Trainer problems

[HeadBodyBodyBody]

Without knowing all the details, it's difficult to understand the situation fully. That said, it's prudent to be careful about maintaining relationships with trainers, it's often "their house, their rules" and they don't need you so much as you need them sometimes. I've seen it a lot, where a coach refuses to drop knowledge for whatever reason, maybe they just don't personally like the fighter, maybe they don't think the fighter takes things seriously enough, it could be for no reason... You want their knowledge and it's their prerogative to give it to who they feel like. I left a gym once and told the guy running it exactly why; he was taking my money but not giving me any attention, in a weird way he seemed to respect me more for it, I think (well, it made me feel better anyway). I tried to talk to him about it before leaving but he didn't seem to care, so I left. It was a drawn-out decision though, one I weighed up carefully; you don't need burnt bridges or a bad rep if you can help it.

There a few things that seem worth mentioning:
a) If you're 32 and without a fight, laughing in sparring sessions, it's a wonder you get any attention at all. You're too old to ever do anything great and you've never had a fight. You can pretty much assume that, when it comes to boxing, your opinion is going to be wrong more often than not because of your inexperience.
b) Given your inexperience, it is certainly odd to hear you describe yourself as the best fighter in the gym. You're either deluded or this gym is crap. It's kind of strange that this trainer has no trophies on display. Gyms love love love to big up their fighter's achievements. Sadly, bad gyms can crop up, especially where there's no competition nearby. But if you really doubt the gym's pedigree, why go there? "Because it's convenient" is not an ideal answer to anything when it comes to boxing.
c) You want to feel supported by your corner before a fight, and to know the coach has your back. I assume this guy will be in your corner!? Did this guy match you up too? It will not help you to fight well if you've constantly got it in the back of your mind that the guy doesn't care what happens to you.
d) Finally, boxing coaches are a strange breed of person, slightly sadistic in many ways!! It's not unheard of for coaches to be real ****ty people with golden hearts deep, deep, deeeep, deep, waaay deep down inside

As I say, only you can really decide what to do about this. From the tone of what you're saying, it seems like you want to hear someone say, "Try another gym". So, try another gym. And then you've got something to compare it to?

Of course, it may just be that you're a real douche and your trainer treats you like **** cos you deserve it ������

[HeadBodyBodyBody]

had a no love kind of guy coach during my amateur days. He never gave me any praise at all and was always critizising me.
It was sometimes pretty annoying, but I just didnt really mind. It's who he is. Other fighters couldnt cope with his style and left after a while.

Nevertheless, I knew I did good, when he was saying something in the lines of "Well, it was ok. You didnt embarass me" haha

Haha, I can relate!! I had a guy like that tell me 'well done' once and it made me feel really uneasy and awkward, lol, I was like, what's going on, this is weird!

[Allilang]

Without knowing all the details, it's difficult to understand the situation fully. That said, it's prudent to be careful about maintaining relationships with trainers, it's often "their house, their rules" and they don't need you so much as you need them sometimes. I've seen it a lot, where a coach refuses to drop knowledge for whatever reason, maybe they just don't personally like the fighter, maybe they don't think the fighter takes things seriously enough, it could be for no reason... You want their knowledge and it's their prerogative to give it to who they feel like. I left a gym once and told the guy running it exactly why; he was taking my money but not giving me any attention, in a weird way he seemed to respect me more for it, I think (well, it made me feel better anyway). I tried to talk to him about it before leaving but he didn't seem to care, so I left. It was a drawn-out decision though, one I weighed up carefully; you don't need burnt bridges or a bad rep if you can help it.

There a few things that seem worth mentioning:
a) If you're 32 and without a fight, laughing in sparring sessions, it's a wonder you get any attention at all. You're too old to ever do anything great and you've never had a fight. You can pretty much assume that, when it comes to boxing, your opinion is going to be wrong more often than not because of your inexperience.
b) Given your inexperience, it is certainly odd to hear you describe yourself as the best fighter in the gym. You're either deluded or this gym is crap. It's kind of strange that this trainer has no trophies on display. Gyms love love love to big up their fighter's achievements. Sadly, bad gyms can crop up, especially where there's no competition nearby. But if you really doubt the gym's pedigree, why go there? "Because it's convenient" is not an ideal answer to anything when it comes to boxing.
c) You want to feel supported by your corner before a fight, and to know the coach has your back. I assume this guy will be in your corner!? Did this guy match you up too? It will not help you to fight well if you've constantly got it in the back of your mind that the guy doesn't care what happens to you.
d) Finally, boxing coaches are a strange breed of person, slightly sadistic in many ways!! It's not unheard of for coaches to be real ****ty people with golden hearts deep, deep, deeeep, deep, waaay deep down inside

As I say, only you can really decide what to do about this. From the tone of what you're saying, it seems like you want to hear someone say, "Try another gym". So, try another gym. And then you've got something to compare it to?

Of course, it may just be that you're a real douche and your trainer treats you like **** cos you deserve it ������

I really wanted to see if people would just say "you are douche and you deserve it" I don't like burning bridges, but I have tried everything with this guy, but every discussion with him turns into a long lecture where he just repeats himself for the next 30 minutes about something I understood within the first.

I think I would have left a long time ago if it wasn't for convenience, but the gym is almost across the street from me while the next closest is a long bus trip away. I have a motorcycle that can cut the trip in half but it is too cold right now to drive. I really wanted to make things work with this guy, but I'm not sure what else I can do. I have long questioned "is it just me? Am I the bad guy in this?" and tried doing everything he said, but things never got better.

anyway, to respond to your points:

A: I have no crazy delusions of grandeur. I box for fun and to keep in shape, not for a career. He is my 3rd coach (because of moving) and has taught me things I know are wrong such as telling me pivoting doesn't exist.
B: Sad to say, I really am the most experienced person at the gym. At least at my 3 hour time frame that I go. No one there has been there longer than 6 months. The only one that can compete at my level does so with strength more than technique, but he is getting better because the trainer gives him most of his attention. There were 2 or 3 guys a long time ago, but they entered the army or just disappeared. There is no gym competition for him other than tiny kick boxing gyms in the area.
C: He doesn't really "match me up". The boxing competitions are big events with lots of fights. the gym doesn't get to choose their competition. Matching up for practice is more just getting anyone who can hold their own and I do my best not to hit them when they leave themselves wide open.
D: I think a lot of it with him is not boxing culture, but national culture. Korea is very conservative and heavily influenced by Confucius thinking. I don't think he is a BAD person. I think he is unable to listen to me for cultural reasons. lower position, age, woman = wrong.

I had gotten hired at one job here, and my boss decided i had to come to a meeting a week before my contract started. This meeting was just something where the employees go to listen to pointless "let's do well next year" speeches by the management. I had also already bought my yearly plane ticket that would be be during that time but back before my contract started. mMy trip home was only about 8 days and if I changed the ticket i would have only 4 days at home and it would cost me several hundred dollars. Well, the guy decided I had to go to this event and would not listen to me or any other managers as to how unreasonable it was. When I said it was "Impossible" for me to go, he went insane.

[HeadBodyBodyBody]

I really wanted to see if people would just say "you are douche and you deserve it" I don't like burning bridges, but I have tried everything with this guy, but every discussion with him turns into a long lecture where he just repeats himself for the next 30 minutes about something I understood within the first.

I think I would have left a long time ago if it wasn't for convenience, but the gym is almost across the street from me while the next closest is a long bus trip away. I have a motorcycle that can cut the trip in half but it is too cold right now to drive. I really wanted to make things work with this guy, but I'm not sure what else I can do. I have long questioned "is it just me? Am I the bad guy in this?" and tried doing everything he said, but things never got better.

anyway, to respond to your points:

A: I have no crazy delusions of grandeur. I box for fun and to keep in shape, not for a career. He is my 3rd coach (because of moving) and has taught me things I know are wrong such as telling me pivoting doesn't exist.
B: Sad to say, I really am the most experienced person at the gym. At least at my 3 hour time frame that I go. No one there has been there longer than 6 months. The only one that can compete at my level does so with strength more than technique, but he is getting better because the trainer gives him most of his attention. There were 2 or 3 guys a long time ago, but they entered the army or just disappeared. There is no gym competition for him other than tiny kick boxing gyms in the area.
C: He doesn't really "match me up". The boxing competitions are big events with lots of fights. the gym doesn't get to choose their competition. Matching up for practice is more just getting anyone who can hold their own and I do my best not to hit them when they leave themselves wide open.
D: I think a lot of it with him is not boxing culture, but national culture. Korea is very conservative and heavily influenced by Confucius thinking. I don't think he is a BAD person. I think he is unable to listen to me for cultural reasons. lower position, age, woman = wrong.

I had gotten hired at one job here, and my boss decided i had to come to a meeting a week before my contract started. This meeting was just something where the employees go to listen to pointless "let's do well next year" speeches by the management. I had also already bought my yearly plane ticket that would be be during that time but back before my contract started. mMy trip home was only about 8 days and if I changed the ticket i would have only 4 days at home and it would cost me several hundred dollars. Well, the guy decided I had to go to this event and would not listen to me or any other managers as to how unreasonable it was. When I said it was "Impossible" for me to go, he went insane.

You're answering all your own questions. From what you've said, sounds like a crap gym

[Allilang]

You're answering all your own questions. From what you've said, sounds like a crap gym

True true, I just feel very hurt by this. I want to make sure I am not over reacting and that it isn't just me being the bad guy. Being the only foreigner, it is very hard to talk about this with other people at the gym, or even other people in the country.

I know I could have handled things better in the past and have done everything I could to do things his way and get better at boxing, but I also think that it is a two way street.

[Ray Corso]

"I think I would have left a long time ago if it wasn't for convenience".....................

If you need conveniences your in the wrong sport! Go find another trainer who gives you what you need. If the distance is difficult to navigate go half the amount of times you go to the close gym.
If you can workout at home your still getting your time in.
Life is to short to not be content with your hobbies.

Ray

[Mr.MojoRisin']

"I think I would have left a long time ago if it wasn't for convenience".....................

If you need conveniences your in the wrong sport! Go find another trainer who gives you what you need. If the distance is difficult to navigate go half the amount of times you go to the close gym.
If you can workout at home your still getting your time in.
Life is to short to not be content with your hobbies.

Ray

That's a very inspiring quote. I think I'm going to put that in my sig.

Thanks Ray

[_Maxi]

1. Talk to him to cut the BS and tell him that if not, you'll go away.
2. If 1. doesn't work, go away to other gym.

[Allilang]

"I think I would have left a long time ago if it wasn't for convenience".....................

If you need conveniences your in the wrong sport! Go find another trainer who gives you what you need. If the distance is difficult to navigate go half the amount of times you go to the close gym.
If you can workout at home your still getting your time in.
Life is to short to not be content with your hobbies.

Ray

Yea. I think you are right.

It's like being in an abusive relationship. I really want to make it work. But ignoring the things he does just keeps building up. Then he does something major and I question leaving, but am too scared to take the jump. Then things settle down for a short while until it starts all over again.

Thanks everyone for your opinions. Its monday, so all the gyms are open again. I'm going to take a look at the 3 gyms in the neighboring town. Its 40 minutes by bus, but in the spring I can drive my scooter and cut the trip in half.

[FlatLine]

I think he got a negative impression of me when I would say "I don't do that" after he did a poor impression of what I was doing. He took it to mean that I was disrespecting him. He would also tell me things that I still believe is wrong like saying that there is no pivot step in boxing and that I couldn't swing my left foot when making a left hook.

Anyway, after he got a bad impression of me for talking back. But I believe he did a very poor job in teaching and it took me almost a year to figure out what the problem was. I tried to salvage the relationship, but I am a woman and the student and younger, so that means I have no idea what I am talking about and he wouldn't listen to me.

I've tried doing everything his way, and clear up all misunderstandings but after Friday, and reading your advice, I think without a huge apology from him and a long heart to heart without him writing my grievances off before he hears them, I have no choice but to seek out another gym.

It depends on how you look at things. Lots of coaches out there assume a role as "chief" and don't tolerate students talking back to them or not listening. For example Emanuel Steward left Prince Naseem and Adam Booth left Chris Eubank Jr because they argued, talked back and had their own ideas about how things should be done.

So I think you're right that he got a bad impression of you being slightly argumentative and maybe this then set the tone of the relationship you developed. Maybe he thinks you're not trainable because you argue with him. But it's really just guesswork, I don't know the actual extent that you talk back to him.

Having a heart to heart is probably the way to go, and since you suspect that your own actions might have contributed to the situation, then maybe it would help if you also apologize to him - from his perspective it might be seen as a sign of respect which might change his attitude. You mentioned that you tried to salvage the relationship, so maybe you already tried that?