A girl situation, can someone offer some advice? I can't think objectively anymore!

[davidoff]

If you could read this and give your opinion, i'll be most grateful. And i'll rep you!


Ok, so very briefly, there's this girl that's at my uni and on the same course as me. In our second year, we started going places together and became closer. I developed feelings for her.

So I told her how I felt. And she said she felt the same. But there's a religion difference between us, which makes it difficult. She said that to me, and I said I understand, and whatever she's comfortable with i'll respect. We never talked about 'us' anymore after that.

But we still went out together, and the contact we were having, we were both eager to see each other, go somewhere, etc. So it wasn't official or anything, but the things that were said and the places we were going to, and how we wanted to see each other, etc. we both knew how we continued to feel for each other.

Now here's where my head's gone and I need some objective analysis.

She went back to her home place for the summer holidays, but we were contacting each other a lot. Then about 5-6 weeks ago, i hadn't heard from her for a few days, so i asked her if she was ok, and she said she'd been so busy with family things etc.

I felt bad, like I was treading on her toes. We were in contact again a couple more times after that, but it wasn't as frequent. I thought i'll just e-mail her, so it doesn't get in her way, she can reply when she has the time. But she never did. The e-mail wasn't bad or anything, I only asked her some questions, talked about what i'd been up to.

I never contacted her again after that, obviously feeling down/slightly annoyed/confused, i kind of assumed maybe she's not interested anymore.

Then today we started uni again, she sees me but doesn't approach me. I approach her, ask if she's ok, ask if I said something to annoy her, etc.

She said she lost her phone and hasn't had my number. I didn't believe it as she could have just replied to my e-mail, right? or sent me an e-mail asking for my number?

I didn't say that to her as I didn't want anything to be awkward. But we chatted to each other for a while.

Then after our lecture, she waited up for me, so she could talk to me. It was like how things were the last time we were together, laughing, chatting etc. No awkwardness. Which has now got me so confused.

Why did she blank me all those weeks, then wait up for me so she could talk to me? I assumed she was going to go straight out, speak to her friends, or whatever. Not wait for me.

I'm thinking maybe she just didn't get my e-mail or hasn't checked. But am i thinking that because i want it to be true? Because of my feelings for her.

And i'm thinking, if she didn't get my e-mail, she might not have approached me because she was pissed with me for not contacting her, (which obviously meant she couldn't get my number). Maybe she felt blanked by me????

This is long and slightly complicated I know, but if someone can offer their take on this i'd be grateful.

I'm thinking of texting her tonight to ask her what the situation is between us, just so i know and not have to keep thinking this through in my head. Im pretty nervous about it, might have to put on my Marquez shirt and go for my run so im pumped. But should i text her, or is it obvious how it is but i can't see it objectively anymore?

Is she not interested anymore? Would I be bothering her further by asking?

[squealpiggy]

Religion got in the way? Oh dear.

[peewee1460]

well, you're in the friend zone. you had your shot but you've been sidelined now. it sucks but it's time for you to find yourself a new prospect.

[Mister_Spooky]

Ehhh...

Firstly I'd say move on, she isn't sexually interested (probably because you showed too much interest too quickly), although she likes you as a friend. Only you can decide if your ok with that and want to keep her in your life, personally since I reckon you're quite emotionally attached and it'll give you further problems if you try to maintain a friendship, so i'd reccomend cutting off contact. But that's up to you.

Secondly, I do NOT understand why you would discuss "you and her" or a "forthcoming relationship" with a chick you haven't banged, and I reccomend you refrain from ever doing it again.

Let things happen, if you and a chick are both sexually attracted (you'll know, unless you have no perception, in which case, she comes over and talks to you, touches her hair,etc), nothing needs to be said. You just need to ask her to go out somewhere some night, tease her a little, have some deep conversations (but don't be all needy like a shy guy), and physically escalate, then you kiss, then you'll have sex pretty soon after.

If you sit and ask her if she's ok with everything, you just look like a pansy who doesn't know how to deal with chicks. I'm not saying it's a big problem you're like this NOW, but you need to improve, and you need confidence. Good luck dude.

[alza1988]

Sounds cool mate still.Just text her mate get some bollox she should be cool.If she aint just take it on the chin.Just sounds like your a bit nervous mate.Try to unwind a we bit and chill.
http://www.menshealth.co.uk/chatroom/forum/246

[davidoff]

Religion got in the way? Oh dear.

It hasn't made it any easier.

[THE REED]

First... I would hold off on the "ask her about us" conversation... keep it simple.

Second... just ask if she ever got your email.. that could clear a lot of things up. You could always use the "I thought you might of changed it" as a reason for asking.

[MOTHER DUCKER]

Either she's not interested (for whatever reason) or seeing someone is what i gathered from the post

[Sparked_1985]

I remember being a similar situation with a girl at University in my first year - without the religion. She was fit, flirty, and fun.

Literally, was after her from Fresher's week to February, thankfully she did give me a mercy shag in the end. But then we kind of went our seperate ways, with me pretty much thinking she was awesome and her not all that interested.

Until one day I met my girlfriend, completely pissed and inconprehensible but 100% sure I had just met the woman for me. I live with that girl now and we've been together for 3 years. She saw something in me even when I was ****faced and asking her if she would 'please give me a bunk up over this wall.'

I realised I didn't actually really like this other girl it was the thrill of the chase and the way she knew how to play the game. But essentially, long story short, she was just ****-blocking me.

Mate. Don't get ****-blocked, it's ****e.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry my girlfriend. But a part of me resents the girl who essentially stopped me from adding more notches to my bedpost.

I know this is not deep advice, but don't overthink everything.

[THE REED]

You dont wanna come across as needy... how many times has she asked you "whats the deal with us?"... and how many times have you asked her?

If she doesnt ever ask what the deal is between you two... she just generally goes with the flow... you should do the same.. Dont be the one who tries to pressure or ask too many questions... you should "act" as interested as she "acts".