So How Do I Help My Friend Bros?

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

Lol ty. I have no idea i found the gif on a gif website. I feel u though maybe he aint gay. Since he uses that as an excuse maybe depending on how stacked ur paper is u get him a personal trainer for like a month or 2 and twll him bo more ****ing excuses vro u been holding off for 20 ****ing years now. See what he says if he still puts an excuse then u know u cant help him unless he wants to help himself

Dude I went hard for his 35th bday got him Lakers tickets nice seats, vip bottle service at the club even had all the hot girls come drink with us, etc etc.

I dropped a ton of coin on him to help him out. I don't feel i should have to drop coin on him for his own trainer. Thats something he should feel he has to do on his own and let it affect his own wallet so he takes it sincerely.

You said the key words and thats "u know u can't help him unless he wants to help himself"

Everyone else has been telling me this too. They all keep saying bro why u stressing out over him he clearly don't want to improve his situation and if he does then he has to do it all on his own.

But I just feel he wasted 40 years already of his life never dating, hooking up, falling in love etc. Its just really sad it depresses me cause I love him like a brother.

[vaborikua2014]

Dude I went hard for his 35th bday got him Lakers tickets nice seats, vip bottle service at the club even had all the hot girls come drink with us, etc etc.

I dropped a ton of coin on him to help him out. I don't feel i should have to drop coin on him for his own trainer. Thats something he should feel he has to do on his own and let it affect his own wallet so he takes it sincerely.

You said the key words and thats "u know u can't help him unless he wants to help himself"

Everyone else has been telling me this too. They all keep saying bro why u stressing out over him he clearly don't want to improve his situation and if he does then he has to do it all on his own.

But I just feel he wasted 40 years already of his life never dating, hooking up, falling in love etc. Its just really sad it depresses me cause I love him like a brother.

I feel you, but Idk if therea anything more you can do. Other than once again sitting him down and having a real conversation with him and just keep it 100 with him. Other than that theres not much you can do. Tell him how you feel and let him know how hes been giving excuses for the past 20 years to go out and do something about his weight then if that's really what its all about. You should also tell him he needs to stop going to the **** conventions if hes not even getting a HJ from them and find himself a real women who would be down to do everything he sees in the ****os with him. If nothing then as much as it pains you just let him be.

[Mighty_Windir]

Hey bros so since its a UD that friend #1 is worth helping and not a lost cause as friend #2 as you all voted: http://www.boxingscene.com/forums/sh...d.php?t=660668

I want to know how to help him out?

So the backstory is he's a really good friend, great guy. Really nice, too nice. He's the guy who never wins, who never gets the girl cause the saying, "Nice guys finish last or not at all".

He's in his late 30's already. Still lives at home with his parents. His parents baby the hell out of him like they still treat/view him like he's a kid, pampering him and not really forcing him to move out and really grow up.

He does work hard though and has a good job as a graphic designer, so he actually makes good money and you factor in he doesn't have to pay rent, mortgage, bills and all of the other things that drains our bank accounts. So if he's smart with his money he must have a ton saved up by now.

He's a really good friend, very loyal dependable but I think thats part of his downfall too since most use him to just be that friendzone friend. He needs to really just start looking out for "Number One" cause times running out he's in his late 30's.

He's never had a girlfriend before, never really been on a real date. So he's never been laid, the legit way at least. Never actually kissed a girl either well passionately/romantically.

He looks like Seth Rogen but at his fattest like in the movie Knocked Up. I know thats not exactly the best looking guy but hey chicks still love Seth Rogen and he's a big movie star right?

I've tried everything from the high school years(spitting at girls at the mall), clubs, bars, road trips, concerts, vegas, inviting him and being his wingman, but nothing has worked. He keeps "claiming" that he's in no rush to meet a girl or date a girl. But WTF he's in his late 30's and 40's right around the corner!

For those claiming that he's gay thats not the deal for he loves porrrn, goes to all the poorn conventions gets collectibles, takes pics, autographs. he is like my other friend drops a whole paycheck at the VIP section of strip clubs. It's pretty apparent that he prefers to go to places where hot chicks are paid to be nice to him and he knows theres little to no chance of rejection or them ending up dissing him? So theres some major confidence, insecurity issues, experience issues going on there.

He doesn't hit the bars, parties, clubs scene never was really into that due to his fear of rejection. He's more of a comicon, wondercon, guy.

Out of our close circle of friends he is like 3 of last remaining friends who are not married. The other 2 are me and my other boy. My other boy is getting married over Memorial Weekend, and me ill even probably finally retire from the game next year once i get my career back on track which seems to be looking good at this point at least.

I guess i feel that he will truly be really screwed once we all get married or shacked up or whatever and he is still on his own like that. Most if not all of our friends have given up on him and written him off as a lost cause. But here even in boxingscene i see you all voted him to be in better shape than that other prick by Unanimous Decision so i figured its worth a last final attempt to help the friend out right?

So how do I help this friend?

Buddy, I'm in the same situation with a friend I have, dude the same exact descriptions you just gave me even the look, except he doesn't go out, AT ALL. He doesn't wanna exercise and barely works in a hospital on weekends. I tried very hard to motivate him to do stuff, finish his college and stuff but he doesn't care about anything that isn't watching new series on netflix, anime or buying new parts for his computer on newegg. I went to his house to pick up a few things and he was fatter than he used to be, we mostly hang around Skype or Steam whenever we talk.

My advice to you is screw it. I tried changing his ways, I'm sure they are not healthy or good for him, but he just doesn't have any desire to change anything about him, with girls, with college, with lifestyle or with work. Another friend of ours tells me the same thing you just said about your friend, that he cannot continue his life that way, he's not a kid anymore, what is he gonna do when his parents are not around, how is he gonna pay the bills etc etc...I gave up bro, I really tried, I just hope God does something for him because I couldn't. He is one of my best friends and I'll never abandon him no matter how deep he is in his world, but truth to be told, your friend has a good paying job and he has money, you don't have to worry that much about him I'd say, mine just barely scrapes by and that's why I'm worried.

God bless you both, pray to the Lord that he falls for a girl so hard that he might change his ways to appeal to that girl, not sure what else bro

[Tago Nang Tago]

WTF? dude I'm like his literally only remaining friend who even cares enough about him to try to help him all these years bro. so should i just not give a F about him and chalk him up to being a lost cause like all his other friends did about 10 years ago? wouldn't that be more like not being his friend?

Are you trying to tell me if you were 40 and in his shoes you wouldn't want your last remaining friend to try to help you out but to just ignore it like the rest of our friends did?

i can guarantee you never have 1 on 1 conversations with him about this topic. you probably always bring it up when u are with him + more friends, probably chicks. you're only doing what u do to embarass him and prop yourself up. you are a terrible "friend". you actually sound repulsive, i mean your email address is "charmingman" @ yahoo,what a tool.

[Rudyo]

He needs to start doing some cocaine to expand hs mind, nothing else will work. Maybe have him snort some MDMA, not that Molly ****, but real MDMA. Those should awaken his mind to endless possibilities and confidence.

Good Molly is MDMA, you n00b. But good advice none the less Blanca.

Or LSD. LSD works wonders, get him like a white girl with dreadlocks to hang out and supply the lucy.

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

i can guarantee you never have 1 on 1 conversations with him about this topic. you probably always bring it up when u are with him + more friends, probably chicks. you're only doing what u do to embarass him and prop yourself up. you are a terrible "friend". you actually sound repulsive, i mean your email address is "charmingman" @ yahoo,what a tool.

are u just a troll or something? you are 100% wrong on me i've had 1 on 1's with him even took him to vegas 1 on 1 and dropped about 2grand to make sure he had the time of his life for his 30th bday just me and him and yes we had plenty of 1 on 1's on that drive up there and back and through out the weekend. why i don't get is you are some how blaming me for whatever when I'm literally his only remaining friend willing to help him all his other friends act like he's A-sexual or whatever and don't even bother to be concerned or worry that he'll end up being alone and old.

Where the hell is your anger coming from? trolling? do me a favor don't post in this thread unless you have something to add to help my friend.

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

I feel you, but Idk if therea anything more you can do. Other than once again sitting him down and having a real conversation with him and just keep it 100 with him. Other than that theres not much you can do. Tell him how you feel and let him know how hes been giving excuses for the past 20 years to go out and do something about his weight then if that's really what its all about. You should also tell him he needs to stop going to the **** conventions if hes not even getting a HJ from them and find himself a real women who would be down to do everything he sees in the ****os with him. If nothing then as much as it pains you just let him be.

right right but the thing is again he's avoiding all contact with me this year. every time i call or text or if he knows ill be at the same spot he'll dodge me as if he knows inevitably I'm have that sit down with him again. we were supposed to meet up at my buddy fight party for canelo vs khan and he found out i was going to be there thinking i was still out of town for work and when he found i was gonna be there he stopped answering my phone and my boys phone who was throwing the party. its like almost he doesn't want to see or talk to me until he gets a girl story to share with me??? I don't man very bizarre behavior?

[Syf]

I actually agree with you on this. He's been into pooorn all his life. His d!ckhead brother and dad got him into it at a very young age and I think it really screwed him up from a young age. It may have been one of the major reasons why he never was able to adapt to females in real life? But at the same time he keeps claiming the weight issues is the real reason. But again can you really blame your weight for almost 40 years especially when you never do anything about it?

On top of that you always see a bunch of big fat dudes with bad girls. I think some girls even prefer a bigger guy than to a petite small dude.

But in all seriousness I can't cut him off from porrrn or strip clubs I'm not his parents or his big brother I'm just one of his boys from back in the day who we all grew up together in the hood.

In order for that to happen his parents and family and myself would all have to do an intervention or something but I don't see that happening as his brothers even worse off than he is! and his parents baby the hell out of him to the point where they don't ever want him to grow up and leave them?

I did make some comments like reverse psychology like look at all these losers who go to those pooorn conventions and they never get laid, and he didn't get the point he still goes every year sometimes twice a year in both Vegas and LA.

But the real problem recently is he's been avoiding all contact with me. He doesn't answer the phone when I call and he makes excuses to hang or to even pick up the phone cause he knows I'm lecture him or get on him for not making anything happen yet?

He turned 40 at the beginning of the year and its now June so 6 months went by and he still avoids even speaking with me this long.

I'm convinced you mean well, but from description it sounds like your friend has come to dread being judged by you.

My suggestion, keep your convictions but be more subtle about application. Often times someone will go the opposite way you try to push them. Stay non judgmental and just chill with him then convince a girl to give him a pity fuc. Just tell her the whole sad story, some girls will try to help out a hopeless case like that, if you set it up right. He doesn't even have to know of your involvement in the matter....in fact he shouldnt. Ignorance is bliss.

Other than that I don't know. People choose their own path.

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

Buddy, I'm in the same situation with a friend I have, dude the same exact descriptions you just gave me even the look, except he doesn't go out, AT ALL. He doesn't wanna exercise and barely works in a hospital on weekends. I tried very hard to motivate him to do stuff, finish his college and stuff but he doesn't care about anything that isn't watching new series on netflix, anime or buying new parts for his computer on newegg. I went to his house to pick up a few things and he was fatter than he used to be, we mostly hang around Skype or Steam whenever we talk.

My advice to you is screw it. I tried changing his ways, I'm sure they are not healthy or good for him, but he just doesn't have any desire to change anything about him, with girls, with college, with lifestyle or with work. Another friend of ours tells me the same thing you just said about your friend, that he cannot continue his life that way, he's not a kid anymore, what is he gonna do when his parents are not around, how is he gonna pay the bills etc etc...I gave up bro, I really tried, I just hope God does something for him because I couldn't. He is one of my best friends and I'll never abandon him no matter how deep he is in his world, but truth to be told, your friend has a good paying job and he has money, you don't have to worry that much about him I'd say, mine just barely scrapes by and that's why I'm worried.

God bless you both, pray to the Lord that he falls for a girl so hard that he might change his ways to appeal to that girl, not sure what else bro

hey buddy thanks for your message. i guess it helps to know there are other good guys out there in the similar shoes trying to help friends in the same boat. i'm glad your buddy at least works part time in a hospital though. that shows that he's stable and social enough to work in such an environment right? on the other hand my buddy works in graphic design. so basically his managers tell him what to design and he completes their projects so he never really interacts with people outside of his manager telling him what to do. he also works crazy long hours sometimes 24 hour days when a deadlines due.

this may be another reason why his weight never improves he works crazy long hours and is always sitting in front of a computer. i never really saw him chow down and over eat? but i think secretly he eats a lot while he's alone due to all the stress from work and just the anxiety of being socially awkward outside of his circle of friends? i don't know.

your buddy who works in the hospital could possibly obtain more certifications and become like a MA or a lab tech perhaps to improve his income? I guess the point I'm trying to make is at least he is working and has a job in a good stable environment not like in sales where its commission based and they lay off the weaker producers and such.

But yeah i totally feel you on giving up. I pretty much give up every 2 to 3 years and when he turned 21, 25, 30, 35, 38 I came down hard on him again and again. Before he turned 40 he gave me like a warning saying if its gonna be like this and all you are going to do is talk to me about improving my situation then I'm not going to want to talk to you anymore. So in a way he was warning me to lay off him from the pep talks and such but I just care about him too much and yea i guess now he's intentionally avoiding me now that he's 40???

How old is your buddy these days?

[TheGR8TESTOAT]

I'm convinced you mean well, but from description it sounds like your friend has come to dread being judged by you.

My suggestion, keep your convictions but be more subtle about application. Often times someone will go the opposite way you try to push them. Stay non judgmental and just chill with him then convince a girl to give him a pity fuc. Just tell her the whole sad story, some girls will try to help out a hopeless case like that, if you set it up right. He doesn't even have to know of your involvement in the matter....in fact he shouldnt. Ignorance is bliss.

Other than that I don't know. People choose their own path.

yeah well its not so much he's dreading me judging him its more so the whole anxiety aspect of meeting girls and even discussing it at all. i mean he basically avoids any of us even bringing up the girls topic by saying hey "I'm a private guy who needs my privacy"

which is total BS! its just a easy fast way to cop out and to kill the discussion before we can even reach any gaining ground for improvement. A bunch of his co-workers were going to Cabo for his bosses golf tournament so he actually said he was going to get into shape for that so he can party on the beaches and try to meet chicks. This was the only time I ever heard him speak like this and I was like YES FINALLY! so he started posting on social media how he was going to eat right and jog every day and we were all supportive and cheering him on. then when the cabo trip came he made up a last minute excuse and blamed his boss and did not go. he also did not lose weight it looked like he gained more in fact.

he also didn't show up to another one of our friends weddings last year for he felt everyone was going to be paired up except him but he made an excuse that he got sick a few hours before the wedding.