You remember that one, right? An old Swedish film about death challenging a man to a game of chess on virtue of his life. Starring Max Von Sydow, some hurdy-gurdy Euro Schneller with an ayrian look.
But what if Mikkel was that blonde, blue-eyed opponent playing chess for his life? This is what would happen after Death moves his first pawn:

Mikkel: "Schnell... nein, nein. I give uppenshun. You vin."
Death: "wtf??? I've only just moved my pawn, Mikkel, we've only just started. It can still go either way."
Mikkel: "Nein... I izt are behind, I am resigned to defeatshun. You kill me now, you have von zee game of chess."
Death: "Look, you twat, we've got to get a whole film out of this ****ing thing, you can't just mentally quit and give up as soon as you're a move down. What kind of **** are you?"
Mikkel: "I izt are carry on, but I just move pieces half-heartedly, I know now that I vill lose."
Death: "FFS! What a prick!"

Mikkel: "Now you izt are und trapping me in zee jail cell. In my country I are izt used to referees giving me the key and letting me walk out of the cell."
Death: "Jesus Christ, will you stop bitching already, ****?"
Mikkel: "And you are too closeshun. My referees in Schnell Land don't let zee opponent get too close, I get to vork from distance, ya."
Death: "FFS, that's it, I'm off."

"I've had about as much as I can stand from that Robo Schnell... Jesus, what a complete ****ing prick!"
But what if Mikkel was that blonde, blue-eyed opponent playing chess for his life? This is what would happen after Death moves his first pawn:

Mikkel: "Schnell... nein, nein. I give uppenshun. You vin."
Death: "wtf??? I've only just moved my pawn, Mikkel, we've only just started. It can still go either way."
Mikkel: "Nein... I izt are behind, I am resigned to defeatshun. You kill me now, you have von zee game of chess."
Death: "Look, you twat, we've got to get a whole film out of this ****ing thing, you can't just mentally quit and give up as soon as you're a move down. What kind of **** are you?"
Mikkel: "I izt are carry on, but I just move pieces half-heartedly, I know now that I vill lose."
Death: "FFS! What a prick!"

Mikkel: "Now you izt are und trapping me in zee jail cell. In my country I are izt used to referees giving me the key and letting me walk out of the cell."
Death: "Jesus Christ, will you stop bitching already, ****?"
Mikkel: "And you are too closeshun. My referees in Schnell Land don't let zee opponent get too close, I get to vork from distance, ya."
Death: "FFS, that's it, I'm off."

"I've had about as much as I can stand from that Robo Schnell... Jesus, what a complete ****ing prick!"
Comment