"Sergei... you just beat a black boxer, and that's caused me to lose my erection. I'm so depressed I'm nearly in tears, and it's making me forget to do that weird over-enunciating thing I always do. I may even top myself afterwards. Please... at least tell me he hurt you with a punch or something... anything you can do to try and help me get an erection again in the next month. Otherwise I think I may be impotent for life just thinking about it. Seriously, I might cry if I don't stop this interview."
"BerNARD, I can almost FEEL my erection coming BACK just TALKING to YOU. Don't FORGET that you are OLD, and thereFORE that's a valid REASON for you LOSING this FIGHT, and means I can STILL go HOME and hope to develop an ERECTION. In that LAST ROUND you TOOK so many PUNCHES and he STILL couldn't KNOCK you OUT. I'm GUSHING over THAT just like a FANBOY. Please, will you TOUCH me below my WAIST, I'm actually ABOUT to CUM in my PANTS. I LOVE boxers who are BLACK. Even in DEFEAT you're a GREAT GUY. Look at YOU, shaking Kovalev's HAND. You're so AMAZING I may TAKE YOU in my MOUTH right NOW."
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