my avi.

What he hell do I know.

[!! Anorak]

I admit that right now I AM slightly curious as to how far Anthony Joshua can go. The division is, as I said, shallow as ****, and Wlad's on the way out... can he get to the top by default? It's not like he has to rise far.

[Sweet Pea 50]

I admit that right now I AM slightly curious as to how far Anthony Joshua can go. The division is, as I said, shallow as ****, and Wlad's on the way out... can he get to the top by default? It's not like he has to rise far.

AJ from da UK is the future.

He might be put on his can a couple of times doing so, but it's the HW division. It tends to happen when large, powerful people train to hit other people very hard with technique.

I think he is going to rule the division.

[!! Anorak]

AJ from da UK is the future.

He might be put on his can a couple of times doing so, but it's the HW division. It tends to happen when large, powerful people train to hit other people very hard with technique.

I think he is going to rule the division.

One thing I've noticed is that he's in with people that he fears so little he's not even bothering with defence a lot of the time. That could become a bad habit.

Offensively, at this level, I'm giving him 9/10. But defensively? God knows.

It's weird to see the last remnants of the previous British hw scene being turned over like cans by him... Matt Skelton showing up and clearly crapping his pants before getting taken out in two. The guy's a level above.


Another thing that is curious was Wlad praising him, and saying he had every tool in his arsenal to get to the top.... I'm not sure why Wlad thinks that, as I've yet to see Joshua initiate a clinch.

[RightJab]

Don't know how the fook i missed this, subscribed!

[PlasterWraps]

Glad to hear you guys are enjoyed this stupid ****. Let's crack on with today's entry....


LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHTS - RING MAGAZINE RATINGS
CHAMPION: Adonis Stevenson
1. Sergey Kovalev
2. Bernard Hopkins
3. Jean Pascal
4. Juergen Braehmer
5. Eleider Alvarez
6. Isaac Chilemba
7. Artur Beterbiev
8. Andrzej Fonfara
9. Nadjib Mohammedi
10. Thomas Oosthuizen


Now, THIS is a good division. And the key to that is that you've got two crowd-friendly (despite a lacklustre 2014 for Stevenson) KO artists who are in the same division, with the possibility of them fighting each other down the road.

Now, granted, the full genius of this looks unlikely to be exploited as Stevenson fucked off to another TV network and Kovalev has expressed no desire to dress up as General Zod. It doesn't matter... we'll probably get to see the bout five years after everyone's stopped giving a shit, where they'll put it on with a crap undercard and call it "fight of the century". But just the POSSIBILITY that it could happen is mouth-watering. That's the joy of a division that's top heavy with two great fighters in it.

Think about it like this... you see a show advertised called "Ten People Beat The Crap Out Of Beercules", and the tickets are just $50. That's only $5 per beating, so you go along, buying some popcorn in the stalls before you check in.

You get in there, and the first eight people are just a bunch of gaylords from the local faggot bar, taking turns to tickle Beercules and give him Chinese burns. You, and the rest of the crowd, shout out "I paid $50 for THIS bullshit?!!???"

But then out come the last two combatants. The dwarf who made Beercules step back, and Beercules's sister - a fresh wine bottle in one hand, mean intentions in the other.

Suddenly you watch as the dwarf curb stomps Beercules, yer boy Beer helplessly looking out for his buddies, as he calls out to friends "hold me back, guys, hold me back", fresh shit pouring down the backs of his legs and filling his socks.

Then his sister joins in, repeatedly using his head as a bottle bank, while Beercules lies on the floor, crying his eyes out and threatening to call the police like a fuggen BETA. When you get out of the show, someone turns to you and asks you what you thought of the first eight contestants. By that stage, you don't even REMEMBER the first eight, you've just laughed so hard you've got to rush home to wash the piss out of your pants.

That, my friends, is the beauty of a division headed by two good men. But it's not all just about them, though. Sure, I've never been a Bore Hard fan - the human mogadon tablet - and these days if I want to watch someone mauling opponents and headbutting them in the face, I've got Andre Ward fights I can see. But take No.8, Andrzej Fonfara. In a multiverse out there, he's just a bolt upright, jug-eared Polish fucktard who put on a better than expected showing against Stevenson and fuck all else. Thankfully we live in a dimension where he made the never-likeable Chavez Jr. say "I think I was winning the fight before I quit like a sissy"... for that alone, the **** deserves a knighthood.

Or what about Jean Pascal? Sure, he's a gas out, and got convincingly outboxed by Carl Froch a few years back. (Being outboxed by Carl Froch... the equivalent of being told you're the most boring **** in the room when you're standing next to Reed holding 100 of his home renovation photos). But the guy's always in interesting fights, and I enjoy watching the ****.

I haven't seen some of the others, such as Artur Beterbiev, with his 100% KO ratio, but that's like a treat in waiting, isn't it? Clearly I don't follow boxing as much as I used to, but here it's like goodies to sample. A bit like watching lesbo porn and someone says to you "you can watch videos where they take it up the arse from a black man with a 10" dick as well"... it's like a whole new world is there, just waiting to be explored.

VERDICT: Good.

I laughed at this **** so hard that my wife thinks I'm ******ed.