B morph’s Wanted Ad: In Need Of A Cuddle Buddy

[b Murphington]

Yea, I legit did. There was a good friend, a casual friend, and a dude I didn't know. I was playing on my phone and after reading the first few sentences, I could tell you were putting together a good one so I gave them the premise and then skimmed through and read the important parts out loud. They love self deprecating humor so it went over pretty well.

Yeah I like making fun of myself. Self deprecating humors the best really. Sometimes people don’t get it. Even when I say something like, “I suck at life.” They’ll get super concerned and offer support and tell me why would I say that about myself. I’m only half kidding.

But in reality, I really do suck at life and I can give at least 5 or 6 concrete examples on why I suck at life, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s utterly hilarious.

I paid $80 to go to a strangers house, just to cuddle with her because I felt lonely. She gave me hugs, held my hand, and gave me a couple of kisses on my forehead. And then I tipped her $20. I suck at life dude. It’s hilarious.

[BoxingFan85]

Did you really??? Omg that’s hilarious if you did. Yeah she told me she’s the cofounder. She trains all the practitioners.



1. I should’ve asked that question myself. She was wearing sweatpants at the time. She might’ve been wearing nothing underneath for all I know. She was a sexy older lady. A little bit of grey in her hair. Probably mid 40’s, pushing 50. Her son dropped out of college. She had a divorce.

2.

The book of cuddles had a bunch of funny names with the positions too. They had “hold me like a baby” “thank you for being there” I was thinking to myself what did I get myself into.

Yeah that 68 ain't cuddling it's more a cramped sleeping position. Does she talk to you throughout the session or does she let you sleep.

[b Murphington]

Yeah that 68 ain't cuddling it's more a cramped sleeping position. Does she talk to you throughout the session or does she let you sleep.

It’s very relaxed and everything. I just felt myself feel calmer. I think she sensed that I like to talk so she talked to me virtually the whole thing, which I was fine with. I think she’s one of those people who can feel others energies, which makes sense if she does this for a living. I let her lead the session. She’s the professional.

[jreckoning]

No interest in cuddling but i'd love to meet up somewhere and fight you

This guy clearly needs a cuddle.




The lounge has been such a cesspool with death, destruction, politics, and bragging, that this thread was a welcome diversion.
Well done, bmorph!

[b Murphington]

This guy clearly needs a cuddle.




The lounge has been such a cesspool with death, destruction, politics, and bragging, that this thread was a welcome diversion.
Well done, bmorph!

I was told by my cuddle date that they have cuddle meet ups if you down to cuddle with a bunch of strangers.

She facilitates the groups and everything.

Dude professional cuddlers make $80 for an hour long session. I think the website takes a $40 cut though. I would totally do this for pay because cuddling feels all warm and fuzzy. My only concern is that I don’t pick who I cuddle with. I picked my cuddle date because I thought her picture was attractive online. Like someone books with me, it might be someone who smells bad or someone who I don’t find attractive.

[Redd Foxx]

Yeah I like making fun of myself. Self deprecating humors the best really. Sometimes people don’t get it. Even when I say something like, “I suck at life.” They’ll get super concerned and offer support and tell me why would I say that about myself. I’m only half kidding.

But in reality, I really do suck at life and I can give at least 5 or 6 concrete examples on why I suck at life, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s utterly hilarious.

I paid $80 to go to a strangers house, just to cuddle with her because I felt lonely. She gave me hugs, held my hand, and gave me a couple of kisses on my forehead. And then I tipped her $20. I suck at life dude. It’s hilarious.

You ever considered stand-up? I don't see you doing a lot of "ha ha" jokes but that's not what comedy is today anyway. It's about being able to tell a story with a clever delivery. You deserve a better audience than us idiots on the boxing forum. Chicks love guys that can do a stage show, or guys that can at least say they have done shows. Might be your gilded path to puss*land...

[b Murphington]

This guy clearly needs a cuddle.




The lounge has been such a cesspool with death, destruction, politics, and bragging, that this thread was a welcome diversion.
Well done, bmorph!

Every once and a while I’ll be sure to make a couple of positivity threads just to keep us from figuratively killing each other. Put an end to these e wars. Hahahaha.

[b Murphington]

You ever considered stand-up? I don't see you doing a lot of "ha ha" jokes but that's not what comedy is today anyway. It's about being able to tell a story with a clever delivery. You deserve a better audience than us idiots on the boxing forum. Chicks love guys that can do a stage show, or guys that can at least say they have done shows. Might be your gilded path to puss*land...

Sh#t idk. I can probably put together 5 min worth of crap. I’m the best man for my brothers wedding in October. I always try to give his fiancée a hug. She doesn’t like hugs, so she runs away from me. It’s hilarious. I’ll sprinkle that into the speech and see how it goes. That’ll be my gateway into stand up.

Got an old college friend who may or may not marry his long term girlfriend. He told me if he does get married, I’ll be the best man. So I’ll tell the story of how when I first started hanging out with those two, I got my friends girl alone in the car when he went up to the dorm room to grab something. For whatever reason, I convinced myself that it was a good idea to confess to her that I have a huge crush on her. That pretty much cemented the friendship right there. They thought it was hilarious.

[b Murphington]

Zaroku

You ever cuddle with a J girl?

What do you think about my expensive cuddling experience?

You know what, I’m gonna make this a bi-monthly thing. Monthly is too expensive for my taste. Every other month seems just right.

It’s easier than dating and I get the same chemical releases from cuddling that I would get from dating anyways. Plus girlfriends are expensive and come with a bunch of drama. I mean, you’re just gonna pay for it anyways one way or another. I don’t have to worry about anything cuddling with strangers.

[Willy Wanker]

Good sht!

So, how good was the wank afterwards? I bet the blue balls were firing on all cylinders.

I'd pay $80 to cuddle with some stranger, but I already have cats and that's all the cuddling I need