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****HAWK!
Larry Jonathan ****hawk, 46, was one LAPD's finest detectives. Yet his unorthodox, maverick ways forced him out onto the streets to carry out his work with his own investigation agency.
Larry travels to crime scenes with a turd on a plate in his passenger seat, a turd he speaks to as he believes they share a telepathic link.
That's like his trademark, you see? Kind of like how people will say "Columbo, that's the guy who said 'just one more thing...'", people will go "****hawk!... that's the show about a guy with a turd on a plate."
It'd be like that scene where they investigate inside a strip club in True Detective... ****hawk would get a subtle psychological edge by placing a turd on a plate on the top of the bar while conducting his investigations.
I haven't yet worked out all the finer details, like whether it's a fresh one he curls out each day (possibly while interrogating suspects) or whether it's an old turd that's gradually decaying, acting as a counterpoint to his own personal ennui, and the entropy of the universe itself. A kind of metaphorical turd, if you will.
I'll show you how one of the investigations from the first episode might go, just to give you guys a taster of how exciting some of the episodes could be...
"What's your part in this murder I'm investigating, Beercules? Word on the street is, you left the army in suspicious circumstances, and last Thursday you got your shit pushed back in by a dwarf. What's the connection?"
"You're getting confused, ****hawk... that was last Tuesday. Last Thursday my sister was repeatedly mistaking my head for a bottle bank. And I didn't leave the army under mysterious circumstances... I left because I was a complete fucking asshole. That, and my anus kept prolapsing."
See, it's got something, hasn't it? People talk about stuff like The Sopranos and Breaking Bad, but I think this could be the next big thing.
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