The OFFICIAL "WEIRD/FUNNY NEWS" THREAD!

[ßringer]

We all read quite a bit of news on a daily basis, a lot of which ends up being posted and discussed/debated here at length. But what about all of the lesser reported (and often strange and/or hilarious) stories that don't spawn threads here?

That's what this thread is for. Gentlemen, I give you...The OFFICIAL "weird news" thread!

As always, I'll kick things off...

Ugandan police officer shoots and kills "aggressive" tortoise.

"A police officer in Uganda has reportedly shot a tortoise dead after being attacked by the "aggressive" creature.

The incident happened in the Nebbi district in the north of the country near the Congolese border. The officer - named as Charles Onegiu by the New Vision newspaper - said the animal entered his home and attacked him while he was enjoying a post-work cup of tea. "I tried to scare it but the tortoise became very aggressive. I took a stick to chase it but it instead became more violent," he told the paper. After attempting to fend off the tortoise with a plastic chair, he said he "instinctively" drew his firearm and shot it dead. A local Christian group later prayed for Onegiu, "before burning the dead reptile to ashes."

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-news-f...where-28197950

Wow...what a sissified d*ckbag.

[ßringer]

California man celebrates 4th of July by blowing both of his hands off

(I swear, this thread is going to read like a collection of stories from 'The Onion.')

"July 05--A man in his 40s apparently lost both his hands Friday when a firework he was holding prematurely exploded, San Jose Police reported. And in Sunnyvale, a mortar-type firework blew off the fingers of two men, officials said.

Police did not identify any of the men, who were transported to local hospitals.

San Jose Police Officer Albert Morales said that police were summoned at 9:44 p.m. to the 1300 block of Leeward Drive, near Cassel Park and the intersection of Story Road and Capitol Expressway in East San Jose. A man igniting illegal fireworks, as family members stood nearby, was injured when the device exploded, Morales said. The blast blew off both the victim's hands, Morales said.

He is expected to survive.

The type of device was not identified. "It would have had to have been something pretty powerful," Morales said."

http://www.firehouse.com/news/115516...s-lose-fingers

[ßringer]

Headbanging caused brain bleed in 'Motorhead' fan

" It may not destroy your soul, but it turns out heavy metal music can be hazardous to your brain. At least in some rare cases.

German doctors say they have treated a Motorhead fan whose headbanging habit ultimately led to a brain injury, but that the risk to metal fans in general is so small they don't need to give up the shaking.

Last January, doctors at Hannover Medical School saw a 50-year-old man who complained of constant, worsening headaches. The patient, who was not identified, had no history of head injuries or substance abuse problems but said he had been headbanging regularly for years -- most recently at a Motorhead concert he attended with his son.

After a scan, doctors discovered their patient had a brain bleed and needed a hole drilled into his brain to drain the blood. The patient's headaches soon disappeared. In a follow-up scan, the doctors saw he had a benign cyst which might have made the metal aficionado more vulnerable to a brain injury.

"We are not against headbanging," said Dr. Ariyan Pirayesh Islamian, one of the doctors who treated the man. "The risk of injury is very, very low. But I think if (our patient) had (gone) to a classical concert, this would not have happened."

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/headbang...motorhead-fan/

[ßringer]

Ukrainian astronomers name star "Putin is a d*ckhead."

"As tensions rise in Ukraine in their battle against pro-Russian separatists, a group of Ukrainian astronomers have come up with a way to deliver a cosmic burn: by naming a star "Putin-Huilo!" after Russian President Vladimir Putin. "Huilo" (or as it is sometime seen, "khuilo") is a useful Ukrainian word that roughly translates to "****er," "*******," or "dickhead" in English.

According to The Wire, the star was adopted through the Pale Blue Dot Project, which allows anyone to adopt a star (and name it) for $10. "Khuilo" has taken on a life of its own as a meme/insult of choice to use in reference to Vladimir Putin:

In June of this year, an Urban Dictionary entry formally defined khuilo: "Khuilo is the president of Russia Vladimir Putin." So, now a word which originally was slang for penis is synonymous with "terrible dictator." Ukrainian rock bands started using it in their music, and even politicians picked it up. Ukrainian parliament member Oleh Lyashko was caught singing it, as was the minister of foreign affairs Andrii Deshchytsia."

http://gawker.com/ukraine-name-a-sta...ead-1600039424

[Barn]

Leading scientist ejected by audience after 'trying to crowd surf' at classical music concert

A leading scientist was ejected by fellow audience members during a performance of Handels Messiah after he took the directors invitation to clap and whoop to the music a step too far by attempting to crowd-surf.

SHARE
Tom Morris, artistic director of the Bristol Old Vic, encouraged the audience to respond with enthusiasm to the music but accepted that Dr David Glowacki had got very over-excited

The show was a forerunner to the Bristol Proms, launched by Mr Morris as a more accessible and informalalternative to the traditional classical concerts, which will start next month.

Before the performance, Mr Morris invited the audience to bring their drinks into the standing area in front of the stage and instructed them: "Clap or whoop when you like, and no shushing other people."

But Dr Glowacki, a Royal Society Research Fellow, was so overcome during the Hallelujah Chorus; he began lurching from side to side with his hands raised and whooping before attempting to crowd-surf, witnesses claimed.

Irritated by the distraction, audience members proceeded to physically eject the Bristol University academic from the area, in what Mr Morris claims is the first such incident at a classical concert since the 18th century.

Some ticket holders are now urging Mr Morris to set clearer guidelines for acceptable behaviour but the director is unwilling to re-impose the strict rules of etiquette which he has sought to cast off.

However, he has agreed crowd-surfing during classical concerts will not be tolerated.

'He got very over-excited' Mr Morris, who directed War Horse at the National Theatre, told The Independent.


But by allowing an audience to respond in whatever way they want, you also allow an audience to self-regulate, as we discovered.

He added: David was investigating what the nature of the rules are using the skills that make him an extraordinary scientist and for some in the audience, a slightly irritating one.

Dr Glowacki defended his actions and accused both Morris and his fellow audience members of hypocrisy in only approving of the right sort of free behaviour.

Classical music, trying to seem cool and less stuffy, reeks of some sort of fossilised art form undergoing a midlife crisis, the expert in non-equilibrium molecular reaction dynamics, who is a visiting scientist at Stanford University, said.

Witness what happened to me when I started cheering with a 30-strong chorus shouting praise God***8217; two metres from my face: I get physically assaulted, knocked down to the floor and forcibly dragged out by two classical vigilantes.

;Neither the bourgeoisie audience nor their curators (eg Tom Morris) really believe what they say.

You;re free to behave as you like, and it's comforting to think that you have that freedom, but it's only available to you so long as you behave correctly;

He denied being drunk, adding: This may be a consequence of me being American, but I can quite easily be provocative without the need to be inebriated.

http://www.independent.ie/world-news...-30371249.html

[ßringer]

Nazi Germany's "perfect aryan child" was actually Jewish

" When Hessy Taft was six months old, she was a poster child for the Nazis. Her photograph was chosen as the image of the ideal Aryan baby, and distributed in party propaganda. But what the Nazis didn't know was that their perfect baby was really Jewish.

"I can laugh about it now" ; the 80-year-old Professor Taft told Germany's Bild newspaper in an interview. "But if the Nazis had known who I really was, I wouldn't be alive."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...as-Jewish.html

[Tha_Greatest]

this is some funny ass sh11t, bernard poses nude

http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/07/bernard-hopkins-espn-body-issue



“It’s an honor to be there because I’m representing boxing and representing myself,” Hopkins told For The Win. “I’m 49 and a half years old and 50 is great number for people to understand the transition and turning 50. It’s a milestone and to me is halftime of a lifetime. You’re in the halftime. It’s really a testimony to what I’ve been preaching or speaking about for the majority of my career. I’ve been asked to display an art, my body, my temple, to the world. Hopefully it motivates someone to say ‘He’s 49 and a half looking like that, I’m going to do something different in my lifestyle.’”

[MrTambourineMan]

[UTEP]

[MrTambourineMan]

[IMG]http://ist2-2.filesor.com/***********.com/1/_/_/_/1/2/i/A/j/2iAj7/never%2Bforget_d6861f_4617026.png[/IMG]