Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

Frankie The French Fry Hatches A Plan


Frankie saddled up to the bar at the We-Stuff-Em-All Diner, official headquarters of Fat For A New America. He turned to his most portly friend, Bubba the Burger, and launched a tirade."If we don't do something now, we could lose all our progress, twenty-five years of expanding and accumulating straight down the drain--if you catch my flow.""Did you call the others?" Bubba asked."Yeah. Sophie and Bunnie are on the way. I told them we needed an emergency meeting.""What about Mickey?" Bubba continued."Holy preservatives, I forgot him. Let me borrow your cell."Bubba passed him the phone.

Sophie The Soft Drink and Bunnie The Bun waddled through the front door, followed by Mickey The Malt a few minutes later. The group moved to the corner booth, brainstorm central for all Fat For A New America founders."We face a potential shrinkage crisis," Frankie began. "We need to bind together and map out a new strategy.""For the love of lard, Frankie, give us a break," Sophie started. "We've already captured over two thirds of the entire population, half of them with over 30 pounds each of good ol', genuine American-made blubber. We're killin' `em out there.""You don't get it, Sophie," Frankie argued adamantly. "Even though we've trapped the overwhelming majority, not a single one of `em wants us to stick around-so to speak. If we give them any kind of opening, we're history.""Not only that," Bubba added, "our enemies the vegetables don't care. They're quite happy to be consumed and eliminated without leaving anything behind-no future, no legacy, nothing to show at all.""I never understood that mentality," Mickey piped in. "No vision whatsoever-way too small-minded, if you see what I mean.""Yeah, very thin thinking," Bunnie chimed.

"For flab's sake, enough chatter," ordered Frankie. "Time to glob together. We need to neutralize the threats once and for all. Sophie, you've been dealing with enemy number two, fruit. What's your report?""Good news on all fronts," Sophie responded. "Operation Can `Em or Juice `Em is processing at full speed. We took out most of Poppa Pear and trapped him in chemicals inside a can, turned Abe Apple into either sauce or sugar-laden drinks and created a whole line of fake juices that confuse almost everybody into believing that they're getting real fruit when actually the whole bottle has less than 10%. The rest is all water, sugar and colorings-perfect for fat conversion.""Well lumberin' love handles, that's excellent." Frankie wiped the grease from his brow. "As we grow that operation, we'll control the fruit market-get rid of those who act too fresh. Bubba, you have a another proposal?""Yeah. It's called Salt, Sweeten & Stimulate-a movement that we have total control over." Bubba gazed around the table. "All of us play a corpulent role."

Bubba chortled at his best pal. "Frankie, you first. Can you add more salt to your ingredients?""Sure, Bubba. No problem." "More salt will cause more bloating since it can only stay in humans in saline. More bloating, more weight, less exercise, more need for stimulants, you get the drift-which leads me to you Sophie. Can you bump up your caffeine content?""Whatever the cause calls for, Bubba."Bubba gloated chubbily. "More stimulants, higher highs, quicker crashes, more cravings for sugar. That's where you come in, Mickey. Can you double your sweetness?""For sure, my bulbous brother." Bubba's lips dripped with oil. "More sugar, more fat storage, more spikes and less energy for anything that could dissolve us in any way."Bubba drooled with gluttony. "Bunnie, you're last-the hostess with the mostest-the one that holds us all together. I want you to do it all-more salt to your deliciously nutritionless processed flour; a sugar glazing to the top of each bun; more sugar in the mix; and chemicals that will bind and bind and bind." Bubba laughed so hard he almost lost his mustard."If we work together, we'll form more tires than Goodyear," Bubba gleefully declared. "Our place in history forever anchored to their mid-rifts."

"Outstanding," Frankie praised. "Truly gelatinous. But we still have to deal with enemy number one-those vile vegetables.""We're making some progress, Frankie," Bunnie chirped. "We got ketchup classified as a vegetable in the school system and packed it full of both sugar and salt-addict `em while they're young and defenseless." "It's not the sauces I'm worried about," Frankie espoused. "We've crammed most of them with salt or sugar or both. The greenies pose our biggest challenge, Artie Artichoke, Gretta Green Bean and our archrival, Sallie Salad. If they gain any momentum, they might get into a zone. Remember, they produce slow-burning fuel and disappear without a trace-a total waste! If humans get hip, we'll go the way of the glacier-melt city!"Frankie mopped more grease from his tubby cheeks."As much as we all hate salads, we need more sugar and salt on those veggies-drown their virtues in creaminess, sweetness and glutomates. We need an ally on the inside. I say we call Deirdre-Deirdre The Dressing Queen. I know that's extreme, so let's take a vote."

One by one, the Fat For A New America founders thrust their pudgy hands into the center of the council and gave the thumbs up. In one voice, they began to chant, faster and faster to the final, oversized crescendo:"Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE fat, fat!!!""Meeting adjourned," ordered Frankie. "A waist is a terrible thing to mind-let's eat."TO BE CONTINUED?

Author Ridgely Goldsborough co-founded The YoungSlim Lifestyle, an integrated approach to weight-management and anti-aging that can be reviewed in streaming video at http://www.youngslim.com. Ridgely can be emailed directly at ridgely@youngslim.com.


MORE RESOURCES:

Improve your quality of life with weight loss surgery
WOODTV.com
Weight loss is recommended for older adults with a BMI that exceeds 30, because a BMI in this range is associated with health risks, especially in this advanced age group. Weight loss surgery in older patients, much like in younger patients, can lead ...

and more »


4 Things People Don't Tell You About Major Weight Loss
TIME
That may be because weight loss doesn't address any underlying problems you may have. “Sometimes other things are making you unhappy, and the expectation that weight loss will fix it doesn't pan out, which makes you even more unhappy,” says Gail ...
Rosie O'Donnell, Whoopi Goldberg swap weight-loss stories12NewsNow.Com

all 39 news articles »


Weight Loss & Exercise – There's an App for That!
Greenville News
Weight Loss & Exercise – There's an App for That! Your smartphone is the perfect tool for helping you get in shape and stay in shape. Here are a just a few of the hundreds of free apps that can keep you motivated and help you achieve weight loss and ...
Makers of ab Glider ™ settles deceptive claims chargesJackson Clarion Ledger

all 2 news articles »


Hometownlife.com

South Lyon area is prompted to get fit, help a charity
Hometownlife.com
Several area businesses are supporting a weight loss challenge through Jeff Wixom's business, Sunset Sportswear. Pictured are (from left) Wixom, Louise Mizera with Changing I Make Salon, Christine Millington with Sunset Sportswear, Linda Erwin with ...



Weight Watchers: weight loss myths
Wink News
FORT MYERS, Fla. - Eating healthy can be difficult, but sometimes it's even harder than you think. Certain foods and exercise habits can appear to be good for you, but there are a number of weight loss myths. Kim Barber with Weight Watchers joins us ...



Health.com

5 Do's and Don'ts for Weight Loss Motivation
Health.com
Conducted by University College London, it concluded that discrimination against overweight and obese people, or “fat shaming” as it's often referred to, leads to weight gain, not weight loss. The lead researcher stated, and I agree, that there is no ...



KTAR.com

Tempe business creates mobile metabolism tracker to help with weight loss
KTAR.com
PHOENIX -- A Valley business says its new mobile metabolism tracker is ready for large-scale use. Breezing, a Tempe-based company, recently launched the new fitness product aimed at giving users the ability to track their metabolism simply by breathing.

and more »


Daily Mail

Chanelle Hayes shows off her incredible weight-loss as she snaps a series of ...
Daily Mail
She has perhaps undergone one of the most incredible weight loss journeys this year, after slimming down to a size 8 from a size 16. Chanelle Hayes - who has been on a determined health kick since the start of the year - shared a series of racy selfies ...



Weight loss: Small changes add up
Press-Enterprise
At some point, we all have that moment — the one where we get on the scale and wince at the number staring back at us. Maintaining a healthy weight while keeping up with demanding daily routines can be tough. The good news is, no matter where you're ...



US fines company $3 million over bogus Ab Glider weight loss claims
Reuters
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Icon Health and Fitness will pay $3 million to settle charges that it violated an earlier consent order from the Federal Trade commission by saying that using its "Ab Glider" for three minutes a day would result in significant ...
Ab Glider Maker to Pay $3 Million Fine for Bogus Ad ClaimsDailyFinance
Marketers of the Pro-Form ab GLIDER™ Agree to Pay $3 Million in Civil ...eNews Park Forest
FTC: No, You Probably Can't Lose 20 Pounds By Using An Ab Glider For Three ...The Consumerist

all 14 news articles »

Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.