[LMAO!] Random Funny Review on Amazon

[Daylyt]

I was searching for random **** to buy and came across this

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008JFEJD2/..._.uapub0K9NB4C

read the first review

[Xyei]

It's actually the second review on that page but

On a Friday night like any other, I was walking home from a friend's house. It was getting late so I decided to take a short cut through a little timber on the edge of town. While walking through a little path that a few of my friends and I had made I heard a howling noise in the distance. As I looked up I noticed the clouds began to clear away to reveal a perfect circle in the night sky, a full moon. The howling was easily explained from the full moon in the sky and I knew the sound had to be the legendary werewolf and he was nearby. He had been haunting our county for decades. Most said it was just a myth spread by school children. After all, no one alive had ever seen a werewolf, until tonight...

I made a mad dash for my home through the brush and I could hear something in the distance behind me. I knew it had to be the wolf. I saw my home, the front porch light was on, I saw my dad in the living room window. I was so close! I was going to make it home alive! As I cleared the timber at the edge of my yard, my leg became tangled in some vines. The same vines that my mother thought made great decoration and refused to let my father clear out of the yard. These very vines would haunt my mother for the rest of her life because of tonight.

As I tried, to no avail, to free myself from these vines that clung to me like the clutches of Satan himself reaching up from the underworld to pull me to my doom, I heard the breaking of branches and heard the rapid breathing of a beast the likes of which I had never heard before.

The beast slowed as he drew near me. His eyes were as red as hot coals and I could see the saliva begin to drip from his lower lip as if he could already taste the meal that was helplessly laid out before him. I don't know if it's possible, but he seemed to smile as he slowly closed the distance between he and myself, as if to inflict a last sense of extreme terror from me by taking his time. It became apparent that he wanted to torture his meal before allowing me to die.

I knew there was nothing that I could do to fend off a beast of this size with his enormous stature and strength. I scrambled through my pockets to get my pocket knife, hoping that I could land a fatal strike on the beast, or at the very least, frighten him away enough to make it the last 50 yards to my home. With my hand in my pocket looking for my trusty weapon, I screamed. Hoping to startle the beast and alert my father whom I could still see in his rocking chair in the living room. It was no use, my screams were weak from my run through the woods and the panic I was going through. My knife? Where was my knife? I searched my pockets as frantically as person could, knowing that my life hung on my finding it. I felt the ground beside me move as the beast had finally gotten to me. His legs were now touching the same vines that held me prisoner. To make things even more desperate, I saw the moon light reflect off of an object behind the wolf, it was my knife, it had fallen out of my pocket as I first fell.

I was powerless now and completely at the werewolf's mercy. I could see mud fall from his claws as he raised his huge paw in the air to strike me. This would be my final moment, I knew it. With my hand still in my pocket I grasped something cold, something solid. What was this? Could it be exactly what I needed?

Yes! In my hand now was my '1 Troy Ounce .999 Silver Clad Ingot' that I purchased from Amazon and had just arrived in the mail this afternoon (with excellent speed and was well packaged.) I knew that the werewolf's only weakness was in my hand right now! Silver! Pure silver would kill this beast! I had to act quickly. As the wolf, bore down on me with his claws, I pulled the beast down onto me. I took the silver ingot from my pocket and rammed it deep into the beast's mouth. I caught my hand on his sharp, jagged teeth but I managed to land the silver ingot right into the beast's airway. The wolf recoiled and began to grasp at its throat. Gasping for air, the beast finally collapsed to the ground. I managed to free myself from the vines that held me prisoner during the struggle for my life and limped up the hill toward my house.

I had made it home. I told my father everything and he called the neighborhood men together that night for a search party to find the beast. Several men armed with pitch forks and torches scoured woods that night but found nothing. I could see the look of doubt on the faces of the men and even my father as the search for the beast yielded nothing. I showed them the scratches on my hand from the teeth of the creature that attacked me. They laughed, told me that I cut my hand on the thorns from the vine when I tripped and must have hit my head also to dream up a story like this. I could see that I had just been labeled the proverbial, 'Boy who cried wolf.'

I went to school the following Monday and I heard the snickers and comments from the other students and even some of the teachers. It became apparent that the whole town had heard and no one believed me. I spent all day fuming at the laughter that I was subjected to and I went home completely defeated. My friends and family had not believed me. The whole town thought that I was as a fool. I wanted revenge, but I'm just a young man, not very big and the opposite of intimidating in stature. No one would look at me and suspect that I could be capable of violence, I'm just not physically strong enough, or so I thought...

'But what did happened to the werewolf?', I wondered. Did the silver kill him or only weaken him enough that he could still get away? The answer came when I got home from school that afternoon. When I got home my mother said that a package arrived for me. I took the small package up to my bedroom and stared at it for a bit. There was no return address and I wasn't expecting anything. I carefully opened the small package and, to my amazement, inside was my pocket knife, the '1 Troy Ounce .999 Silver Clad Ingot.' and a simple note. The letter was from my attacker that night. He expressed no sympathy for the attack but felt obligated to tell me that 'clad' didn't mean that the entire ingot was silver, just the coating was silver. The bulk of the ingot was just non precious metal that was virtually worthless. Once the initial silver hit his system it returned him back to human form long enough for him to cough up the ingot and gather up my knife. Being in human form he was able to evade the search party that night and stay alive. He thanked me for buying inferior metal so that he may continue to live... and to hunt again.

The note ended ominously, he welcomed me to my 'new fraternity.' I didn't know what he meant by this but just a few weeks later I was to find out. The moon became full and my hunger for human flesh grew. The bite on my hand... I was now one them, I was the great creature of the night now. And, as a werewolf, I would have my revenge every 4 weeks on those who ridiculed me. I wore the ingot around my neck all of the time to cast suspicion away from me, after all, 'Silver' would kill a werewolf. I'm now free to hunt and kill with no suspicion cast on me at all.

Thanks to the misrepresentation of this product, I am now a werwolf that feasts on human flesh for eternity. I thought I was buying one full ounce of real, pure silver. I was deceived. I wanted to write this review (under an alias obviously) as a warning to others that may be buying this to ward off werewolves, it won't work, there's virtually no silver in this at all. However, it looks real and will allow real werewolves to get away with murder. That's why I gave this product 5 stars. Now, if you'll pardon me, I must feed again!

Buyer Be'Ware-wolf!'Haahaha

[squealpiggy]

I was searching for random **** to buy and came across this

http://<a href="http://www.amazon.co...pub0K9NB4C</a>

read the first review

Why were you shopping for rubber fist-shaped dildoes?

[Unknown Champ]

Lol awesome. Green k

[New England]

Why were you shopping for rubber fist-shaped dildoes?

"Basix fist of fury."

[paulf]

That was cool, but the GOAT Amazon.com review remains this review of the book "The Secret."

The Secret saved my life!, December 4, 2007
By Ari Brouillette

Please allow me to share with you how 'The Secret' changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of “The Secret” is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don’t want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.

At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life.

My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes.

Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I’ve never been ****phobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of 'The Secret'. Normally I wouldn’t have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn’t have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read.

The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the 'Law of Attraction' in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn’t exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 'The Secret to Relationships' that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.

The next day in the exercise yard I carried 'The Secret' with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I’m not sure that everybody’s life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I’m very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.

[Ryn0]

Did no one pickup on the veet hair removal cream reviews a while ago?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hai.../dp/B000KKNQBK

[Mike D]

funniest review I've read so far is this one

I had a little extra money, so I said to myself "Self, what is the best way to spend $38,500?" Sure, I could invest it in the stock market, and in 20 years, probably have about $123,000, but I wanted to do something now. I considered giving the money to the world food program. With that, they could feed 25,663 school age children, or 22,000 refugees for a week. But at the end of the week, the money is gone with nothing to show for it. I thought, well what about helping fewer people? The same amount of money could feed 494 school-aged children for a year. But at the end of the year, the kids are hungry again, and I'll have nothing to show for it. What about education? In some countries, it costs only about $500 per year to send a child to school. $38,500 could send 77 kids to school for a year. Education lasts a lifetime, but really -- how long do kids in third world countries live anyway? I really wanted something that would leave a lasting impression. That is when I stumbled across this little gem. The Yachtmaster II has a practically unbreakable sapphire crystal. The case is built like a gilded tank. It is waterproof, crush proof, and if properly cared for, should last forever. Much like the golden idols found in Egypt after thousands of years, this golden idol will signal to future generations that I had a bunch of money once, and I knew what to do with it.

It's a "review" on a $38K Rolex. I lol'd.

http://www.amazon.com/Mens-Rolex-Yac...keywords=rolex

It's the very first review

[Daylyt]

funniest review I've read so far is this one



It's a "review" on a $38K Rolex. I lol'd.

http://www.amazon.com/Mens-Rolex-Yac...keywords=rolex

It's the very first review

$38,500 could send 77 kids to school for a year. Education lasts a lifetime, but really -- how long do kids in third world countries live anyway?

LMFAO to funny

[Pretty Boy1]

Did no one pickup on the veet hair removal cream reviews a while ago?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hai.../dp/B000KKNQBK

After having been told my danglies (American: "dingle-berries") looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Stuggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-