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Nero, emporer of Rome, AD 54 to 68. That man was like Frank in Shameless. He ****ing loved to party!!!! The man indulged in a trip to the brothel and had a punch up of a weekend. Saturday nights alright for fighting? Yes Nero my man! That’s the kind of fella I’d pop down the pub with then nip off to the strip club. But lads, before you get too excited, he only went and killed his own mother. That’s right, the woman who grew him in her womb and pushed him out her V hole. How ****ing dare he???? I dunno about you but you know what that says to me? FIDDLER!!!!!! She touched him up. Blatantly. She was a wrong un. Caligula was her older brother though so that says a lot don’t it. Depraved ****ing family I’m telling thee. But still, offing your ma!!! Nah that don’t sit right with me. To me that is one step beyond the ****ing pale. To kill your old dear?!? Nah that’s bang out of order lads. Even if she did give him a sly wank when he was only 11 years old.
Also, don’t get me started on the arson business. You’re barking up the wrong tree if you’re trying to give Nero grief for that. We’ve all made mistakes with matches ain’t we? How many accidents do you see every bonfire night? Easily done I tell thee. My brother in law once accidentally set a car alight in the field behind his house then watched it burn from his bedroom window. We’ve all got an arsonist in the family so let he who is without sin cast the first stone. People in glass houses and all that malarkey. You can’t knock Nero for the fire business.
What you can knock him for is the mother murdering shenanigans. Truly unforgivable. A man can get away with a lot (just ask James Dean) but murdering your ma is too far. I’ve forgiven Al for having his brother offed in the Godfather part II cause to be quite honest it had to happen but I’m holding a deep grudge against Nero still. What a ****! Even Commodus looks like a nice chap compared to Nero and Commodus killed Russell Crowe and I love that paparazzi bashing Aussie.
Edit: Commodus also had his mother killed I believe but never mind. No one is perfect I guess.
Also, don’t get me started on the arson business. You’re barking up the wrong tree if you’re trying to give Nero grief for that. We’ve all made mistakes with matches ain’t we? How many accidents do you see every bonfire night? Easily done I tell thee. My brother in law once accidentally set a car alight in the field behind his house then watched it burn from his bedroom window. We’ve all got an arsonist in the family so let he who is without sin cast the first stone. People in glass houses and all that malarkey. You can’t knock Nero for the fire business.
What you can knock him for is the mother murdering shenanigans. Truly unforgivable. A man can get away with a lot (just ask James Dean) but murdering your ma is too far. I’ve forgiven Al for having his brother offed in the Godfather part II cause to be quite honest it had to happen but I’m holding a deep grudge against Nero still. What a ****! Even Commodus looks like a nice chap compared to Nero and Commodus killed Russell Crowe and I love that paparazzi bashing Aussie.
Edit: Commodus also had his mother killed I believe but never mind. No one is perfect I guess.