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Originally posted by kadyo
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lolz prof patingin sa afterdark para masigurado ko hehe... -
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gandang umaga/tanghali/hkapon/gabi sa lahat mga parekoyComment
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nilalangaw yata ang ating pinoylang...
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KUTO
Pasyente: Doc anong gamot sa kuto ko???
Doc: Bakit ano ba sakit ng kuto mo???
hahaha
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A business plan
An old lady walks along a street, carrying a big bag in one hand, and a small bag in another hand. In every step she makes, a 5-dollar bill falls down from the bigger bag. A policeman approaches:
“There’s money dropping out from your bag, madam.”
“Thank you, son,” says the old woman, “I’ll just go back and pick it up.”
“Well, but where is the money from?” investigates the officer. “I mean, you didn’t steal it or anything?”
“Oh, you know, son, I live right next to the football stadium. And when some fella comes to pee in the bushes by my door, I will already be there, waiting with a sharp knife and yell: “What do you think, defiling my garden like that, you son of a *****! Give me 5 dollars or I’ll cut it off!”
“What a brilliant way to do business…” the policeman muses. “By the way – what’s in the smaller bag?”
“Well son, not everybody is willing to pay…”Comment
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Best Divorce Letter, everrrr!
Dear wife:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
Despite all of thse, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl(man)……… I hope that’s not a problem !Comment
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Spanish Class
Teacher: Use “Puera” in a sentence
Juan: All our teachers are beautiful.
Teacher: where’s the puera word there
Juan: puera po kayo maamComment
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Americanized Filipino names
This joke was very popular about ten years ago. Para sa mga hindi nakita ito.
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Gregorio Talahib – George Bush
Tomas Cruz – Tom Cruise
Macario Maldonado – Mac Donald
Remegio Batungbacal – Remington Steel
Victoria Malihim – Victoria Secret
Bienvenido Jurado – Ben Hur
Juanito Lakarin – Johnny Walker
Federico Hagibis – Federal Express
Esteban Magtaka – Stevie Wonder
Jaime Bondoc – James Bond
Leon Mangubat – Tiger Woods
Eleuterio Ignacio – Electronic Ignition
Burgus Bahag-Hari – Burger King
Kasimiro Bukaykay – Cashmere Bouquet
Maria Calas – Mary Kay
Rogelio Dagdagan – Roger Moore
Topacio Mamaril – Top Gun
Restituto Pruto – Tutti Frutti
Samuel Tampipi – Sam Sonite
Veneracion De Asis – Venereal Disease
Alfonso De Asis – Alzheimer Disease
Francisco Portero – Frank Porter
Diosdado Durante – Deo Dorant
Roberto Controlado – Bert Control
Marcelo Controlado – Muscle Control
Carpio Llanes – Carpool Lanes
Julia Domingo – Holy Sunday
Maria Pascua – Mary Christmas
Ligaya Anonuevo – Happy New Year
Ligaya Almundo – Joy To The World
Ricardo Martinez – Ricky MartinComment
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