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Old 02-04-2011, 09:23 AM #30
Sparked_1985 Sparked_1985 is offline
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There are a lot of irritating Americans out there.

And besides, we're British. We take the piss out of people and we're brilliant at it.

I don't know how American relationships work but in Britain most of the time in any given conversation somebody is being insulted; if not secretly then outright. Brits can even insult each other in their own heads and laugh within themselves without their face or demeanor changing. We scoff and scorn and ridicule each other. We hate 94% of people who have ever been on T.V, and in fact 94% of everybody everywhere.

We are safe in the knowledge all Americans are fat and stupid and it doesn't matter that on average their houses are 3 times bigger. We have fat people but they aren't nearly as fat. We love it when you sue major food corporations for producing food - and we imagine every single American has at some point tried to sue McDonald's for making their arse bigger. We laugh at your glow in the dark teeth. We scorn you for being down on free healthcare - it's the only good thing our politicians have EVER done. We don't like Obama anymore because he kept saying British Petroleum; we don't even own that shit. And, even if we did we'd just blame someone else for it; probably France. We have a high teenage pregnancy rate but that comes down to be so sexy that we can't keep our hands of each other; even when it is tremendously inappropriate, highly illegal, and likely to lead to a lifetime of misery with a woman who gets progressively uglier before bringing you on Jeremy Kyle to tell you: 'I'm banging your Mum'. Nonetheless; all these things represent the British spirit. And we will not be denied.

I have more but I have an idea for an essay now.
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