Originally posted by SkillspayBills
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i like what youve said, i like a lot of whats been said by others. and i thank you all for the time and effort put in to replying. it seems to me that what men want, well so do women. we dont want anything different from you in a relationship. love, commitment, yet space to be ourselves. we want YOU to be the one we go to when the world sucks and people are crap. perhaps, cos we are the more emotional ones, we need that comfort a little bit more. but, personally, i dont want some guy up my a$$ all day checking my whereabouts, etc. sigh. most of us can accept the fact that men like to look at women. and being connected to us will not stop that. its flattering if you put me in the same group of women i see you oogle. if in fact, you still oogle me. most importantly, to me, is that my feelings are important to you. no matter what it is thats upsetting me,ifyou think im sensitive or whatever...if it upsets me...it should be important to you. i dont want to change you, i want you to remain the same man you were when i fell inlove with you...strong and incontrol. just give me the best of you, like i give you the best of me. anyway, thats that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nillamilkshake
i have 4 really close girlfriends. and three of them are experiencing their marriages/relationships failing.
i happen to be their ear/shoulder...and dont share with the others what they say. there is a common theme tho, and its upsetting to me.
so, while i have deep knowledge of a womans point of view (and i know all relationships are unique, people are different,etc) i would really like to know a mans point of view...
1. what does commitment mean to you?
Commitment is effort. Relationships, especially long lasting ones, are sustained with constant effort and understanding between to people that no matter how rough it gets, you can make it through. Commitment is also trust. I have to trust that certain decisions that you make (i.e. cheating) won't be a detriment to what we have built and vica versa.
2. what does being in a relationship/marriage mean to you?
That means tha I have made the commitment to put the effort, mentally physically and emotionally into you and expecting the same in return.
3. how do you feel about your woman remaining an individual in your relationship?
I would want nothing else. Space is always a big part of a relationship. Noone wants to feel smothered or that they are being "changed." Having someone that not only accepts but APPRECIATES you for being you is a pillar in a the building that is a strong bond and relationship.
4. what will you not tolerate in a relationship?
Disrespect and lying. These two go hand in hand. Respect me as a man and I will respect you as a woman. Moreover, if you don't have trust than you don't have a foundation.
5. what does compromise mean to you?
Compromise means understanding. I can't begin to tell you how many people call me for advice on their relationships and all they had to do was "Take an L" to resolve the issue. By "taking an L" that means taking a loss ("Alright babe I will do this for you." "Ok babe I am sorry I will try to make that right.") and knowing that taking a small loss, learning to let things go and understanding the bigger picture, which is making your relationship work, will lead to a big win win (a long fufilling relationship)
6. how do you keep the love alive...in other words, how often do you feel you have to reinforce the feeling to your woman that 'shes the one' or that she is appreciated?
Alot of mistakes people in general make is that they assume "You should know." "You should know I love you do I really have to say it?" YES. Like I said earlier relationship are a constant effort, a constant commitment mentally, physically, and emotionally to your significant other. Now you don't have to be a sap about it but reinforcing how much a person means to you semi-frequently (once a week maybe more depending on the person) is never a bad thing.
One quirk me and my ex had was we would say "I Love you" and "I love you too" no matter how mad we were. Upset, angry, tired, just finished crying, just got into a fight, lied about something or really ****ed up if one said "I love you" no matter how much we didn't want to the other would reply with "I love you too." It just reminded us that no matter what our love and our bond was stronger than everything that we went through good or bad.
i like that last bit most
i know its a lot. but im baffled. i dont understand why people who are obviously head over heels with one another...STILL after so many years...let bull**** get in the way. and im equally baffled why people who DONT feel that way about each other are STILL in relationships that arent failing.
sigh
thank you xoxoxooxx
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