Boxing : 2010 A complete and comprehensive guide for all you NOOBS!

“I have taken a great many lickings in the ring, I can tell you” ~ Noel Coward on Boxing “Ain't gonna be no rematch!” ~ Apollo Creed to Rocky on boxing “Naw yu no!” ~ Manny Pacquiao on boxing “My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!!” ~ Mike Tyson on boxing “Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing- but none of them serious.” ~ Alan Minter on boxing “At the end of the day” ~ Joe Calzaghe on boxing Boxing is also known as "The Sweet Science," possibly due to the sport being overrun by athletes calling themselves "Sugar Ray." The object of boxing is to bet on the winning fighter. In boxing, the winner is determined by whichever boxer can leave the boxing ring (hereafter referred to as "the square circle") under his or her own power. The loser is anyone who pays $49.95 (£49.95) to see a fight that ends two minutes into the first round. * 1 Rules of Boxing * 2 History of Boxing * 3 Extended Rules of Boxing * 4 Greatest Fights of All Time 1. Rules of Boxing - No biting (or biting ears off, yes you know who you are), no eye gouging, no hitting below the belt. When I say break, I want you to break. I want a clean fight, OK? All right, touch gloves and come out at the bell. Make sure you don't hug your opponent either like that lassie John Ruiz. - In an argument about boxing, boxing fans are required to at least mention "its a science!" (which is really retarded because everything is a science, including the anatomy of a pile of shit). - In an argument about boxing, boxing fans are required to at least mention "styles make fights" (An old cliché in boxing states that Styles Make Fights. Yet no two boxers are the same anyway.). - In an argument about boxing, boxing fans are required to at least mention the words "ducked", "robbery", "biased f**king judges", "hypejob" and "Home town decision". 2. History of Boxing 500 B.C. Don King's hair achieves sentience ~23 A.D. The hair fixes it's first mega-event. A previously unknown smuck named Jeebus magically "resurrects" some guy named Lazarus. Profits exceed 10 goats and 50-60 chickens. Jeebus changes his name and has a book written about him. The Earl of Sandwich is usually given credit for inventing boxing as we know it today during the Summer of Love (June–September 1766). Feeling a little drunk, the Earl, whose real name was Maurice, sucker punched a visiting dignitary. Rather than be knocked out, the dignitary, whose name was also Maurice, fought back, landing a wicked right to the Earl's mouth, causing him to swallow three teeth. When both men had thoroughly exhausted themselves, they agreed that they should call their sport "boxing," since "shuffleboard" had already taken by the Earl of Schnitzel (real name: Maurice) some years beforehand. This day would be forever celebrated as Boxing Day. Boxing quickly spread like melted butter, as more people learned the joy of beating their friends to a bloody pulp. This necessitated the creation of an internal governing body. Thus, NASA (National Association Sport Association, as boxing is sometimes known as the national association sport) was born. Occasionally, a story was told of one who could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. This boxer was regarded with curiousity until people realized (With a "z". A Z!) it just meant he punched like a girl. Girls are not allowed to box. 3. Extended Rules of Boxing The rules of boxing have changed throughout the years and evolved from two men punching each other until one or more of them died to a well gaurded sport, in whitch minorities punch each other for the white mans entertainment. Joe "at the end of the day" Calzaghe is very black, as is Wladmir Klitschko. 4. Greatest Fights of All Time 1. The rectangle prizm vs. the cube was the most courageous and memorable moments in boxing history. 2. Rasmuscles from Bruxelles is the only fighter in history, who has been T.K.O'd by his own body odour. 3. Any fight between two topless chicks.