|The Lounge | Champions | The Wire | Schedule | Audio | Arcade | The Top Ten | Historical | Email | Video|
Frankie The French Fry Hatches A Plan
Frankie saddled up to the bar at the We-Stuff-Em-All Diner, official headquarters of Fat For A New America. He turned to his most portly friend, Bubba the Burger, and launched a tirade."If we don't do something now, we could lose all our progress, twenty-five years of expanding and accumulating straight down the drain--if you catch my flow.""Did you call the others?" Bubba asked."Yeah. Sophie and Bunnie are on the way. I told them we needed an emergency meeting.""What about Mickey?" Bubba continued."Holy preservatives, I forgot him. Let me borrow your cell."Bubba passed him the phone.
Sophie The Soft Drink and Bunnie The Bun waddled through the front door, followed by Mickey The Malt a few minutes later. The group moved to the corner booth, brainstorm central for all Fat For A New America founders."We face a potential shrinkage crisis," Frankie began. "We need to bind together and map out a new strategy.""For the love of lard, Frankie, give us a break," Sophie started. "We've already captured over two thirds of the entire population, half of them with over 30 pounds each of good ol', genuine American-made blubber. We're killin' `em out there.""You don't get it, Sophie," Frankie argued adamantly. "Even though we've trapped the overwhelming majority, not a single one of `em wants us to stick around-so to speak. If we give them any kind of opening, we're history.""Not only that," Bubba added, "our enemies the vegetables don't care. They're quite happy to be consumed and eliminated without leaving anything behind-no future, no legacy, nothing to show at all.""I never understood that mentality," Mickey piped in. "No vision whatsoever-way too small-minded, if you see what I mean.""Yeah, very thin thinking," Bunnie chimed.
"For flab's sake, enough chatter," ordered Frankie. "Time to glob together. We need to neutralize the threats once and for all. Sophie, you've been dealing with enemy number two, fruit. What's your report?""Good news on all fronts," Sophie responded. "Operation Can `Em or Juice `Em is processing at full speed. We took out most of Poppa Pear and trapped him in chemicals inside a can, turned Abe Apple into either sauce or sugar-laden drinks and created a whole line of fake juices that confuse almost everybody into believing that they're getting real fruit when actually the whole bottle has less than 10%. The rest is all water, sugar and colorings-perfect for fat conversion.""Well lumberin' love handles, that's excellent." Frankie wiped the grease from his brow. "As we grow that operation, we'll control the fruit market-get rid of those who act too fresh. Bubba, you have a another proposal?""Yeah. It's called Salt, Sweeten & Stimulate-a movement that we have total control over." Bubba gazed around the table. "All of us play a corpulent role."
Bubba chortled at his best pal. "Frankie, you first. Can you add more salt to your ingredients?""Sure, Bubba. No problem." "More salt will cause more bloating since it can only stay in humans in saline. More bloating, more weight, less exercise, more need for stimulants, you get the drift-which leads me to you Sophie. Can you bump up your caffeine content?""Whatever the cause calls for, Bubba."Bubba gloated chubbily. "More stimulants, higher highs, quicker crashes, more cravings for sugar. That's where you come in, Mickey. Can you double your sweetness?""For sure, my bulbous brother." Bubba's lips dripped with oil. "More sugar, more fat storage, more spikes and less energy for anything that could dissolve us in any way."Bubba drooled with gluttony. "Bunnie, you're last-the hostess with the mostest-the one that holds us all together. I want you to do it all-more salt to your deliciously nutritionless processed flour; a sugar glazing to the top of each bun; more sugar in the mix; and chemicals that will bind and bind and bind." Bubba laughed so hard he almost lost his mustard."If we work together, we'll form more tires than Goodyear," Bubba gleefully declared. "Our place in history forever anchored to their mid-rifts."
"Outstanding," Frankie praised. "Truly gelatinous. But we still have to deal with enemy number one-those vile vegetables.""We're making some progress, Frankie," Bunnie chirped. "We got ketchup classified as a vegetable in the school system and packed it full of both sugar and salt-addict `em while they're young and defenseless." "It's not the sauces I'm worried about," Frankie espoused. "We've crammed most of them with salt or sugar or both. The greenies pose our biggest challenge, Artie Artichoke, Gretta Green Bean and our archrival, Sallie Salad. If they gain any momentum, they might get into a zone. Remember, they produce slow-burning fuel and disappear without a trace-a total waste! If humans get hip, we'll go the way of the glacier-melt city!"Frankie mopped more grease from his tubby cheeks."As much as we all hate salads, we need more sugar and salt on those veggies-drown their virtues in creaminess, sweetness and glutomates. We need an ally on the inside. I say we call Deirdre-Deirdre The Dressing Queen. I know that's extreme, so let's take a vote."
One by one, the Fat For A New America founders thrust their pudgy hands into the center of the council and gave the thumbs up. In one voice, they began to chant, faster and faster to the final, oversized crescendo:"Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE fat, fat!!!""Meeting adjourned," ordered Frankie. "A waist is a terrible thing to mind-let's eat."TO BE CONTINUED?
Author Ridgely Goldsborough co-founded The YoungSlim Lifestyle, an integrated approach to weight-management and anti-aging that can be reviewed in streaming video at http://www.youngslim.com. Ridgely can be emailed directly at email@example.com.
Magic Teafit: Healthy Sip Promotes Energetic Lifestyle and Weight Loss... - GlobeNewswire (press release)
Not One Ounce -- Candy At Your House
Here come the candy canes. In our house, Santa always hung Hershey's Kisses on the tree.
Weight Loss, Exercise, and Bodybuilding Tips - Keeping Your Body-Fat Low: Part 6 of 10
Do you know that while you work out the muscles are being torn down verses being built up? This sounds illogical doesn't it? You would think that you are doing the opposite? Well, over time this is true, yet in the short term it is different. This is why I encourage you to eat a balanced diet to replace all the fuel used in the workouts.
How High-Carb Diet Plans Treat Carbohydrates
A number of popular diets are focused on carbohydrates. Some demonize them.
Weight Loss & Obesity Affects Life Expectancy
We hear it all the time?lose weight for your health. Few people however, realize the extent to which this is critical to their physical well-being and ultimately their life expectancy.
The 7 Phases of Change
Lose The Weight For Good With The Seven Phases of ChangeThe process of losing weight requires change; in lifestyle, routines, and habitual choices. One of the primary reasons you've fail when attempting to lose weight is that you haven't planned for the phases of change you will experience as you begin the process of transforming their body.
5 Surefire Ways to Weight Management
You have finally decided to tackle weight management and lose that pesky weight but you still don't know where to start. Sometimes it is tougher to get started than to keep going! Before you do, there are a few things to think about first.
Childhood Obesity Is Everyones Problem
Reducing childhood obesity in the U.S.
Mindfulness - The Key to Avoiding Overeating
I made myself a sandwich today and thought I'd be efficient and do some work over lunch. I was brainstorming some ideas for my next article.
The First Tragedy in a Lifetime of Weightloss
I am approaching 70 years of age very quickly and I have been dieting since I was thirteen years old.To look at me now you would not think that I have been a professional boxer or a marathon runner.
Weight Loss - Attitude Counts
Weight loss specialists will tell you that attitude has a more powerful effect on losing weight than all other factors. The best plan out there won't cut it, if you don't follow it, and that can be a matter of attitude and motivation.
Give up the Diet
If you're thinking of going on a diet to lose those extra pounds think again. Long-term weight control through dieting is near impossible, for the simple reason is that diets promote only short term solutions not long term.
Myth: Gastric Bypass Patients Dont Need to Exercise to Lose Weight
Nothing is more disappointing than hearing a gastric bypass patient brag that they didn't have to exercise to lose weight. It's true; patients will lose weight without lifting a finger.
How To Select A Weight Loss Program
Choosing a weight loss program may be a daunting task. You may not know what to look for in a weight-loss program or what questions to ask.
Weight Loss Support Groups: Lose Weight & Keep It Off With Your Friends At The Phentermine Forum
We all know it's hard to begin losing weight, no matter what method you're using. Even diet pills present a challenge through uncomfortable side effects that occasionally bother us.
Dieting Effects - Alcohol
Dieting presents many complications if you are not fully committed to changing your lifestyle. Many people are more than willing to pick the parts of the diet that they are comfortable with, only to hang onto the bad habits that got them there in the first place.
3 Surprising Statistics About Our Weight
To say that Americans are obsessed with dieting is anunderstatement! Pick up any magazine, tune-in or turn-on anysource of advertising and you're bombarded with the latest dietschemes and food fads. More often than not, they are endorsed bysome familiar Hollywood celebrity, or promoted using some othercleaver technique.
A Before and After Look at Tummy Tucks
If you have a protruding abdomen, loose skin as a result of weight loss or childbirth, if despite your best efforts at diet and exercise, you just can't seem to tighten those abs, a tummy tuck may be a good option for you. What can you expect from a tummy tuck, before and after? The process will vary depending on the health of the patient and the type of procedure performed.
Diet Pills and Consumer Fraud
Diet pills have met with many different fates, and come with many different promises. But at what point does the line between misleading advertising and outright fraud cross? And how long will health products be allowed to cross this line? Some diet pills have proven very effective, but were then found to have serious health side effects.
Motivation: Keeping the Fire Going in Your Fat Loss Plan
Motivation is a factor often overlooked when it comes to weight loss endeavors because you feel strong and determined when first embarking on a fat loss plan. You're positive you'll never lose sight of your goals.
Fat Is A Self-Inflicted Disease
I just came back from three days in Las Vegas. What an eye-opener!The biggest, most lavish buffets in the world attract the biggest, most expansive people.
Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us
Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.