My best friend is about to fall in love with a sea monster!!!

[Rip Chudd]

Stop hating on your boy, let him ruin his life if he wants, you tried to warn him. You're getting all pushy like us christians you hate so much.

[ßringer]

Stop hating on your boy, let him ruin his life if he wants, you tried to warn him. You're getting all pushy like us christians you hate so much.

I don't hate all Christians. I just hate the majority of them.

[Build That Wall]

There's this hideous fat broad my friend and I grew up with. She was always super shy and smelled like body odor, so not even the desperate guys wanted to hit it. Being totally exiled from anybody with standards, she was forced to hang out with the AV club nerds who had a 'DEVO' cover band because it was as close to a vagina as they were likely to ever get.

Anyway, she finally found some really nice guy and they started dating. This dude was like a ****ing saint, he dated this ugly she-beast for like 10 years and genuinely loved her even though she was a total CHUD. Then she dumps the guy out of the blue, used the motivation from doing that to lose a bunch of weight because she realized nobody would want her obese stanky ass unless she did, and landed a job as a cam slut over at myfreecams where she sticks gourds up her ass in video chat for pennies.

Around the same time, my boy was finishing up graduate school and really setting himself up to be a success in life. I was in a dry spell, so I thought I'd have a run at the slag because her self-esteem was so ****ing low that I knew there was no way in hell she'd turn me down. My friend tried talking me out of it because he was certain she had herpes, but when I promised him I'd wear 6 condoms he gave me the go-ahead.

Long story short, I didn't **** her. I got close, but her minge literally had a colony of mites living in it. **** was abysmal and I ended up puking, grabbing my car keys, and bolting for the door.

Shortly thereafter this disgusting jiggly b*tch lands herself another suitor. He was blind and had his nose burnt off in a housefire during childhood, so not only could he not see her, but he couldn't smell her either. He fell head over heels in love with her and was totally oblivious to the fact that she was blowing guys down at the local trainyard for a dollar a piece just to get extra money for her 'Twinkie' budget. It was pathetic.

A few months later, she just suddenly leaves this guy too and moves back in with her dad. Rumor has it she's ****ing her dad but there's no real proof of that, but given her history, I wouldn't be surprised. Anyway, now my boy is hanging out with this ****ing krakken! He's barhopping and making out with her all over town, I know because anytime she leaves her house people take pictures of her and upload them to cryptozoology websites thinking they've found the chupacabra.

The other day he asked me what I thought of them seeing each other and I kept it real with him. I was like "Look dude, that b*tch is no god for you. I don't like being around her because I've smelled roadkill that was more pleasant. Like, she literally makes my eyes water, bro. You're wasting your time anyway because yet-to-be-discovered bacteria have built colonies inside of her assh*le."

For some reason he got super offended and accused me of being "salty." We haven't spoken since.

What do I do, guys? This is my boy we're talking about here. I've known him my whole life and I'd do anything to protect him but he's setting himself up for disappointment. He's about to flush his whole life down the drain for this vile slag that we constantly used to rag on in high school when we weren't busy finger-banging actual human beings.

That Sea Monster most likely wants Tree Fiddy

[Grand Champ]

Don't lie, Bring.

I just saw you with her

Lmfaoooooooooooo

[phallus]

There's this hideous fat broad my friend and I grew up with. She was always super shy and smelled like body odor, so not even the desperate guys wanted to hit it. Being totally exiled from anybody with standards, she was forced to hang out with the AV club nerds who had a 'DEVO' cover band because it was as close to a vagina as they were likely to ever get.

Anyway, she finally found some really nice guy and they started dating. This dude was like a ****ing saint, he dated this ugly she-beast for like 10 years and genuinely loved her even though she was a total CHUD. Then she dumps the guy out of the blue, used the motivation from doing that to lose a bunch of weight because she realized nobody would want her obese stanky ass unless she did, and landed a job as a cam slut over at myfreecams where she sticks gourds up her ass in video chat for pennies.

Around the same time, my boy was finishing up graduate school and really setting himself up to be a success in life. I was in a dry spell, so I thought I'd have a run at the slag because her self-esteem was so ****ing low that I knew there was no way in hell she'd turn me down. My friend tried talking me out of it because he was certain she had herpes, but when I promised him I'd wear 6 condoms he gave me the go-ahead.

Long story short, I didn't **** her. I got close, but her minge literally had a colony of mites living in it. **** was abysmal and I ended up puking, grabbing my car keys, and bolting for the door.

Shortly thereafter this disgusting jiggly b*tch lands herself another suitor. He was blind and had his nose burnt off in a housefire during childhood, so not only could he not see her, but he couldn't smell her either. He fell head over heels in love with her and was totally oblivious to the fact that she was blowing guys down at the local trainyard for a dollar a piece just to get extra money for her 'Twinkie' budget. It was pathetic.

A few months later, she just suddenly leaves this guy too and moves back in with her dad. Rumor has it she's ****ing her dad but there's no real proof of that, but given her history, I wouldn't be surprised. Anyway, now my boy is hanging out with this ****ing krakken! He's barhopping and making out with her all over town, I know because anytime she leaves her house people take pictures of her and upload them to cryptozoology websites thinking they've found the chupacabra.

The other day he asked me what I thought of them seeing each other and I kept it real with him. I was like "Look dude, that b*tch is no god for you. I don't like being around her because I've smelled roadkill that was more pleasant. Like, she literally makes my eyes water, bro. You're wasting your time anyway because yet-to-be-discovered bacteria have built colonies inside of her assh*le."

For some reason he got super offended and accused me of being "salty." We haven't spoken since.

What do I do, guys? This is my boy we're talking about here. I've known him my whole life and I'd do anything to protect him but he's setting himself up for disappointment. He's about to flush his whole life down the drain for this vile slag that we constantly used to rag on in high school when we weren't busy finger-banging actual human beings.

Too funny

dude there was a girl back in the day that we called "Sea Monster" lol. she was a total spazz. When she got older she got into drugs supposedly she started doing like coke and angel dust and started wh*ring her self up to any of the brothas who was willing to hit it.

years later she ended up getting married and having kids. a friend of mine pointed out that if she could get married then anyone can.

i explained to him that she prob had some sort of mental disability since she was so weird and such a spazzoid.

but yeah its true everyone can get laid and get a serious relationship, and even get married cuz everyone is someone elses flavor or taste believe it or not.

i remember i used to go bar hopping with some of my neighbors these ugly chicks who were down to pay for gas and and feed me with their grandmas bbq lol so i took them bar hopping with me and i personally always thought they were nasty as all hell, but guess what guys would always hit on them and ask for digits and try to grind them on the dance floor.

so my point is no matter how nasty girls are they have it way easier than us guys.

Don't lie, Bring.

I just saw you with her

this story is about to get better, it will end in a threesome... both you guys should just cover yourselves in peanut butter and have a gangbang with Nessie, you can both enjoy the monster... what's better than a case of herpes and warts shared between best friends?

just curious, is either one of you a male nurse?

[paulf]

Don't lie, Bring.

I just saw you with her

My world just ended.