[REAL TALK] The three worst wanks I've ever had...

[!! Anorak]

In reverse order:


3. Checking a text message on my phone as I was having an empty of the pipes in the morning. Just as I'm at the point of no return, I see that the message is from my mum (mom, Fat Yanks) and instantly get a mental image of her in my head... but can't stop myself from cumming.

2. Having one over a VERY pretty Indian girl I used to work with. She was lovely. Just as I'm about to cum, I remember a friend telling me that he'd heard she'd got sick and died. As I'm nearing the point of no return, I decide to carry on anyway.

1. Waking up and emptying the pipes. I lie there, musing on the nature of the universe. As I lie there, I chew at my thumb nail, thinking of life, destiny, etc. Then I wonder why I have a salty taste in my mouth...

[Quiksilva]

Second one was lol but also sad.

[B.UTLER]

You should also try wanking in front of a mirror.. nothing beats lusting on your own body

[Pretty Boy32]

Shot poster.

[B.UTLER]

Shot poster.

Annie is a legend, you can't call a legend shot.

[WarVeteranO01]

In reverse order:


3. Checking a text message on my phone as I was having an empty of the pipes in the morning. Just as I'm at the point of no return, I see that the message is from my mum (mom, Fat Yanks) and instantly get a mental image of her in my head... but can't stop myself from cumming.

2. Having one over a VERY pretty Indian girl I used to work with. She was lovely. Just as I'm about to cum, I remember a friend telling me that he'd heard she'd got sick and died. As I'm nearing the point of no return, I decide to carry on anyway.

1. Waking up and emptying the pipes. I lie there, musing on the nature of the universe. As I lie there, I chew at my thumb nail, thinking of life, destiny, etc. Then I wonder why I have a salty taste in my mouth...

The worst wank I ever had started off extremely well mate. I was in Iraq and a British Royal Marine let me barrow his Laptop for a good wank mate. Anyway, I was going at it to a Brit girl doing a solo scene. She was maybe 19 years old, brunette with colored eyes, she looked much like Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge fresh out of High school. Anyways mate, as I was about to climax, so was she, and as I edged myself closer, so did she (it was crazy how we were incognito) but then the craziest thing happened mate, the bloody b1tch fooken smiled, her teeth were yellow as butter mate.

Anhyways mate, I was about to blow my load, but ended up going to bed with blue balls. And thats all I got to say about that old chap. Pip Pip cherrio!!!

[!! Anorak]

Shot poster.

I know you are, mate. If you need any tips on how to get better, let me know.

The worst wank I ever had started off extremely well mate. I was in Iraq and a British Royal Marine let me barrow his Laptop for a good wank mate. Anyway, I was going at it to a Brit girl doing a solo scene. She was maybe 19 years old, brunette with colored eyes, she looked much like Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge fresh out of High school. Anyways mate, as I was about to climax, so was she, and as I edged myself closer, so did she (it was crazy how we were incognito) but then the craziest thing happened mate, the bloody b1tch fooken smiled, her teeth were yellow as butter mate.

Anhyways mate, I was about to blow my load, but ended up going to bed with blue balls. And thats all I got to say about that old chap. Pip Pip cherrio!!!

I rarely laugh at "bad teeth" gags, because they're usually so unimaginative and witless, but that cracked me up. Well done mate.