Tell Me A Good Joke!!

[TBear]

Had a bad couple days, please tell me a good joke or two!

[kaps]

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

[PiTHON]

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day, only to catch
him sitting on the side of his bed sliding on a condom. Johnny's
father, in an attempt to hide his wood, bent over as if to look under
the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously, "Whatcha doin', Dad?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the
bed."

Little Johnny replied, "Whatcha gonna do, screw him?"

[MANGLER]

NSB is full of intelligent grown men who enjoy ***** and don't live at home wit mom n dad.

[Marcov]

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It never smells and it's always silent. As a matter of fact I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent".

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my passing gas... although still silent, it stinks terribly."

"Good", the doctor said, now that we've cleared up your sinuses, we'll start to work on your hearing.

[ƒallenloki]

Where is Don Golpe when you need him?

[Chups]

A 75 year old woman went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told her she needed more activity and recommended sex three times a week. She said to the doctor: "Please, tell my husband." The doctor goes out in the waiting room and tells the husband that his wife needs to have sex three times a week. The 80 year old husband replies: "Which days?" The doctor says, "How about Monday, Wednesday and Friday." The husband says, "I can bring her Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays she'll have to take the bus."

[Chups]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping out in the desert, set up
their tent and are soon asleep.
Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend " Tonto,
look up at the sky and tell me what you see."


Tonto replies " Me see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute "Astronomically speaking, it tells me
there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically it is evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then he speaks "Tonto, you dumb-ass, someone has stolen our tent ."

[Chups]

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?


***You don't have to hug a washing machine after you dump your load in it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


Three nuns were talking.

The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day, and do you know what I found? A bunch of ****ographic magazines."

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry, and I found a bunch of condoms!"

"Oh, my!" gasped the other nuns.

"What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.

The third nun fainted.

[Marcov]

the lone ranger and tonto are camping out in the desert, set up
their tent and are soon asleep.
Some hours later, the lone ranger wakes his faithful friend " tonto,
look up at the sky and tell me what you see."


tonto replies " me see millions of stars."

"what does that tell you?" asks the lone ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute "astronomically speaking, it tells me
there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me saturn is in leo. Chronologically it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically it is evident the lord is all powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, kemo sabi?"

the lone ranger is silent for a moment, then he speaks "tonto, you dumb-ass, someone has stolen our tent ."

lol.................