HBO: Telling it like it is... -PART DEUX-

[TintaBoricua]

Michael Buffer: “Ladies and gentleman, the fight comes to an end at 59 seconds of the first round as the fighter is unable to continue, the winner by TKO…and still undefeated…Joooooooooooeeeeeeeee Calzaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhheeeee!”

*Camera shot of the ring from afar and punch stats are shown*

Lampley: “And as we look at the statistics of this fight, you can see that there were only a total of 3 punches thrown in the fight between BOTH fighters. Joe threw 2 punches, landed both of them. Hopkins threw only one…and it missed. That, of course, was the lead right hand that he missed trying to catch Calzaghe on the way in, missed, fell down, and now we have…an unusual set of circumstances to start the televised portion of the undercard. Joe Calzaghe wins a shocking quick fight against Hopkins, and Hopkins is, for the first time in his long career, officially TKO’d. Let’s go up to the ring where Larry Merchant stands by with the winner of the fight, Joe Calzaghe.”

*Camera cuts to inside the ring with Larry Merchant standing next to Joe Calzaghe*

Merchant: “Thanks, Jim.”

*Merchant puts his hand on Calzaghe’s left shoulder*

Merchant: “Joe…you’ve said…numerous times…that…you are against rematches… because they present a danger to your record…against already beaten opposition. You rolled the die, and you got another victory for your trouble. How satisfied are you…with the manner in which you obtained this victory?”

Calzaghe: “We are professional athletes and we assume the risks and responsibilities that come with such decisions. It’s a…it’s a shame what happened to Hopkins but I can’t feel sorry for him and take it back. A win’s a win. He could’ve kept his mouth shut and continued fightin’ but he didn’t. So, that’s that. I now have two wins over Bernard Hopkins, and that’s all I can say.”

Merchant: “Would you…if by some strange chance…the clamoring for a fight continues, and the money is there, would you seek out a third match with Hopkins given the nature of the ending for this fight?”

Calzaghe: “No, of course not! I was pushing it enough as it is when I took this fight alone and I didn’t even want to. A third fight is out of the question! Would Hopkins offer me a third match if he had two straight wins over me? Of course not! He’d move on to bigger and better things, and so will I!”

Merchant: “Do you…believe…that the fight was stopped…prematurely?”

Calzaghe: “I thought Bernard could’ve continued and that the ref should’ve let it go on but that’s not my job, that’s the ref’s job. So, he did what he had to do and there’s nothing that I can do about it. At the end of the day, I’m still undefeated and I have a TKO victory over Bernard Hopkins. That is quite a bragging right. I’m ecstatic I decided to take Hopkins up on the offer!”

Merchant: “Do you believe that this TKO was…on the same level as one you could’ve gotten…under other circumstances…such as him retiring on his stool, throwing punches with him against the ropes, or just knocking him down and him being unable to get up?”

*Camera zooms out to show Hopkins on the side staring angrily at Joe as he begins to answer Merchant’s question*

Calzaghe: “A TKO win is a TKO win. Bernard didn’t want to continue, so it’s a TKO. It goes down in the books as a TKO. I just became the first man to stop Hopkins.”

Merchant: “Well, that’s probably…a bit of a stretch. Do you—

Hopkins: “Larry, don’t ask this fool anymore questions! He’s delusional!”

Calzaghe: “Quit your squabblin’! You just got beat, old man!”

Hopkins: “That was a bull**** call, and you kn—

Calzaghe: “You got beat! You got beat! You got beat twice by a white boy!”

Hopkins: “Your boxing stance is weak, your accuracy is non-existent, and the only thing that got you that tainted win is the canvas which broke my wrist!”

Calzaghe: “No accuracy?! I was told by someone on the production crew that I had a 100% accuracy in this fight. I got a 100% accuracy against you and you got TKO’d on top of that! Deal with it, wanker!”

Hopkins: “You a *****, Joe! You owe me another fight! And you better not make excuses and pretend to retire!”

Calzaghe: “I don’t owe you ****, Bernard! Quit your whining—

Hopkins: “Sign the contract and give me my rematch!”

Calzaghe: “I already gave—

Hopkins: “Sign the contract and give me—

Merchant: “Alright, alright. Bernard…Bernard…”

Hopkins: “I will come down to Wales! I will come down to Wales and fight you! I’m a real dude from the streets! I’m from Philly, baby!”

Calzaghe: “You ain’t—

Hopkins: “THUG LIFE MOTHA****A!”

*Hopkins clobbers Calzaghe across the face with a straight hand and Calzaghe collapses to the canvas as the cornermen from Calzaghe’s corner come at Hopkins and a riot breaks out in the ring. Merchant, bewildered by Hopkins’ antics, is briefly seen looking at the camera with wide, scared eyes before becoming lost in the chaotic scuffle that ensues*

*Camera goes back to Lampley standing at ringside*

TO BE CONTINUED...

[TintaBoricua]

Lampley: “Well, you saw what happened there. An unusual end to a fight, an even more unusual post-fight interview, and Emmanuel, while I empathize to some degree with Calzaghe about not giving Bernard another rematch, in my view this second fight didn’t resolve anything from the first, did it?”

*Camera zooms in on Emmanuel*

Steward: “No, and I’ll tell you something else, I’m sure Bernard is really hurt and that he wasn’t faking it. If he continued, he would’ve but given the nature of the rules, it’ll go down as a TKO, but I don’t think Calzaghe will be given full credit for this win. You might even say it improved his standing for the first fight Calzaghe had over Hopkins because it was actually a long, drawn out fight where he outworked Bernard. I’m sure Bernard would’ve loved nothing more than to continue, but this is just how boxing is, and it’s unfortunate that we’re going to have to settle for this result or wait another six, seven months—or more—until they fight again, if they decide to fight again. But I don’t think Joe will take the fight. He said it himself, he was hesitant about a rematch, I think it’ll take a miracle to get him in the ring with Bernard. So, that’s that. Unfortunate, but that’s boxing.”

Lampley: “And Emmanuel, it was highly uncharacteristic of Bernard, who is usually composed despite his antics to get under people’s skin, for him to square up and sucker punch Calzaghe in the post-fight interview.”

*Cut to overview camera of a handcuffed Hopkins being escorted out by half a dozen policeman*

Steward: “I’m not that surprised, Jim. Everything went as I predicted. I knew that if the fight ended in the first round by a Calzaghe TKO, that Bernard was going to sucker punch Joe during the interview with Larry…and as a result that a riot would ensue and that Bernard would be escorted out by six cops. Not two, or three, or four, or five…but SIX cops. And sure enough, that’s what’s happening.”

Lampley: “W—

Steward: “And Joe won’t give him the rematch. In fact, even if he wanted to, it’s impossible now because Bernard is going to jail. Not only that, he might even go to prison, because during the riot I saw him assault three police officers before mounting Joe on the ground and whaling on him some more. It’s looking really bad for Bernard at this point and I think we might’ve seen the last of him in boxing.”

Lampley: “Emmanuel…allow me to be blunt for a second here…you knew that Joe Calzaghe would get a 1st round TKO over Bernard Hopkins under questionable circumstances and that Bernard, who’s stayed out of trouble ever since getting out of prison, would not only assault Joe Calzaghe post-fight, but also assault three police officers in the process?”

Steward: “Of course. When you’ve been around the sport long enough, you see things more clearly.”

Lampley: “Well Emmanuel, in all honesty…that sounds like a bunch of hoopla because I’ve been around the sport for more than two decades and I don’t think I’ve ever heard such a bizarrely descriptive prediction of a fight as the one you’ve just made.”

Steward: “Well, you’d have that ability if you had experience in boxing; actual boxing. You can ask Roy, I told him before the fight that this would happen.”

*Emmanuel squints and chuckles*

*Camera zooms out and Jim turns to his left where Jones, Jr. is smiling and nodding his head slowly*

Lampley: “Alright, Roy…run that by me again. Is it true that Emmanuel made that prediction?”

Jones, Jr.: “That’s true, Jim. Before the fight, we had a sit-down and he told me every single detail that’s happened so far. And I know you’re kinda’ surprised, Jim but there’s really nothing to be surprised about. If you’ve been in boxing before, if you’ve stepped in that ring, and know what we go through day in and day out, then you’d know some things to look for that others necessarily just can’t see.”

Lampley: “Like what for instance?”

Jones, Jr.: “It’s instinct, Jim! You can’t teach it! You just acquire it over time. It’s too late for you…”

*Jones, Jr. laughs*

*Camera zooms out showing all three commentators and zooms back in to just Steward and Lampley*

Lampley: “Emmanuel…let me get this straight, you’re saying that you’re able to see things much more clearly than the average fan who makes predictions? Let me ask you a question…how do you see the Cotto/Margarito fight unfolding?”

Steward: “Well, I don’t want to say it before it happens if I’m being broadcasted. The fighters could be listening and that could influence their strategies for the fight, but I’ll tell you something. I’m going to write my prediction on a piece of paper, fold it up, and give it to you, and after the fight, you open it up and see for yourself.”

*Steward takes a piece of paper from behind him on the desk, a pen out of his pocket, and begins scribbling on the piece of paper as Lampley tries to get a peek*

Steward: “Nah, no peeking, Jim.”

*Steward finishes writing, folds up the piece of paper and hands it to Jim, who tucks it inside his tuxedo*

Lampley: “So you’re fairly positive this is going to happen?”

Steward: “I’m not a psychic, Jim. I just see what I see.”

*Camera zooms in on Lampley*

Lampley: “Well, we were trying to fill in some time as our colleague comes back, but he has yet to do so. There is still a tumultuous scene up in the ring as officials try to remove the last of the rioters so that we may press on with the fight card. In the mean time, here’s a promotional advertisement for an upcoming pay-per-view fight on HBO.”

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

*Show a clip of shirtless overweight Fernando Vargas on a couch eating nachos with cheese. He looks at the camera with his mouth full and cheese oozing out of the side of his mouth*

Vargas: “Aughm muhkn mhu kmbk!”

*Subtitles below say: “I’m making my comeback!”*

*Heavy metal music plays*

Voiceover: “Vargas vs. Nachos! September 18, live on Pay-Per-View!”

*Cut back to Fernando Vargas finishing his nachos*

Vargas: “Mexico, ¡putos!”

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

TO BE CONTINUED...

Comments/Feedback appreciated!

[Mooshashi]

Where is Lederman...ok jim ok jim ok jim ok jim ok jim ok jim.

[TintaBoricua]

Lampley: “Alright, now we’re back and the officials have finally gotten the situation under control. Our colleague Larry Merchant unfortunately sustained injuries during the chaos in the ring, was knocked unconscious and was about to be taken out on a stretcher when he suddenly awoke and exclaimed I was told, “Don’t take me to the hospital, I want to see the main event if it’s the last thing I do!” after which he passed out again and is currently hooked up to an ECG ringside.”

*Camera zooms out to reveal an unconscious Larry Merchant on a hospital bed facing the ring*

Lampley: “Larry, we hope you are able to regain consciousness before the night is over. Godspeed, Larry! Anyway, we press on for the moment…one fight down, two more to go before the main event. Next up: grudge match…as Miguel Cotto faces off again against former Mexican welterweight champion Antonio Margarito. Their 2008 fight was one for the ages as Antonio Margarito broke down the previously unbeaten Miguel Cotto over 11 grueling rounds. Now, they face off again…in what is expected to be a potential fight of the year candidate. And before we go back to the dressing rooms where I’m told the fighters are making the final preparations before their ringwalks, Emanuel, you’ve seen Miguel Cotto before, you’ve seen how he fights and you were certainly there for their brutal fight. What do you think Miguel Cotto has to change in this fight to stand a better chance at beating Margarito?”

*Camera zooms in on Emanuel*

Steward: “Well, Miguel Cotto’s biggest strength is bullying his opponents and going down to the body and breaking them down, but he didn’t do it in the first fight and he certainly can’t do it here. The reason is because Margarito does so well tucking his elbows in and partially blocking anything that people try downstairs. What Miguel has to do to win in this fight is to keep doing what he was doing in the first fight but…fight at a more measured pace. He can’t afford to start exchanging with Margarito because Margarito is a big puncher himself, he’s tougher than Cotto, and he’s got more stamina—and BIGGER. Miguel Cotto just has to control himself, not get too excited and most importantly, stay off the ropes. If he stays on the ropes, Margarito will attack him to the body and wear him down as he did in the first fight, so he can’t afford that. Even though in the first fight he made it very far making all those mistakes, I think he’s in greater danger in the rematch because of the psychological advantage Margarito has. The mentality of a fighter after he gives in is very vulnerable. If he is able to quit once, he is more willing to give up the second time around, so it’s going to be very dangerous for Miguel going down the stretch if he doesn’t correct the mistakes he did in the first fight.”

Lampley: “Emanuel, looking at the fight unfold throughout the first five rounds, it looked as if Cotto was on his way to a wide unanimous decision. It was Margarito’s chin that proved itself to be Margarito’s winning trait. Does that still pose a risk considering how much punishment he took in his previous fight against Shane Mosley?”
Steward: “Well, I think that’s one of the things people are wondering about. Margarito’s chin is just incredible. You can hit him with your best punch and he keeps coming. I think for this fight Margarito will try to feel Miguel out for a couple rounds and then start much faster than he did in the first fight. If the fight with Mosley is any indication, you could say that there’s some damage given how many punches he took, but in boxing you just never know. It still took Mosley nine rounds to get Margarito out of there. I don’t think Miguel can be thinking about a knockout, I think he has to be prepared to go twelve hard rounds with Margarito because if his chin holds up, Miguel will be in a lot of trouble.”

Lampley: “Roy Jones, you said before the first fight that Cotto’s skills would not be enough to overcome the height advantage and pressure that Margarito posed. Do you still think that is the case?”

Jones, Jr: “Yes I do, Jim! And I’ll tell you somethin’ else: Miguel’s biggest obstacle is his height. No matter how much more skilled he is than Margarito, he won’t be able to deal easily with Margarito’s height. He has decent boxing skills, but he doesn’t use it consistently. Sooner or later, the Puerto Rican in him is gonna’ get the best of him and he’s gonna’ go to war with Margarito and Jim…it’s gonna’ be a good one! I think it’ll make me get in there and duke it out with the winner! Yeah, I might do that…Hell, I’ll DEFINITELY do that. Most definitely!”

Lampley: “Roy, you can’t do that! You have a fight to broadcast! You don’t have any cornermen, nor any ring attire or gloves to fight. You’re not even in the same weight class! You’re…a fat tub of goo in comparison to the welterweight division! How much do you even weigh?”

Jones, Jr: “195-200! It don’t matter, Jim! Roy Jones is back, baby! Taking on all comers! I’ll be in the ring with the winner after the fight! Believe that! Pensacaola in the house!”

*Camera cuts to close-up of Jim Lampley with a perplexed expression*

Lampley: “………”

*Camera cuts to statistics*

Lampley: “Tale of the tape…for Miguel Cotto versus Antonio Margarito: a three year age advantage for Miguel Cotto at 28, but then a three inch height advantage for Margarito, arm length advantage of one inch for Margarito. Yesterday they weighed in at an equal 147 pounds, but tonight…perhaps one of the most interesting unofficial weights taken this year…Cotto has rehydrated up to 158 pounds, while Margarito has rehydrated only to 155.”

*Camera shows Cotto coming into the ring to Daddy Yankee’s “Rompe”*

Lampley: “Much to the surprise of followers of the sport, Miguel Cotto, having beaten Joshua Clottey in his last fight…chose to defend his title against Antonio Margarito rather than engage in a rematch with Shane Mosley for a unification bout, or perhaps a match with undefeated prospect Andre Berto. That too, would have been a much safer, perhaps more lucrative decision.”

Kellerman: “And Jim, I asked him about that earlier in the dressing room and all he said in regards to that was, ‘This is much more important because by beating the man who beat me, I can make things right again.’ What he meant by that was, ‘By exacting revenge on the only man that beat me, that loss on his record won’t look so bad anymore, and perhaps even restore some of my aura back.’”

Lampley: “But Max, wouldn’t it make more sense to take on a man whom he had previously beaten in Shane Mosley, unify titles and then take on Margarito with more titles at stake to make it a much more attractive fight, win, lose, or draw?”

Kellerman: “It DOES, Jim. But Cotto doesn’t want to waste any time. He probably thinks he is taking on a lesser risk in fighting Margarito than Mosley at this point and to be honest, I don’t blame him. The Shane we saw in the Margarito fight looked several years younger than what we’ve seen in his recent times.”

Lampley: “Correct, Mosley put an epic beatdown of a man that had never before been stopped. It’s natural to assume that Cotto is jumping on the opportunity to take advantage of Margarito who may or may not be on the downfall.”

Jones, Jr: “Mosley looked like me in that fight.”

Lampley: “…….What?!”

Jones, Jr: “His hands were quick! His footspeed was agile! His power was devastating! He was Supaman that night!”

Lampley: “R-r-ight. He looked…he looked—

Jones, Jr: “Spe—spec-spectac—spectactic—spectacticle!”


TO BE CONTINUED...