Pinoy Lang

[kadyo's]

Mag-ama nakasakay sa barko habang bumabagyo...

Anak: Tay ! Nag-aalala po ako. Parang lulubog ang barko.
Tatay: Tanga! Ba't ka mag-aalala eh di naman atin ito!

[kadyo's]

Anak: Tay , totoo po bang may multo?
Tatay: Anak walang multo! Bakit mo naitanong?
Anak: Sabi kasi ni yaya merong multo!
Tatay: Anak...wala tayong yaya!

[kadyo's]

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... .Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 January 2009

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

[kadyo's]

Diets and Dying

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[kadyo's]

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?''

She calls on little Johnny.

''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''

The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.''

Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU.

There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately ******* the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''

''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''

[Dale Cardon]

Vampire Session

Isang araw my 3 bampira na naguusap sa isang club;

Rich Vampire: Pa order nga ng Fresh blood..

Middle Class Vampire: Ako naman ung Dinuguan..

Poor Vampire: Sa akin, Hot water nalang..

Waiter: Bakit po Hot Water lang ang order ninyo?

Poor Vampire: Paano naman eh nakapulot ako ng napkin sa daan kanina, mag te-tea nalang ako..

[Dale Cardon]

Patandaan ng lolo



May tatlong mag-kakaibigan nagpapatandaan ng lolong namatay

friend#1.Lolo ko namatay noong edad na 100 years old.

friend#2.Lolo ko naman namatay noong edad na 130 years old

friend#3.Wala mga lolo nyo sa lolo ko, lolo ko sa sobrang katandaan, kami na ang pumatay.

nainip amfufu

[Dale Cardon]

Tula naman tayo mga parekoy.


Tula sa araw araw

O ano itong nadarama ko? Di ko alam kung saan tutungo.

Hinahanap kita at ng ikaw ay makita,

Ako ay tuwang-tuwa sapagkat ikaw ay nakahanda.

Kaagad akong naghubad ng walang alinlangan,

At sa iyo ay pumatong ng dahan-dahan.

Sa ibabaw mo ako ay sumigla,

Kahit anong posisyon ay aking ginawa.

Ako ay lubhang nahirapan at pinagpawisan,

Hanggang sa di katagalan ako ay nilabasan.

Ang sarap talaga kapag nakapatong sayo,

Oh mahal ko, mahal kong










Inidoro! O ano? bastos kasi kayo mag-isip eh. hehe

[Dale Cardon]

pinaka-magaling



Teacher: ok class, only Juan got 99/100...

Juan: oha! Ano kayo ngayun?! Mamundok nalang kayu! Magtanim nalang kayu ng kamote mga bobo! Mga walang pinag aralan, mga ubod ng tanga! Bakit hindi pa kayo magpakamatay?!

Teacher: the rest got 100..

.basag.

[Dale Cardon]

Pumayat


Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko, kaya gusto
niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding
siya...

Jorge: Ano'ng resulta?

Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo 'yung kabayo!