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A night out at an Indian restaurant... with Wlad Klitschko
I'd heard a lot of good things about Wlad's bumming skills, including my good friend Kayjay telling me that Wlad bumming 61 used car salesman meant he was every inch the bummer that a prime Muhammad Ali was.
Well, ever one to explore being sodomised by boxers - but never in a gay way, note - I called up Wlad and we went on a date to an Indian restaurant.
We had a lovely time, and it wasn't long before we were back at his, eagerly grabbing at each other's clothes. As soon as we were both naked and fully erect, Wlad surprised me by turning round and smashing me flush in the face with his right hand several times.
"What the Hell are doing?" I demanded.
"I'm a romantic," Wlad explained, "before I make love to one of my partners I like to give them a hug first."
"Wlad, you crazy shitski," I laughed, "that's not hugging what you just did - it's fighting. You've got them both mixed up."
Well, Wlad roared with laughter at his mistake, and I, despite my fractured eye socket and broken nose, couldn't help but join in the fun. We laughed and laughed and laughed, and then I told Wlad I was about to hit him back and got within a range of thirty feet - thus ensuring I finally got the hug I was really after.
However, despite the high spirits we had, it wasn't all levity. As he was about to enter my anus, he suddenly produced a contract before me.
"What's this?" I enquired.
"This is contract for bumming," Wlad explained, "I get to bum you, and try and make you cum by fucking your ass... but if I fail, you have to visit my family member Vitali and he gets to bum you also."
Well, it seemed an odd state of affairs, but, now all too eager for a good bumming, I signed away my arsehole rights for the evening. It wasn't long afterwards that Wlad entered me.
His bumming was strange. His chopper was hard and powerful, but... tentative. Like he didn't want to commit. I felt it tickle my lower colon, but I felt like my kidneys were missing out on the **** fun.
Suddenly, dear reader, things took an even more bizarre turn. As I stood there being gently sodomised, an apparition began to coalesce before my eyes. What was the nature of this phantasmagorical creature that took shape before me?
"Wlad, it's me, Manny. I've just come down from Heaven to watch this bumming, and it's making me so angry my ectoplasm's beginning to itch. You're not committing to this bumming, you're just sticking only the bell end in there, just the first half an inch. You're like 'bop, bop', and then pulling away in case you get countered by his swinging ball sac. Stick your dick in his asshole and give him a goddamn bumming! This is another Imbragimov - it's another Imbragimov!"
After this, Wlad had more urgency in his work, and, to give him credit, his orgasm was quite explosive. But it took over half an hour of slow, methodical bumming before he got there, and I personally didn't cum.
I decided to renege on our contract and simply leave the room. As I opened the door, wouldn't you know it - Freedom2014 leapt in, and instantly began rimming Wlad to within an inch of his life.
Before I could yell out a warning, the effects of the Indian restaurant finally took hold, and Wlad let out a deluge of piping hot diarrhoea for Freedom to chow down on. The whole spectacle took away the final remnants of my erection, but I was amazed to see Freedom enjoying the experience, his taste for Wlad's excrement as yet unsated.
"More, more!" he squealed, "Shit in my mouth all night, Wlad! I'll never stop rimming you, no matter what - your bumming skills are just as exciting as a prime Mike Tyson's."
I pointed out that a prime Mike Tyson was probably more exciting at fucking people, particularly if he was allegedly smashing them around the hotel room first, but Freedom had only one word for me - "racist".
It hung heavy on my heart. Maybe the friendly buggering I'd just received WAS as exciting as three rounds of being arse slammed by Marvin Hagler, and I was just prejudiced by the colour of Wlad's skin?
I walked for many miles that evening, my arsehole sore, but my heart even sorer. I'd been shown a side of myself that I didn't like, and the nature of my prejudice was one that haunted me for some time.
Well, ever one to explore being sodomised by boxers - but never in a gay way, note - I called up Wlad and we went on a date to an Indian restaurant.
We had a lovely time, and it wasn't long before we were back at his, eagerly grabbing at each other's clothes. As soon as we were both naked and fully erect, Wlad surprised me by turning round and smashing me flush in the face with his right hand several times.
"What the Hell are doing?" I demanded.
"I'm a romantic," Wlad explained, "before I make love to one of my partners I like to give them a hug first."
"Wlad, you crazy shitski," I laughed, "that's not hugging what you just did - it's fighting. You've got them both mixed up."
Well, Wlad roared with laughter at his mistake, and I, despite my fractured eye socket and broken nose, couldn't help but join in the fun. We laughed and laughed and laughed, and then I told Wlad I was about to hit him back and got within a range of thirty feet - thus ensuring I finally got the hug I was really after.
However, despite the high spirits we had, it wasn't all levity. As he was about to enter my anus, he suddenly produced a contract before me.
"What's this?" I enquired.
"This is contract for bumming," Wlad explained, "I get to bum you, and try and make you cum by fucking your ass... but if I fail, you have to visit my family member Vitali and he gets to bum you also."
Well, it seemed an odd state of affairs, but, now all too eager for a good bumming, I signed away my arsehole rights for the evening. It wasn't long afterwards that Wlad entered me.
His bumming was strange. His chopper was hard and powerful, but... tentative. Like he didn't want to commit. I felt it tickle my lower colon, but I felt like my kidneys were missing out on the **** fun.
Suddenly, dear reader, things took an even more bizarre turn. As I stood there being gently sodomised, an apparition began to coalesce before my eyes. What was the nature of this phantasmagorical creature that took shape before me?
"Wlad, it's me, Manny. I've just come down from Heaven to watch this bumming, and it's making me so angry my ectoplasm's beginning to itch. You're not committing to this bumming, you're just sticking only the bell end in there, just the first half an inch. You're like 'bop, bop', and then pulling away in case you get countered by his swinging ball sac. Stick your dick in his asshole and give him a goddamn bumming! This is another Imbragimov - it's another Imbragimov!"
After this, Wlad had more urgency in his work, and, to give him credit, his orgasm was quite explosive. But it took over half an hour of slow, methodical bumming before he got there, and I personally didn't cum.
I decided to renege on our contract and simply leave the room. As I opened the door, wouldn't you know it - Freedom2014 leapt in, and instantly began rimming Wlad to within an inch of his life.
Before I could yell out a warning, the effects of the Indian restaurant finally took hold, and Wlad let out a deluge of piping hot diarrhoea for Freedom to chow down on. The whole spectacle took away the final remnants of my erection, but I was amazed to see Freedom enjoying the experience, his taste for Wlad's excrement as yet unsated.
"More, more!" he squealed, "Shit in my mouth all night, Wlad! I'll never stop rimming you, no matter what - your bumming skills are just as exciting as a prime Mike Tyson's."
I pointed out that a prime Mike Tyson was probably more exciting at fucking people, particularly if he was allegedly smashing them around the hotel room first, but Freedom had only one word for me - "racist".
It hung heavy on my heart. Maybe the friendly buggering I'd just received WAS as exciting as three rounds of being arse slammed by Marvin Hagler, and I was just prejudiced by the colour of Wlad's skin?
I walked for many miles that evening, my arsehole sore, but my heart even sorer. I'd been shown a side of myself that I didn't like, and the nature of my prejudice was one that haunted me for some time.
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