What does it mean, when someone worries about you alot but

[AlexKid]

dumps their worries on you all the time.

You then tell them that it causes you more stress than the things shes worried about and that its horrible being dumped on all the time.

Yet she hears and understand s this and keeps doing the same thing regardless.

(my mum)

Is that love?

It feels like a really SHALLOW form of love, because she doesn't care how I am affected or what I want, and she knows it stresses me out and she keeps doing it.


Why the hell would someone do that? She is depressed, and the anxiety was passed down to her.


But how can you be concerned and not concerned about someone at the same time?



She keeps showing thsi shallow x2 sided love where she cares and doesn't care at the same time, its like selfish love, its like the selfish gene really shines through on my mums love.


It would be better if no one cared at all, really ive tried it, cutting her out was alot less stress and I was happier

[AlexKid]

I think maybe she thinks she knows best, and is never wrong, and what I think is wrong and not important.

Problem is im not cold or hungry etc I am void of a personal relationship with my own mother which hurts my soul - she would hear and understand that and then keep spouting worry after worry till I get fcuked off then feel like hell for abusing my mum which I love

It never ends, I dont think it will till she dies, I dont know how to change it for the better?

[LADIV]

dumps their worries on you all the time.

You then tell them that it causes you more stress than the things shes worried about and that its horrible being dumped on all the time.

Yet she hears and understand s this and keeps doing the same thing regardless.

(my mum)

Is that love?

It feels like a really SHALLOW form of love, because she doesn't care how I am affected or what I want, and she knows it stresses me out and she keeps doing it.


Why the hell would someone do that? She is depressed, and the anxiety was passed down to her.


But how can you be concerned and not concerned about someone at the same time?



She keeps showing thsi shallow x2 sided love where she cares and doesn't care at the same time, its like selfish love, its like the selfish gene really shines through on my mums love.


It would be better if no one cared at all, really ive tried it, cutting her out was alot less stress and I was happier

read your comment but i only read (mum) where is your father and siblings..here lays your problem..love your momma unconditionaly regardless of how much she dumps on you..

[AlexKid]

read your comment but i only read (mum) where is your father and siblings..here lays your problem..love your momma unconditionaly regardless of how much she dumps on you..

I do, but it doesn't stop me being stressed or angry neither does it allow me to have a relationship with my mum that isnt about placating her 1 million worries

I think shes ill and cant get well for life so we are doomed to never get along, I dont know how to fix it. The Drs cant fix her I cant either although I will try.

[AlexKid]

Ive told her she appears to understand she appears to have hit a wall at you are hurting me by dumping on me, shes trying to get around that wall, but shes struggling I might have finally got through to her

Every time she gives me a worry which is all the time I explain very clearly how its hurting me, and she cant knowingly keep hurting me

It basically stops her crap behavior of dumping on me with the wall of never wanting to hurt me knowingly

Maybe time will tell but being very clear with the dynamic of whats going on seems to help, thorough communication of the dynamic of whats going on


She thinks thats "who she is" and thats how to relate, so consistency with identity is gonna be a hard one to break, however if she believes she cares and she does she CANT keep knowingly hurting me

The great part is her mum did it to her and I just keep referring to that and she felt like crap when her mum did it to her

[AlexKid]

She ironically made excuses to put the phone down on me when she started hearing this , its consistency with identity thats stopping her from changing, the phone put down was an ego defense an unconscious thing, her very identity was threatened.

[LADIV]

Worry is not concern, which motivates you to do everything possible in a situation.
Worry is a useless mulling over the things we cannot change, if you worry you agonize over the past which you should have forgotten long ago.or you are apprehensive over the future which hasn't even come yet.we tend to skim right over the present since this is the only moment that one can live.
If you don't live it, you never really get around to living at all.
If you live this present moment, you tend not to worry

[AlexKid]

1) remind her of her mum and how she used to feel bad after seeing her fpor the same reason

2) remind her that shes hurting me instead of getting angry or placating her worry

3) remind her that shes hurting my brother that is doing fine in life and doesn't need worry

4) explain the dynamic clearly of how what she worries about doesn't hurt me anywhere as near as much as her telling me her worries

[AlexKid]

The inconsistency/empathy of her caring but then hurting me will totally shut her down IF I remind her everytime

I think her personality/ nurture totally fcuks an otherwise lovely biology, a caring human by nature ruined by a crap personality trait or habit of worrying and dumping worries, picked up from her parent

If her biology was not loving she wouldnt care enough to be concerned about my welfare

Her nurture is destructive to herself and others, worrying creates stress for her, telling others her worries manipulating them etc gives stress to others

Worrying I wonder how that starts? I wonder how the bad nurture started?

[AlexKid]

They dont know what causes someone to becaome a worrier looks more likely to be a life experience ie a big stress event rather than it being something genetic but no one knows others say its genetic helps us prepare for potential dangers/a real danger

Im gonna guess its both, some people are predisposed to more fear from birth. Genetic traits.

Also a big stressful life event may turn the dial up on fear for your psychology to help prepare you for a potentially dangerous life (for the rest of it if you make it past that event) which also gets passed on to your children to help prepare them

We are all jungle monkeys