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...5am...dawn, on a Monday. Bernard Hopkins and Sugar Shane Mosley are in the kitchen, Shane in overalls and Bernard in his "Driving Miss Daisy" chauffeur get up. They are drinking black coffee and eating some hardtack and molasses for breakfast, before the workday begins, and reading the newspaper by a lantern.
Sugar......."Bernard, pass de lasses' please.
Bernard............"Gotdamn Shane, I dont know how you kin eat up dat ****. Massa makes 25 million every time he has a Pay Per View and all he kin give us fo' breakfas' is dis ****, sho be nice if a man could gits a ****in' pancake once in a while round' here. I be drivin' Mr. Schaefer all over de ****in' place today. I got hongry the other day while he was "visitin' dat ****ing ********** an' stopped at Popeys's to gits me sum lunch and I'll be gotdamned if he didn' start hollerin' at me fo' eatin' on de job.
Sugar......I loves me some dat' Molasses. Gives me energy all day long, ****, right after I mow de lawn, Miss Millie needs me to go over to the Townhouse wif her to "move some furniture" an' I needs all de strength I kin muster fo' dat....dat heifer never gits enough, ****."
Bernard......"sugah, you keep hittin' dat ****, you gonna gits all our asses fired."
Sugar........"Hell, it aint my fault, and she de Baws too! She calls me her "Mandingo Warrior" lol. Says Massa don' even want her anymo' in de bedroom, and she gots "needs" dat only a brotha kin fullfill. I asks her, what do he do, when you in de bed nekkid and wantin' him, and she say all he do is text some guy used to be on a show called "Head of de Class" at 3 in de mo'nin."
Bernard, (seeing something move across the kitchen floor)...."What de **** was dat?"
Sugar............"What was what"
Bernard............"Over dere, by de stove"
Sugar......I dont see anything"
Bernard....."****! Dats de biggest ****ing rat I ever seed in my gotdamned life. Looks like a little dog, Sugah, where de broom at?"
Sugar............"HOLY JESUS HOLY JESUS, dats a monster!!!"
, (Grabs the kitchen knife he was using to spread the molasses)
Bernard............."Gotdamn I thought we had some ****ing big **** in Philly, but dat de King Poopah of all ****, must weigh 20-30 pounds. (Grabs the broom)....Ok, sugar, we gonna kill us dis mutha****a, you sneaks over on dat side, I gone whack his ass wif dis broom, an' stun him and den you stab dat mutha****a, befo' he gits away, got it?
Sugar................"Got it"
(They sneak up on the unsuspecting rodent, who is peacefully sniffing around the stove)
Bernard raises the broom over his head, and hits the rodent, broadside, and the hair on it's back stands,and it raises up on it's hind legs, and bares it's teeth and screetches at them.
Bernard.................."GOTDAMN SUGAH KILL DAT MUTHA****A!!!" STAB IM' WID DE ****IN' KNIFE!"
Sugar....................."OK!!!" (Jumps at the rodent and stabs at it, but misses, as the rodent backs away, still screeching)
(Both) "AHHHHHHHH!!!! GIT THE **** AWAY RATT!!! (Bernard swings the broom wildly, as the Rodent scurries under the table.)
Just then, the maid walks in, (Overweight black woman, looks like Florida Evans from "Good Times"................."Whats all dis hollerin' goin' on dis time o' de mo'nin? Bernard, Sugah???"
Bernard.............."Henrietta, gits yo' ass back in de other room, deres a big ****in' rat we tryin' to kill in dis kitchen."
Henrietta the Maid..........."You ignant' mutha****a, dat aint no common rat, dats Massa's new pet. You harm one hair on his head, an' Massa sell you fo' sunup to Top Rank."
Bernard............." A pet rat? What in de name of de debbil do Massa wants wid a rat?"
Henrietta the Maid..........You two had better leave dat mouse lone' and gits to work fo' Massa wakes up."
Millie Corrtejer, wearing a black leather mini, black heels and a tiny leather jacket looks into the kitchen..........."Schoo-gar, what de *** are you doing? Get off de floor, and drive me too de townhouse, we need to move de furniture, you know I dont like to wait"
Sugar.............."Yes Ma'am, Miss Millie"
Bernard......(Muttering to himself)........."Dat mutha****a gone gits us all fired"
Just then Oscar, wearing a gold lame robe,and what appears to be make up walks in the kitchen...."Good morning everyone, is the coffee ready?....(Makes kissing noises directed under the table)...."Here Conchita....come to daddy!....(The rat jumps into his arms and he pets it, as it cradles in his arms)
Bernard..............."I'll be gotdamned"
Sugar......."Bernard, pass de lasses' please.
Bernard............"Gotdamn Shane, I dont know how you kin eat up dat ****. Massa makes 25 million every time he has a Pay Per View and all he kin give us fo' breakfas' is dis ****, sho be nice if a man could gits a ****in' pancake once in a while round' here. I be drivin' Mr. Schaefer all over de ****in' place today. I got hongry the other day while he was "visitin' dat ****ing ********** an' stopped at Popeys's to gits me sum lunch and I'll be gotdamned if he didn' start hollerin' at me fo' eatin' on de job.
Sugar......I loves me some dat' Molasses. Gives me energy all day long, ****, right after I mow de lawn, Miss Millie needs me to go over to the Townhouse wif her to "move some furniture" an' I needs all de strength I kin muster fo' dat....dat heifer never gits enough, ****."
Bernard......"sugah, you keep hittin' dat ****, you gonna gits all our asses fired."
Sugar........"Hell, it aint my fault, and she de Baws too! She calls me her "Mandingo Warrior" lol. Says Massa don' even want her anymo' in de bedroom, and she gots "needs" dat only a brotha kin fullfill. I asks her, what do he do, when you in de bed nekkid and wantin' him, and she say all he do is text some guy used to be on a show called "Head of de Class" at 3 in de mo'nin."
Bernard, (seeing something move across the kitchen floor)...."What de **** was dat?"
Sugar............"What was what"
Bernard............"Over dere, by de stove"
Sugar......I dont see anything"
Bernard....."****! Dats de biggest ****ing rat I ever seed in my gotdamned life. Looks like a little dog, Sugah, where de broom at?"
Sugar............"HOLY JESUS HOLY JESUS, dats a monster!!!"
, (Grabs the kitchen knife he was using to spread the molasses)
Bernard............."Gotdamn I thought we had some ****ing big **** in Philly, but dat de King Poopah of all ****, must weigh 20-30 pounds. (Grabs the broom)....Ok, sugar, we gonna kill us dis mutha****a, you sneaks over on dat side, I gone whack his ass wif dis broom, an' stun him and den you stab dat mutha****a, befo' he gits away, got it?
Sugar................"Got it"
(They sneak up on the unsuspecting rodent, who is peacefully sniffing around the stove)
Bernard raises the broom over his head, and hits the rodent, broadside, and the hair on it's back stands,and it raises up on it's hind legs, and bares it's teeth and screetches at them.
Bernard.................."GOTDAMN SUGAH KILL DAT MUTHA****A!!!" STAB IM' WID DE ****IN' KNIFE!"
Sugar....................."OK!!!" (Jumps at the rodent and stabs at it, but misses, as the rodent backs away, still screeching)
(Both) "AHHHHHHHH!!!! GIT THE **** AWAY RATT!!! (Bernard swings the broom wildly, as the Rodent scurries under the table.)
Just then, the maid walks in, (Overweight black woman, looks like Florida Evans from "Good Times"................."Whats all dis hollerin' goin' on dis time o' de mo'nin? Bernard, Sugah???"
Bernard.............."Henrietta, gits yo' ass back in de other room, deres a big ****in' rat we tryin' to kill in dis kitchen."
Henrietta the Maid..........."You ignant' mutha****a, dat aint no common rat, dats Massa's new pet. You harm one hair on his head, an' Massa sell you fo' sunup to Top Rank."
Bernard............." A pet rat? What in de name of de debbil do Massa wants wid a rat?"
Henrietta the Maid..........You two had better leave dat mouse lone' and gits to work fo' Massa wakes up."
Millie Corrtejer, wearing a black leather mini, black heels and a tiny leather jacket looks into the kitchen..........."Schoo-gar, what de *** are you doing? Get off de floor, and drive me too de townhouse, we need to move de furniture, you know I dont like to wait"
Sugar.............."Yes Ma'am, Miss Millie"
Bernard......(Muttering to himself)........."Dat mutha****a gone gits us all fired"
Just then Oscar, wearing a gold lame robe,and what appears to be make up walks in the kitchen...."Good morning everyone, is the coffee ready?....(Makes kissing noises directed under the table)...."Here Conchita....come to daddy!....(The rat jumps into his arms and he pets it, as it cradles in his arms)
Bernard..............."I'll be gotdamned"