A Bob Arum Christmas Carol

I cried inside. :"( great story! Santa needs to help us make this a reality!

lol. The Boxing Empire's Classic Tale A CHRISTMAS CAROL With Bob Arum http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HmxmyCeRHz0/TRLpyLq9h9I/AAAAAAAAAEU/NTfwV91bujk/s320/achristmascarolfull1.jpg It was late in December and the boxing schedule had not yet been set for the new year. Bob Arum, the richest promoter in town, had his entire office working late this Christmas Eve. "But dear Uncle," a concerned Todd DuCrochet stated, "the people just do not want to see Shane Mosley and Manny Pacquiao." "Bah!" said Arum, "Hum bug!" Arum roared, "when we live in a world with such fools as these fans, what is a fight good for but to make me richer!" And with that, Scroogum exited the office in haste, on his way to make another fight that the boxing fans across the town did not want to see. "It's not my business to make good fights," Arum thought to himself, "it's enough for these fans to buy every stinkin' pay-per-view I can come up with. My business is to collect the cash these fools throw at me for these subpar fights." Arum strolled past the town center shops, full of Christmas cheer. He scowled at the fight posters showing Devon Alexander and Timothy Bradley squaring off. "Humbug," he thought to himself, "a fight the fans want to see and not being charged an absolute premium to see it!" As Arum retired to his mansion that evening, he heard the wind all of a sudden pick up. A voice in the distance seemed to whisper "Boooooob, you will be visited by three ghosts tonight." Bob thought nothing of it, and flipped on the Clottey-Pacquiao bout to help him fall asleep. It was around 1 a.m. when Bob awoke to a brilliant shining green light. Bob leaped out of bed and looked for his gun, "Who the *^@$ are you?!" he exclaimed. "Bob," the stately voice summoned, "I am Tex Richard and I am the ghost of Christmas Past." Reluctantly, Bob agreed to follow Tex and he was shocked to find himself at the Hagler-John Mugabi, Hearns-James Shuler doubleheader that Bob had put on in 1986. "Bob the fans enjoyed these fights, and look at how happy you were." Tex flashed Bob to the scene where James Shuler thanked Bob thanking him for the opportunity. "Wow," Bob breathlessly whispered as Tex took him to the Hagler-Sugar Ray Leonard bout and numerous other great fights of the 80's, "this was amazing." Bob awoke in a cold sweat. "Damn ghosts, I have really got to quit drinking" he thought to himself. But something had changed within him. Regardless, he rolled back to sleep. When the clock struck two a.m. Bob was again awoken by a magnificent blue light. "What the hell are they putting in my viagra!" Bob shouted as he was greeted. "Bob," the voice exclaimed, "I am Don King. I'm here to show you how to not F up." Bob smirked. "You see Bob, you have a good thing going. Don't make the same mistakes I did," King explained, as Bob was taken back to the December 2008 fight of Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya. "Bob," King went on, "look what happened to Tyson. Look what happened to me." By this time, they were at the Miguel Cotto and Manny Pacquiao fight, but months after Bob had changed for the worse. He saw himself putting on more miserable fights, with more disappointed fans. "Trust me Bob," King said solemnly, "it won't get any better from here." Frightened, Bob tried to get back to sleep but began to weep. He had finally realized the err of his ways. Before he knew it, Bob awoke again to a hellacious red blaze. A dark, imposing figure motioned him to come hither. Bob was afraid, but he followed the ghost's motion. Bob first arrived at a ring with Miguel Cotto, and a battered unrecognizable Pawel Wolak. Bob sat down as to enjoy the fight, but realized the arena was completely empty. There weren't even cameras to record the spectacle. "What have I done," Bob breathed out. He then took Bob to a bloody ring. There were no fighters, no fans, only blood and police tape. "What, what the hell happened here?" Bob cried. Upon a snow covered grave they came. Bob dusted it off furiously, trying to read. "Herein lies Shane Mosley, an older gentleman who could not protect himself from the greed of Bob Arum." "No!" Bob shouted. "I should have never put on that fight!" The dark ghost then turned on the television. He first flicked to HBO, on which there was no boxing. He then switched to Showtime, again no boxing. Finally, he switched it to Fox Sports Net and cable access, and sandwiched inbetween Strong Man competitions and U.S. Men's Karate, there were the boxing events Bob had once so graciously promoted. "Ahhh!" Bob cried in agony. "I have ruined the sport by forcing fans to buy premium networks and worthless pay per view events." The ghost stared daringly into Bob Arum's now empty soul. "Please!" Bob pleaded, "take me away from here! Take me out of here!" Bob lunged toward the ghost to grab at his dark black robe, but felt nothing. Sweaty and reeking of whiskey, Bob awoke shaking the covers of his bed. "I'm alive?" Bob asked cautiously. "My nose, I can feel it. The Pacquiao-Clottey fight?" which was still playing on Bob's television, "it still sucks! I'm alive!" Immediately Bob grabbed his robe and darted out the door. Bob found Fernando Montiel and Nonito Donaire. "Gentleman!" Bob exclaimed, "for the winner of your fight, I promise you will face the winner of the Bantamweight tournament on Showtime!" All three of them smiled in jubilation. Bob continued running, he found Yuriorkis Gamboa and Juan Manuel Lopez. "You two! We need to get that fight on as soon as possible!" Both smiled. "And best of all, to my lovely wonderful boxing fans, it will be on regular HBO!" Bob continued, and found Miguel Cotto training feverishly. "Miguel, my dear Miguel!" Bob said, kissing him on his bald head. "We won't be sticking you in there with a deadbeat, you'll be on regular HBO against Sergio Martinez! The winner goes up against Andre Berto!" By this time the whole town of boxing fans had gathered to root Bob on. He was saving Christmas; he was saving boxing. At long last Bob came upon a downtrodden Manny Pacquiao and an imprisoned Floyd Mayweather. Both looking downcast and dejected. "For you two, my two wonderful friends," Bob said, "we must give the fans exactly what they want." Both Pacquiao, Mayweather and the gathering Goldenboy crew inched closer, nervously resisting a smile. "Gentleman, we have made the fans wait too long. We have let people down, and over what?! Such issues as drug testing and catchweights? My fine friends this must happen no more. We have been derelict in our duty to these wonderful fans." By this time entire arenas were filled with 60+ thousand fans. Cameras were rolling, and pay per view buys were coming in at about five million. "Manny and Floyd, we're going to sit down and hammer out a deal. There will be reasonable drug testing protocol. There will be an even split of money. We will have a clear rematch clause, and there will be no catchweights." Both fighters by that point, unable to contain their emotions, hugged the joyful Arum. "We are going to put boxing back on the map with this fight!" And with that, the years well until Bob Arum's retirement were marked by some of the most sensational fights fans had ever seen. Fights were not on pay per view, unless warranted and accompanied by outstanding undercards. The fans of boxing were appreciated, and the entire sport of boxing had been saved. THE END.

Lol Incredible!

Updated to include Mosley