Post the most offensive/sickest jokes you know

[Sane Man]

Got this idea from another forum.

Title is self-explanatory.

None of these jokes are mine so don't shoot the messenger. I will give credit if the jokes come from a well known comedian etc.

Some jokes aren't that funny, but still fit the bill of being offensive.

Exit the thread if you're easily offended and take this with ya

Let's start pushing the boundaries of taste!



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They say there's safety in numbers.

Oh yeah? Try telling that to six million Jews.

- Jimmy Carr

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I was working on an abortion joke, but it never fully developed

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Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.

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What is the hardest part about watching an orphanage burn?

My ****.

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So I was balls deep in this girl once; she looked back at me and said "This is excruciating." I was like; "Excruciating?! That's a big word for a 12-year old!"

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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS

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A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her father in the shower. Being young and quite naïve she points to her fathers penis and asks when she will get 'one of those'

Her father looks at his watch. "When your mother leaves for work"

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Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fish. Hitler made six million Jews toast.

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[rorymac]

My girlfriend's always complaining about being a chocolate addict. Every time I get out some chocolates, she's like "keep me away from those, I'm addicted to them!" It's really annoying, so one day I drove her to a rough part of town and pointed out a crack addict. I said,

"You see that honey, why can't you be that skinny?"

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My friend kept getting done for drunk driving, and he had to spend a year in prison. No his only concern was getting raped, so he didn't take a shower for the whole year, because he was so busy getting raped.

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My girlfriend hates that I tell rape jokes, absolutely hates it. She says "Rory, how can you make light of something as terrible as rape, after I told you that I was raped in high school?"

I say "Because... I DON'T... BELIEVE YOU"

[Pretty Boy1]

Why is there no black character in the game "Cluedo" (Clue to Americans)

Because then it would be called "Solved"

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You know you're girlfriend is too young when you have to make an airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.

- Jimmy Carr

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So 2 East Indian Sikh brothers come to America, and before seperating to start their new lives they make a bet to see who can become the most Americanized after a year. So they meet after a year, and one brother says "I just dropped my kids off to baseball practice and we're having McDonald's for dinner." The other brother says "Fuck you towelhead!"

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What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your cock up a girls ass.

-Jimmy Carr

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Why do jews watch porn backwards?

So they can come when the guy hands the money to the prostitute.

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Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one that had a dream got shot.

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Can we stop making fun of black people please. There are Blacks in my family tree....and they're still hanging there.

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What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?

Michael Phelps can finish a race.

[DoktorSleepless]

Jimmy Carr has a thousand of them.

-I've written a romantic comedy. It's about a guy and a girl. Classic. Initially they hate each other. Classic. But they end up in bed together. Classic. It's called "The Rapist"

-The thing that used to annoy me about church when I was growing up was all the standing up, the sitting down, and all the kneeling. I wish you could just pick a position and fuck me.

-I bought some viagra today, and I was reading the instructions. It said "Keep away from children." And I thought, "What type of man do they think I am... that can't maintain an erection with a child?

-How do you make a gay man fuck a woman? Shit on her ****.

-I believe every child should be given a chance. And that's why if they can guess the number I'm thinking of, I'll let them go.