James Toney, The Final Chapter

James Toney, The Final Chapter: Here's a preview for all my dawgs on my soon to be released autobiography. I authorized my main man, LRR, the smartest writing and best fighting poster I've ever met, to disseminate this preview. Enjoy: "Recycle That Ol' KFC Bucket" This is an environmentally sound way to recycle your KFC bucket after your big dinner by reusing it. Empty out a large jar of peanut butter into the KFC bucket, I prefer nutty. Now empty out a large jar of apple jelly into the KFC bucket. Roughly mix together with a long handled spoon and warm in the microwave for 45 sec. Now throw in 7 sticks of margarine, 8 sticks if you feel sinful. Mash in with the spoon, and nuke another 30 sec. Now add in 2 cups of brown sugar, 1 small jar of black strap mollasses, 1 cup of chocolate drops, 1 medium sized jug of chocolate syrup. Stir together and microwave for 45 seconds. Stir again and then nuke for another minute. You will have already fired up one of those gas fired 10 gallon turkey fryers you can buy at Academy. Toss in 5 cups of Wesson oil and two cups of popcorn seed and close the lid until all popped. Empty contents into a clear plastic trash bag, throw in a half cup of salt and close and shake. Now empty contents of the KFC bucket into trash bag and shake well with popcorn. Throw the bag over your shoulder, grab your now empty KFC bucket and high step it into your living room and throw down next to your cooler filled with iced Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew that awaits you next to your couch. Scoop up a big bucket of my Patented Popcorn Delight with your KFC bucket and grab a couple of Dews. See how environmentally friendly you are, you've reused your KFC bucket twice now! Who ever said James Toney was not a sensitive man? Lay out on the couch like you are the King of Siam, hit the remote, and up comes the "Best of James Toney." Watch me completely dismantle the great undefeated young champ, Rydell Booker. I beat him all the way back to his crack house and dats a fact, Jack. Next pop in my tape where I completely destroy that phony Stoney and his chumpette, Juanita Louise Ruiz. Note the size of my guns compared to those pipecleaners he sports. Nothing but pure athleticism on display here. You got a homie droppin' by whose's a Montell Griffin fan? No problem, just pop in my Montell Griffin fights and let's give little Monty some credit here. He helped to elevate me out of the Lightheavy division and made me the BIG MAN I am today. Oh, did I mention "Lights Out" and Enjoy? Well, do it!