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Michael Marley
Boxing Examiner
November 23rd, 2010
It's simple, really.
If Manny Pacquiao has three full years of boxing left, that means he has the time and inclination for five bouts.
As you know, there are those haters who want to see the Pinoy Idol maimed if not actually killed.
Much as I hate to be on the side of those drinking the Haterade, I came up with a foolproof plan to destroy Pacman well before he turns age 35.
Here is my plan to crucify Megamanny:
May, 2011--A 17 pound weight advantage and a five-inch height disadvantage mean nothing to Pacman as he proved against hulking but slower than molasses Antonio Margarito. So let's keep playing the Giantkiller game and match Manny against super middleweight Andre Ward. Guess we'll have to hold this fight in Ward's hometown of Oakland, since he seems to fight no where else, but the Pinoys will outnumber Ward's Gospel choirs in the arena. Maybe Pacman can weigh in at 144 again and thus concede about 35 or so pounds.
November, 2011--Bernard Hopkins, whose only sponsor now is Viagra, is still fighting at age 73 or so why not have this African American ring legend fight Manny? Pacquiao has been ducking black Americans who did felony prison time for robbery but then became solid citizens for the longest. I don't think BHop's old State Pen is available so we hold this one at Penn State. Hopkins will only have a 48 pound weight advantage over Manny. Those kneecap and ankle jabs should be tough for creaking BHop to defend, right?
May 2012--Time for Pacman to fight someone whose weights equals the combined weight of he and trainer Freddie Roach. Thus, let's pipe Sailor Steve Cunningham aboard as he wil ltry to mop the deck with Tiny Pacman. Cunningham, at 190 solid pounds before breakfast, lunch and dinner, has a 60 pound weight advantage but how can he swat a pesky fly like Manny?
WE NOW INTERRUPT THIS COLUMN to....compliment a real sportsman named Sergio Martinez who, as reported by Rascal Ricardo Lois (citing Argentina's Cadena 3), had the class to remark that he would not want to hammer the softened up by Pacman Antonio Margatio...even though Margarito has a victory over "Maravilla." That's sportmanship just like Pacquiao taking his foot off the gas pedal in the late rounds and imploring the ref to halt his Margarito massacre.
November 2012--We're done with those boring lower weight classes. Alex Ariza has put triple strength mystery shakes into effect and now the 188 pound Pacman goes to Dortmund, Germany, to expose Vitali Klitschko, who only weighs 240. Manny is now trying to his 42nd world title in as many divisions and, though he began at 108 pounds, his left ankle weighs that much. Manny stops Vitali on (cold) cuts, hitting and hurting the big man with liverwurst, bratwurst and much worse.
May 2013--Floyd Mayweather Jr. is now a parking valet attendant at The Wynn in Vegas and earning penty of moolah. Floyd really enjoys the all cash method of accounting and tax reporting. He tells the media, "I can't believe Manny used his patented sushi rolls to whip that big boy, Vitali, but he will never beat brother Wladimir. As usual, Floyd Jr. is off the mark as 90,000 fans watch in Munich as Pacquiao uses his tsete fly offense to outpoint a confused WKlit over 12 rounds. WKlit cornerman Manny Steward says, "I don't believe what I just saw!"
Immediately after this bout, Pacman retires and Bob Arum presents him with a golden wheelchair which he--ahem--sorely needs.
The key word is sorely.
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