Chuck Norris: Redux

[American_Ninja]

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, this resulted in the birth of Jackie Chan and Jet Li.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "****!"

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Feel free to add your little known facts about Chuck Norris.

[bumboclott]

what the ****

[AintGottaClue]

greatest post ever, America is chuck norris

did u know chuck is Sturm's daddy?

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what... the ****?

[enadeus]

We have a announcement board on my college dorm floor, and the current theme is chuck norris.

[patto1984]

>>Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.

>>If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse
kicks you in the face.

>>Chuck Norris uses ribbed con doms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.

>>Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick
related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

>>There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck
Norris.

>>There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist.

>>It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight
to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to him.

>>Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a
high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck
roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then
proceeded to **** every girl in the stadium.

>>When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving,
Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when
he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her
a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

>>Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it
is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the
face that day.

>>If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck
corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns
the entire state down.

>>Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

>>Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia
Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

>>Chuck Norris does not have AIDS, but he gives it to people
anyway.

>>Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly
thereafter he grew a beard.

>>When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die
from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He
also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo
meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

>>Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to
stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets
with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.

>>Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face
and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay
mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker
every second Wednesday of the month.

>>A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".
Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

>>Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a
canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

>>Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her
and saying "booya".

>>Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

>>Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling: "****!"

>>The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

>>After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic
bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris.
His reasoning? It was more "humane".

>>Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they
do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

>>Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

>>If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

>>One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact
that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact
tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

>>Chuck Norris took my ******ity, and he will sure as hell take
yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already
lost my ******ity." then you are dead wrong.

[AintGottaClue]

hahahahahaah did u guys take this from some chuck norris website, its funny as ****