I have a question to all the guys who have had a big break up, or a divorce.....

[jreckoning]

Thats how I feel... Emotionally, I can deal with it all day, everyday, and be good. I think thats probably my strongest trait, my mental toughness.

But I grew up poor, and having nothing at all. The whole reason I worked so hard, and splurge so much is because of how I grew up, and what I had to go through.

Now, after all the hard work Ive done, and time and effort I have put in to being financially stable, I am back to pinching pennies, being on a budget, and hoping to make enough to have just a little bit of disposable income, and it is eating my alive.

Thanks bro......

Just think of it as a phase, because that's what it is. And the thing about life, you just don't go straight up, you are gonna have ups and downs, that's how life works. So just ride with it and know it will get better, and it obviously isn't gonna get as bad as when you were coming up. But life's a rollercoaster. This **** happens. I remember having to take a job 20k less than my last one, but I got back EVENTUALLY. You will too, bro. Just a phase right now.

[B.U.R.N.E.R]

Damn bro I wish you the best. As of September 3rd Id be married a year. We arent in the BEST situation but were in school and getting stuff done. For better or for worse.

Only way Id leave my wife is if she cheated. Everything else can be fixed imo but evey situation is different. Hope you find peace because life is actually long as hell.

[pesticid]

Why do you have to leave the house, you don't have kids together do you? If no kids, then you should sell the house, divide the money and everybody goes in a separate direction.

[Isaac Hunt]

Honestly, that is the part that scares me... I know I broke it off, and I know that I could get back with her if I wanted, but when that point comes, I dont know how I am going to react. We have only been with each other, and no one else.

Now, after all the hard work Ive done, and time and effort I have put in to being financially stable, I am back to pinching pennies, being on a budget, and hoping to make enough to have just a little bit of disposable income, and it is eating my alive.

It looks to me you have 2 key issues to cope with.

1)Coming to terms with her seeing someone else at some point.

You will cross that bridge when you come to it and from you have written it is going to hit you hard.

2)Getting used to living off less.

When I split I had to budget also. I started visiting the supermarket when they were reducing items and putting the food in the freezer. I got to the point where I had a surpluss and was supplying a single mother with her food. My food budget went down by 80%. I started going to boot sales (mass yard sales) to get things cheap and got so good at it that I would spot things that were cheap and Ebayed them for profit. I go to bootsales every Sunday many of the items I pick up cost me no more than £5 and I sell them out at for £30 upwards. My best deal was a Fender Precision Bass 1962 Guitar that I picked up for £50 and that is worth at least £4000. I have had other hits like that and bootsales pay for my holidays,car insurance and other things. I have got to the point where I can't go into a shop and buy things because I can't justify the price and know that if I wait it will turn up at a boot sale at a bargain price. Right now I am collecting items to fix up my house and I only buy top quality items but at silly prices. The lack of money got me doing this and had you told me how it has worked out for me I would not have believed you. Having little money after the split and time on my hands got me into it. I have even stopped my car when I have seen a house being renovated in a good area and picked up items that were thrown out taken them home cleaned them up and Ebayed them out or sold them at bootsales. I get more of a kick out of doing this than spending money on myself you don't want to be a consumer junkie with whats around the corner economy wise because mark my words things are going to be a lot tougher next year.

[Always]

Why do you have to leave the house, you don't have kids together do you? If no kids, then you should sell the house, divide the money and everybody goes in a separate direction.

Naw, we are not married, and I am the only one on the loan for the house and car.... Im staying in the house, and keeping the car. She is gonna be moving in with her aunt right now, and when she gets her apartment, she is taking all of the furniture. I told her to take everything, just leave me my media room, and the guest bedroom set. Everything else is gonna be hers.

[Always]

This is understandable, but I think that something like that would really prove to you what kind of person she is. It seems like you would react in a similar manner to how the other poster did, so it would really prove a good way for you to finally move on.

It sounds like you have yourself on your feet for the most part. I wouldn't worry too much about losing the extra disposable income because of no longer being with her. In purely financial terms, keep in mind how much you'll inevitably end up saving from not having to buy her presents and things like that. At the very least, you'll probably be more productive at work and with other things in your life as a result of not having to deal with her negativity.

I think you did the right thing by breaking it off, HTown. Your significant other should only complement your life and should never make it more difficult.

I'm sure you'll be better off in no time. You sound like a motivated guy who knows how to get what he wants. You'll likely find someone who will respect you for that and won't make your life harder than it needs to be.

Good luck, Boss.

I appreciate the post bro..... I think Ill be good, but being financially strapped is something that I work so hard NOT to be.

**** it, Ill be back on my feet in time.

[Always]

Damn bro I wish you the best. As of September 3rd Id be married a year. We arent in the BEST situation but were in school and getting stuff done. For better or for worse.

Only way Id leave my wife is if she cheated. Everything else can be fixed imo but evey situation is different. Hope you find peace because life is actually long as hell.

Thats how I felt bro... I would sit there and cry and ask her to change her ways, and beg her to change. She is just an unhappy person, and is probably the most negative thinking person I have ever met, but I was able to deal with it. Its just gotten so much worse lately.

Congrats on the marriage and baby bro....

[New England]

I'm sure this has been discussed before, but, what do you do for a living?

Also, if you feel like you're going to be strapped all the time, maybe sell the house.

unless he bought it recently he's probably looking a short sale...

and rents now are crazy high


i'd suggest this, h town :
if you've still got teh house and you've got an extra room you could think about renting it. rents are crazy high. i was paying much more each month to rent a one bedroom apt than i do to pay my mortgage and condo fees. it sounds crazy, but it's true.

[New England]

Why do you have to leave the house, you don't have kids together do you? If no kids, then you should sell the house, divide the money and everybody goes in a separate direction.

that's an incredibly involved process..

[Always]

unless he bought it recently he's probably looking a short sale...

Yeah, I cant sell my house. Not only because I dont want to, but also I bought it when they were giving the 8,000 dollar tax credit.

So if I sell my house without ling here at least 5 years (November will be 4 years), then I would have to pay back the extra 8 thousand I received on my taxes.