Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

Frankie The French Fry Hatches A Plan


Frankie saddled up to the bar at the We-Stuff-Em-All Diner, official headquarters of Fat For A New America. He turned to his most portly friend, Bubba the Burger, and launched a tirade."If we don't do something now, we could lose all our progress, twenty-five years of expanding and accumulating straight down the drain--if you catch my flow.""Did you call the others?" Bubba asked."Yeah. Sophie and Bunnie are on the way. I told them we needed an emergency meeting.""What about Mickey?" Bubba continued."Holy preservatives, I forgot him. Let me borrow your cell."Bubba passed him the phone.

Sophie The Soft Drink and Bunnie The Bun waddled through the front door, followed by Mickey The Malt a few minutes later. The group moved to the corner booth, brainstorm central for all Fat For A New America founders."We face a potential shrinkage crisis," Frankie began. "We need to bind together and map out a new strategy.""For the love of lard, Frankie, give us a break," Sophie started. "We've already captured over two thirds of the entire population, half of them with over 30 pounds each of good ol', genuine American-made blubber. We're killin' `em out there.""You don't get it, Sophie," Frankie argued adamantly. "Even though we've trapped the overwhelming majority, not a single one of `em wants us to stick around-so to speak. If we give them any kind of opening, we're history.""Not only that," Bubba added, "our enemies the vegetables don't care. They're quite happy to be consumed and eliminated without leaving anything behind-no future, no legacy, nothing to show at all.""I never understood that mentality," Mickey piped in. "No vision whatsoever-way too small-minded, if you see what I mean.""Yeah, very thin thinking," Bunnie chimed.

"For flab's sake, enough chatter," ordered Frankie. "Time to glob together. We need to neutralize the threats once and for all. Sophie, you've been dealing with enemy number two, fruit. What's your report?""Good news on all fronts," Sophie responded. "Operation Can `Em or Juice `Em is processing at full speed. We took out most of Poppa Pear and trapped him in chemicals inside a can, turned Abe Apple into either sauce or sugar-laden drinks and created a whole line of fake juices that confuse almost everybody into believing that they're getting real fruit when actually the whole bottle has less than 10%. The rest is all water, sugar and colorings-perfect for fat conversion.""Well lumberin' love handles, that's excellent." Frankie wiped the grease from his brow. "As we grow that operation, we'll control the fruit market-get rid of those who act too fresh. Bubba, you have a another proposal?""Yeah. It's called Salt, Sweeten & Stimulate-a movement that we have total control over." Bubba gazed around the table. "All of us play a corpulent role."

Bubba chortled at his best pal. "Frankie, you first. Can you add more salt to your ingredients?""Sure, Bubba. No problem." "More salt will cause more bloating since it can only stay in humans in saline. More bloating, more weight, less exercise, more need for stimulants, you get the drift-which leads me to you Sophie. Can you bump up your caffeine content?""Whatever the cause calls for, Bubba."Bubba gloated chubbily. "More stimulants, higher highs, quicker crashes, more cravings for sugar. That's where you come in, Mickey. Can you double your sweetness?""For sure, my bulbous brother." Bubba's lips dripped with oil. "More sugar, more fat storage, more spikes and less energy for anything that could dissolve us in any way."Bubba drooled with gluttony. "Bunnie, you're last-the hostess with the mostest-the one that holds us all together. I want you to do it all-more salt to your deliciously nutritionless processed flour; a sugar glazing to the top of each bun; more sugar in the mix; and chemicals that will bind and bind and bind." Bubba laughed so hard he almost lost his mustard."If we work together, we'll form more tires than Goodyear," Bubba gleefully declared. "Our place in history forever anchored to their mid-rifts."

"Outstanding," Frankie praised. "Truly gelatinous. But we still have to deal with enemy number one-those vile vegetables.""We're making some progress, Frankie," Bunnie chirped. "We got ketchup classified as a vegetable in the school system and packed it full of both sugar and salt-addict `em while they're young and defenseless." "It's not the sauces I'm worried about," Frankie espoused. "We've crammed most of them with salt or sugar or both. The greenies pose our biggest challenge, Artie Artichoke, Gretta Green Bean and our archrival, Sallie Salad. If they gain any momentum, they might get into a zone. Remember, they produce slow-burning fuel and disappear without a trace-a total waste! If humans get hip, we'll go the way of the glacier-melt city!"Frankie mopped more grease from his tubby cheeks."As much as we all hate salads, we need more sugar and salt on those veggies-drown their virtues in creaminess, sweetness and glutomates. We need an ally on the inside. I say we call Deirdre-Deirdre The Dressing Queen. I know that's extreme, so let's take a vote."

One by one, the Fat For A New America founders thrust their pudgy hands into the center of the council and gave the thumbs up. In one voice, they began to chant, faster and faster to the final, oversized crescendo:"Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE fat, fat!!!""Meeting adjourned," ordered Frankie. "A waist is a terrible thing to mind-let's eat."TO BE CONTINUED?

Author Ridgely Goldsborough co-founded The YoungSlim Lifestyle, an integrated approach to weight-management and anti-aging that can be reviewed in streaming video at http://www.youngslim.com. Ridgely can be emailed directly at ridgely@youngslim.com.


MORE RESOURCES:

CNN

He lost 153 pounds, won his first triathlon
CNN
He also keeps two pictures beside his bed, one from before his weight loss and one after, reminding himself every morning and every night, "Never again." Hoffman also continues to look for new ways to improve his personal fitness, describing himself as ...



Glamour (blog)

You Asked: Is Hot Yoga Good For You—And For Weight Loss?
TIME
You Asked: Is Hot Yoga Good For You—And For Weight Loss? Markham Heid @markhamh. 8:00 AM ET. SHARE. Hot Yoga Illustration by Peter Oumanski for TIME. Devoted hot yogis swear by the activity's many benefits. Others roll their eyes and wonder: Is it ...
Does Hot Yoga Really Help You Lose More Weight?Glamour (blog)
Hot Yoga Is Just Hot, It Won't Help You Lose More WeightJezebel

all 3 news articles »


FDA warns of prescription drugs in weight loss supplements: Tainted dietary ...
The Plain Dealer
CLEVELAND, Ohio-- The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to use six different weight loss supplements because they contain a dangerous drug that was pulled from the market in 2010 because of the risk of heart attack and ...
Tainted Weight Loss Supplement Warning from FDAMonthly Prescribing Reference
Weight Loss Products: Public Notification - Undeclared Drug IngredientsEIN News (press release)
FDA Public Notification: Mix Fruit Slimming Contains Hidden Drug IngredientsFood Consumer

all 7 news articles »


Extreme Weight Loss on ABC David (Recap & Review)
Guardian Liberty Voice
Extreme Weight Loss on ABC tonight follows the year-long weight loss journey of David, from St. Louis, Missouri. David blames himself for the deaths of one of his younger brothers and also his sister when he was a teenager at just age 17. After they ...
David Rushing, 'Extreme Weight Loss': 5 Fast Facts You Need to KnowHeavy.com
Extreme Weight Loss Recap: Chef “Wins” V. UFC Fighter Michael Bisping (7/8/14)Nerdles
'Extreme Weight Loss' Contestant Suffers Major Heart Attack ScareEntertainment Tonight

all 4 news articles »


HEALTHY EATING:Life after weight loss
The Patriot Ledger
Things to consider before starting a weight loss plan: Over-focusing on exercise and neglecting to significantly change food habits is a recipe for failure. Both are important but an estimated 85 percent of weight loss results from managing food intake ...

and more »


Medscape

Hot Flashes‏ May be Curbed by Weight Loss
Medscape
A behavioral weight loss program for menopausal women is feasible, acceptable, and effective in producing weight loss and may also curb hot flashes among overweight or obese women, according to a randomized pilot study published online June 23 in ...
Study: Weight loss can help with hot flashesPittsburgh Post Gazette
Weight loss helped women with obesity reduce hot flashes in menopauseHealio
Weight Loss May Reduce Menopausal Hot FlashesUniversity Herald
TheHealthSite -CTV News
all 30 news articles »


WFMY News 2

Before & After: How To Maintain Weight Loss (A Real Life Example)
WFMY News 2
Check out the before and after pictures; At his heaviest Kent Meeker was 292 pounds, but in 2011 he started a weight loss plan and has been holding steady at 177. You may recognize Kent as one of the 2 Wants to Know tech experts, but now he is passing ...



Skinny Chef: What's the one cooking trick for weight loss success?
The Times-Picayune
Turmeric, the yellow ground spice you find in curry power, is a superspice when it comes to health and weight loss because of its active compound called curcumin. Hundreds of studies have been completed on its effectiveness against cancer, skin ...

and more »


Pastor Opens Up About Weight-Loss Program He Says 'Saved' His Life
Charisma News
Steve Reynolds is the senior pastor of Capital Baptist Church in Annandale, Virginia. He is the author of the books Bod4God and Get Off the Couch. He is also the creator of the Losing to Live weight-loss competition. Steve has lost more than 120 pounds ...



Three FDA-approved medications for weight loss
KPLC-TV
That is why he decided to see Dr. Muhammad Jadoon with Lake Area Internal Medicine to learn more about serious weight loss options. "There are a lot of people who want to lose weight," said Dr. Jadoon, "and if you can give them the initial support that ...


Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.