Trainer problems

[Allilang]

It depends on how you look at things. Lots of coaches out there assume a role as "chief" and don't tolerate students talking back to them or not listening. For example Emanuel Steward left Prince Naseem and Adam Booth left Chris Eubank Jr because they argued, talked back and had their own ideas about how things should be done.

So I think you're right that he got a bad impression of you being slightly argumentative and maybe this then set the tone of the relationship you developed. Maybe he thinks you're not trainable because you argue with him. But it's really just guesswork, I don't know the actual extent that you talk back to him.

Having a heart to heart is probably the way to go, and since you suspect that your own actions might have contributed to the situation, then maybe it would help if you also apologize to him - from his perspective it might be seen as a sign of respect which might change his attitude. You mentioned that you tried to salvage the relationship, so maybe you already tried that?

I went there to get my things on Monday and he seemed surprised and finally listened to me and apologized.

I told him about how he treated me like a child and disrespected me. I told him how I had trouble with his lectures and he seemed to think they were "discussions" but I explained how he would just dismiss anything I tried to say and go on repeating himself for 30 minutes.

You asked about how the situation started. Honestly, it was very benign. When he would show my some crazy exaggerated move I would just look at him confused and say "I didn't do that" with no attitude at all except for confusion. He took offense to this and then gave me an attitude. Since I really didn't do the thing he showed me, I also felt disrespected from his attitude and how he would just throw up his arms and storm off. 2 months ago I finally figured out that he was just EXTREMELY bad at mimicking movement.

The attitude may have escalated from what we both perceived as disrespect. When I mentioned the disrespect yesterday he seemed shocked when I clarified that HE was also disrespecting ME. He first assumed I meant the other way around.


Anyway, he wants me to go back and try one more week. I am really torn about it. I'm scared of going back to a bad relationship where I will only get hurt again. It is past the time when I normally go, and I am just sitting home not knowing what to do.

Things don't get to me often. Usually little things build up for a long time over months until something big sets it off and I explode. He set me off 4 times now.

[KidDinamita]

I have a problem with my current trainer that I need some advice about, or at the very least a second opinion.

Just for context, I am a 32 year old white female training in Korea. I am the only foreigner at my gym and the only female capable of sparring.

My trainer has a habit of going off onto 30+ minute lectures and this happened again on Friday. It started off innocently enough. He said it looked like I liked boxing and asked why I don't ask him questions. It caught me off guard and at first I didn't have an answer as to why I stopped but then when I thought about it, it was pretty clear.

He is always condescending to me. If I don't pick up something instantly he will just give up within a minute. I am horrible at mitts because he will give up and just say I need to practice after a minute or two and then not do mitts again with me for months.

When I practice alone or am sparring he will give me a tip. I will practice the way he said diligently, but then I become tired and will slip up once in a while. If he sees the slip up he will jump in and scold me like I was doing it wrong the entire time. If I tell him "I know and that was just one mistake" he will get angry and claim like I don't believe him.

I think this "not believing him" thing started because he would show me what I did wrong by wildly exaggerating his movements. He did this in such a way that only an idiot would perform. I would look at him swinging his body and arms wildly and say ".... I have never done that." It took almost a year to figure out he was just really bad at (or maybe insultingly) exaggerating my movements.

He also scolds me for trying things I learned on my own through watching other fighters or videos. He says I'm "playing" and to stop. However, when I spar people while doing what he says, I get my ass kicked.

This "playing" thing has gotten so bad that he once told me to get out of the ring when we started laughing when my partner made a funny expression when I caught him off guard. A few days later he said I was too slow. I told him my foot hurt and he made me get out of the ring even though I knew I could endure it. He said I can't learn anything if I cant operate at 100% and forced me out of the ring to my protest. The way he said it is like he is scolding a little child.

On Friday he also criticized how I had been learning for a year and a newer member was better than me. This made me very angry for 2 reasons. first, that new member got full attention and was allowed to spar almost every day while I did nothing but shadow boxing and watch for months. Now that he actually lets me spar more, I beat the man while doing non contact sparring. But then on the last minute the coach told the male fighter to go all out with real contact on the final minute and I could not compete with his strength.

I am supposed to be training for my first match in late February, and the next closest gym is over 40 minutes away.

I tried explaining my grievances but this just makes him treat me worse. If something was a misunderstanding he will lecture me about how he didn't misunderstand, even though he clearly did. (he cant speak English and my Korean isn't perfect)

There are many more things he does to me, but I will just stop here instead of writing a book.

Could this just all be my fault like my coach seems to think? Or is he a racist, sexist man who I need to separate myself from asap?

If you're not happy with this coach, just join another gym, although I don't know the situation, from you're description he looks like a weirdo type. At 32 you don't have time to waste with people you don't like.

Speaking from experience, got stuck into the same "gym" for almost six years now. hopping from one gym to another with the same coach, and the reason that he always ended up without a gym is because he always got sacked from the owners of the gyms. Lost six damn years without fighting because I was never confident in him, but since he is a friend of mine I didn't want to leave. Hopefully will man up and join another gym this month that I am confident in.

[FlatLine]

I went there to get my things on Monday and he seemed surprised and finally listened to me and apologized.

I told him about how he treated me like a child and disrespected me. I told him how I had trouble with his lectures and he seemed to think they were "discussions" but I explained how he would just dismiss anything I tried to say and go on repeating himself for 30 minutes.

You asked about how the situation started. Honestly, it was very benign. When he would show my some crazy exaggerated move I would just look at him confused and say "I didn't do that" with no attitude at all except for confusion. He took offense to this and then gave me an attitude. Since I really didn't do the thing he showed me, I also felt disrespected from his attitude and how he would just throw up his arms and storm off. 2 months ago I finally figured out that he was just EXTREMELY bad at mimicking movement.

The attitude may have escalated from what we both perceived as disrespect. When I mentioned the disrespect yesterday he seemed shocked when I clarified that HE was also disrespecting ME. He first assumed I meant the other way around.


Anyway, he wants me to go back and try one more week. I am really torn about it. I'm scared of going back to a bad relationship where I will only get hurt again. It is past the time when I normally go, and I am just sitting home not knowing what to do.

Things don't get to me often. Usually little things build up for a long time over months until something big sets it off and I explode. He set me off 4 times now.

Now that you've talked about it with him, it's probably worth giving it another week to see if things improve. If he's now aware that you feel disrespected too, perhaps he'll change his ways. If he does a poor imitation, simply imitate him back as well as his corrections and say something like "so you mean not like this, but like this.." You say he's just extremely bad at mimicking movements, so it's something which might not change in the future therefore it's best to handle it in a different way and try not to take personal offence at a poor imitation as it may be entirely unintentional.

He probably hopes to see some indication from you that you value him as a coach so when you give him a confused look and say "I didn't do that" then he probably thinks you're just undermining him and his ability to train, so he walks off in a huff. Sometimes even giving someone a "look of confusion" can be misinterpreted into a "look of disgust", or a "look of incredulity". Try to remain poker faced when talking with him because he might misinterpret your facial expressions to mean something that you don't intend and that might trigger him. Give it another week, let's hope things improve soon.

[fschofield]

You have to find a trainer that your comfortable with.

[Jamesfranklin]

You must find a good coach with positive attitude and better teaching skills. You can't show your full potential while training due to his behavior. So finding a right coach, where you will feel comfortable in doing training and meeting your goals for your better future.