Hiring Taco Truck Guy As Personal Chef Was A Mistake, Admits Andy Ruiz Jr

Please be satire.

I feel sort of bad for him and not. He got his money and his short fame.

Following his disappointing unanimous decision loss to Britain's Anthony Joshua in their hotly anticipated rematch, Andy Ruiz Jr. has admitted hiring the guy who sells tacos near his home in Imperial, California as his personal chef for the rematch was probably a mistake. Ruiz Jr became the first fighter of Mexican descent to become heavyweight champion of the world when he knocked out then-undefeated Anthony Joshua in the 7th round of their first clash at Madison Square Garden back in June. Boxing fans across the world were flabbergasted as they watched a relatively unknown chubby Mexican obliterate the hulking man mountain of the heavyweight division that is Anthony Joshua. How could this human burrito be so fast and powerful? Nobody was as surprised as Ruiz Jr himself, who started to believe his plumpness was the key to his historic victory. After the fight, he doubled down on his love of Snickers bars and hired Juan Rodrìguez, owner of a local taco truck close to Ruiz Jr's home in California, as his personal chef for the rematch. Unfortunately, the Mexican-American quickly found out that gaining another 15lbs of fat for the rematch was actually pretty dumb, when a slimmed down Joshua jabbed and danced circles around him for 12 rounds at the purpose-built Diriyah Arena in Saudi Arabia. "Yeah, in hindsight, that was probably a bad idea", said Ruiz Jr, speaking at the post-fight press conference. "People kept telling me how great it was that I was so chubby and how much I'd done for fat people by winning the first fight, and Joshua's muscles didn't help him, so it sort of made sense in my head. "I figured if I just increased my calorie intake by eating even more street food, I'd be in even better shape and take him out earlier than in the first fight. "That's when I asked Juan to help me prepare for the fight and he was happy to do it. It was probably the most delicious camp I've ever had; I was feeling good, other than the million trips to the bathroom, but I'm Mexican so I'm used to that. Anyway, let's do a third fight and this time I'll eat a salad or two. Maybe."Every single thing Ruiz said makes him sound like he has the IQ of a dead Frog. With the money he made he hires a food truck cook instead of a nutritionist to lay out his diet. It doesn't get dumber than that.