by David P. Greisman
Carnac was a hack.
Miss Cleo? A zero.
Forget those seers. I’ll make you a believer.
Like Mark McGwire, I’m not here to talk about the past. There’s no more need to ponder 2008 now that 2009 is under way. Why reminisce when one can predict?
The ball has dropped on the new year. Let us peer into the crystal ball for a preview of what’s to come:
January
Antonio Margarito will do what no one has done before, stopping Shane Mosley and doing so in front of a packed crowd at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Mosley will consider retirement at first, but instead will sign to fight Oscar De La Hoya in a “Loser Leaves Town” match. Margarito will take the momentum from his victory into a rematch with Miguel Cotto.
In other news concerning Top Rank, Bob Arum will remember that he promotes welterweight titlist Joshua Clottey. Five minutes later, Arum will forget all about Clottey and instead turn his attention toward other fighters in his stable.
Golden Boy Promotions, meanwhile, will ponder what to do about its aging stars. In a momentary lapse of judgment, chief executive Richard Schaefer will make bids for C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Mark Teixeira and Manny Ramirez.
February
Jorge Arce will ride a horse to the ring for his fight against Vic Darchinyan. Though Arce will have weighed in a day before at 115 pounds, his weight on fight night will make him larger than any of the jockeys involved with the Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont Stakes.
Not to be outdone, Darchinyan will be carried to the ring by Cristian Mijares and Dimitri Kirilov.
Ricardo Mayorga will show that he’s not quite done yet, giving junior-middleweight prospect Alfredo Angulo his first career loss. Mayorga will capitalize on the big win with a role, opposite Edison Miranda, on the Latin American spin-off of MTV’s improvisational trash-talking show, “Wild ‘n Out.” The putdowns will become a bit too heated, leading to an in-ring clash between the foul-mouthed fighters from Nicaragua and Colombia.
Kelly Pavlik and Miguel Cotto will headline against Marco Antonio Rubio and Michael Jennings, respectively, on a split-site pay-per-view. Pugilistic philosophers will ponder the eternal question: “If mismatches cost $50 to watch and no one tunes in to see them, did they really happen?”
The finale of the fourth season of “The Contender” will air Feb. 25 on Versus.
Versus will cancel “The Contender” on Feb. 26.
Fox Sports Net will pick up the fifth season of “The Contender” on Feb. 27. Tony Danza will be fired as host, replaced by former basketball player and current “Best Damn Sports Show Period” host John Salley. The fifth season will feature 16 heavyweights, all over the age of 40, all looking for one more shot. The surprise winner? Larry Holmes.
March
Wladimir Klitschko will knock out Chris Arreola in six rounds. Just before that, in the fifth round, trainer Emanuel Steward will tie Klitschko’s right hand behind his back. Klitschko will throw 70 jabs in that stanza, landing 45.
Klitschko will sign to fight again in July, this time against Drederick Tatum.
Chad Dawson will again beat Antonio Tarver. On the undercard, Dawson’s wife will score a technical knockout victory over Tarver’s wife.
Paul Williams will defeat Winky Wright by split decision.
Scott Harrison will be arrested.
April
Wladimir and Vitali Klitschko will take part in a tag team match at WrestleMania 25 against another brother tandem, Matt and Jeff Hardy.
Not to be outdone, smaller wrestling federation Total Nonstop Action will put on a three-way sumo match between Butterbean, Fernando Vargas and James Toney.
Scott Harrison will be released from jail.
Scott Harrison will be arrested again.
May
The build-up to Manny Pacquiao’s fight with Ricky Hatton will feature the two fighters on HBO in a four-part “24-7” series full of contrived scenes and manufactured drama. Hatton will be shown drinking, playing darts and mooning the camera. Pacquiao will be shown shadowboxing on the roof of the Wild Card Boxing Club.
Manny Pacquiao will slice up Ricky Hatton’s face, forcing the ringside physician to call a halt to the bout.
In a show of solidarity with his fallen opponent, Pacquiao’s next hit single in the Philippines will be a cover of “Walking in a Hatton Wonderland.”
June
A year to the date after he left the sport, Floyd Mayweather Jr. will come out of retirement. Mayweather will call out Manny Pacquiao. To taunt Pacquiao, Mayweather will release a YouTube video of him covering songs from Pacquiao’s previous album.
Mayweather’s Philthy Rich Records will finally put out a CD: Roy Jones’ new record.
Vitali Klitschko and Ruslan Chagaev will suffer injuries simultaneously after colliding with each other while on their respective training runs.
July
Floyd Mayweather Jr. will retire yet again. Sugar Ray Leonard will confront Money May, telling him, “Enough’s enough.”
Executives at Showtime, not content with their “Showtime Championship Boxing” team of blow-by-blow announcer Steve Albert, analyst Al Bernstein, and interviewers Jim Gray and Karyn Bryant, will bring on the ghost of Howard Cosell.
Oscar De La Hoya will announce that he has one more fight left in him. The list of boxers calling him out ranges from Vic Darchinyan and Bobby Pacquiao to Laila Ali and Naseem Hamed.
August
Paul Williams will outpoint Kelly Pavlik to capture the middleweight championship. Williams will tell reporters at the post-fight press conference that he is jumping to 168. He will call out Mikkel Kessler, who is stuck on a milk carton somewhere and cannot be reached for comment.
Oscar De La Hoya will announce that he has chosen his final opponent – current 108-pound titlist Ivan Calderon.
The World Boxing Council will buy out the WBA, WBO and IBF but decide to keep the three sanctioning bodies afloat so that it can continue to charge sanctioning fees for all.
September
Evander Holyfield will fight Randy Couture for the new, unified UFC/WBC Senior Tour Heavyweight Championship.
Over at “Showtime Championship Boxing,” Steve Albert, Al Bernstein, Jim Gray and Karyn Bryant will have been let go. The ghost of Howard Cosell will fill all of their roles capably.
Vitali Klitschko, healed from his training injury, will call out Lennox Lewis.
October
Facing criticism from fans and pundits who miss the capable team of Steve Albert and Al Bernstein, “Showtime Championship Boxing” will hill Larry Merchant. The network will put Merchant alongside the ghost of Howard Cosell on a special Halloween night fight card. The show will pull in stellar ratings, though casual viewers will admit to being unable to tell which commentator was the undead.
Evander Holyfield and Randy Couture will face controversy following their fight from the previous month. Couture will come under fire for undergoing “hormone replacement therapy,” while another reporter will question Holyfield about his continuing search for the truth behind “Evan Fields.”
Ivan Calderon will make Oscar De La Hoya quit after 5 one-sided rounds.
November
With its budget completely spent for the year once again, HBO will put on two of the four pay-per-views that will end 2009. The network will raise its prices to $60 per show, or $70 for high-definition broadcasts.
Heavyweight journeyman Zuri Lawrence will score the first knockout victory of his career. He promptly retires.
Bernard Hopkins and Roy Jones will finally sign for a rematch. Hopkins and Jones will sit down over Thanksgiving dinner and pull on a wishbone to decide who gets the bigger paycheck.
December
Felix Trinidad will come back once again. He is sent back into retirement after a loss to Paul Williams.
ESPN2 will cancel “Friday Night Fights,” deciding to save money by airing reruns of the World Series of Poker. Brian Kenny will land more “SportsCenter” shifts. Joe Tessitore will fill in on horse racing, college football and bowling broadcasts. Teddy Atlas will have an epiphany and set out to become the next Poet Laureate of the United States.
All of the above aside, boxing will have a great year. We all will look forward to 2010.
The 10 Count – “Pugs in Cuffs” Edition
1. Boxers Behaving Badly, part one: Former 140-pound contender Jan Bergman was arrested last month and charged with assaulting his fiancée after she found him with two women carrying overnight bags, according to South African newspaper The Sowetan.
Bergman, 38, is accused of pushing his fiancée against a glass door, cutting her right arm.
The incident allegedly began when Bergman’s fiancée came with their two children for a Christmas visit. Bergman wasn’t there, so she let herself in with a spare key.
Bergman apparently didn’t think she would be there until days later. He soon arrived with the other women.
“I told him that we were going to visit my cousin … because we had been fighting a lot … I decided to come back the next day,” Bergman’s fiancée was quoted as telling police. “While I was preparing food he came with some ladies … He was hugging one of them.
“I told him that they were not going to sleep in our house, but he insisted that I must leave because they wanted to sleep.”
Bergman is free on bail. He is best known for his two shots at a junior-middleweight title – knockout losses to Kostya Tszyu in 1996 and Zab Judah in 2000. He retired in 2003, but came back for one more bout in 2007, a kayo victory over some dude named Gottlieb Shileka, bringing his record to 43-5 (32 knockouts).
2. The best part of the Bergman article? This quote from his fiancée: “When I asked him about the two women, he claimed that they were his sisters. But I know all his sisters.”
Hilarious.
3. Boxers Behaving Badly, part two: Retired heavyweight measuring-stick Julius Francis appeared in court last month after a December incident in which he allegedly crashed his car into another vehicle, injuring its driver, according to British newspaper The Croydon Advertiser.
Francis, 44, is charged with driving without a license, driving without insurance, criminal damage and common assault. The latter two charges come from the collision with the other vehicle, which allegedly shattered the driver’s side-mirror and sent glass flying into the driver’s face.
His case has been adjourned until a date as-yet-undetermined.
Francis held a pair of British heavyweight titles about a decade ago. The rest of his ledger is a list of many of those who have come and gone through boxing’s marquee division over the years: losses to Audley Harrison, Vitali Klitschko, Oleg Maskaev, John Ruiz, Axel Schulz, Mike Tyson and Danny Williams, just to name some.
Francis last fought in May 2006, a four-round points loss against some dude named Scott Lansdowne. That defeat would cap off a three-year, 14-fight losing streak. His final record: 23-24-1 (12 knockouts).
4. Boxers Behaving Badly, part three: Gary Stretch, a former 154-pound contender who hung up the gloves and became an actor, was arrested last month after allegedly hitting a taxi driver, according to British tabloid The Daily Mirror.
The 43-year-old spent much of his boxing career at junior middleweight, though he stepped up one division in 1991 to challenge middleweight titlist Chris Eubank. That defeat, a sixth-round stoppage loss, would have been Stretch’s last appearance in the ring had he not come back two years later to take a points victory over some dude named Steve Goodwin.
Since then, Stretch has gone from the ring to the screen, taking roles in movies such as “Alexander” and “World Trade Center.”
Stretch is free on bail.
5. Boxing Trainers Behaving Badly: A former Olympic boxing coach who helped guide Lennox Lewis to a gold medal has been charged with sexually assaulting a woman who trained at his gym, according to the Toronto Star.
Adrian Teodorescu, 65, had allegedly assaulted the 21-year-old periodically since Feb. 1. He is facing 13 charges, according to the newspaper: “eight counts of sexual assault, two counts of forcible confinement, threatening death, assault and criminal harassment.”
Teodorescu is free on $100,000 bail, ordered, among other conditions, not to make contact with any female boxers. He will still be allowed in his family-run gym, however, as long as his wife or son is nearby.
6. Boxing Trainers Behaving Badly update: Craig Christian, who has worked with featherweight titlist Chris John and former 130-pound beltholder Gairy St. Clair, is under investigation in Australia on possible charges of money laundering, according to reports from Down Under.
Christian, 44, was arrested in August on weapons and drug charges after airport security staff in Perth allegedly found in Christian’s luggage “a semi-automatic pistol and a magazine loaded with seven rounds of ammunition, a shoulder holster, methamphetamine in a toiletries bag and a big quantity of cash,” according to The Sunday Times.
That cash, says The West Australian, was $182,000 of undeclared money “in a big plastic bag hidden in a towel, concealed in Christmas presents and in … Christian’s hand luggage,” all about to be brought to Indonesia. People traveling to and from Australia must declare amounts of more than $10,000.
7. Boxing Promoters Behaving Badly: Carlo and Mario Rea, twin brothers who run Gilroy Promotions, were arrested last month as part of a Scottish money laundering investigation, according to tabloid newspaper The Sunday Mail.
The Reas, 30, are the grandsons of the late Bert Gilroy, a former Scottish middleweight titlist.
They were two of six men arrested and charged with money laundering and violations of the Misuse of Drugs Act. The article didn’t provide any information concerning the drug charges.
8. Boxers Behaving Badly update, part one: A heavyweight charged with murder for his alleged role in the killing of a Philadelphia police officer could end up using his boxing career as part of his defense, according to The Philadelphia Inquirer.
Levon Warner, 40 (listed as 39 on BoxRec.com), was arrested in May following the shooting death of Sgt. Stephen Liczbinski. Two other people were allegedly involved; one is on trial with Warner. The other was shot to death by police.
Warner’s attorney claims his client had “diminished capacity” due to brain damage suffered in the ring, brain damage he claims could have made Warner easier to influence toward criminal acts.
Warner turned pro in 1993, winning twice, losing three times and fighting to two draws before leaving the sport for nearly 11 years. He returned to the ring in 2006, winning four in a row before dropping his last two. His last appearance was in September 2007, a first-round knockout loss to Joey Abell.
9. Boxers Behaving Badly update, part two: What better way to start 2009 than with Scott Harrison being released from behind bars?
The man who between his arrests and court hearings appeared in this space more than a dozen times last year is free after four months of incarceration.
The 31-year-old had been serving multiple sentences, punishment for various crimes, including a May attack on his girlfriend and a police officer, and an August incident of drunk driving.
Harrison lost his license to box after an eventful 2006 that included multiple legal problems and reported struggles with alcohol and depression. He was suspended after failing to get his weight below 133 pounds for a title defense late that year against Nicky Cook.
Harrison last appeared in the ring in November 2005, when he outpointed Nedal Hussein. He has a record of 25 wins (14 by way of knockout), two defeats and two draws.
10. Oh, to see that man’s New Year’s resolutions…
David P. Greisman is a member of the Boxing Writers Association of America. His weekly column, “Fighting Words,” appears every Monday on BoxingScene.com. He may be reached for questions and comments at fightingwords1@gmail.com
