Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

How Not To Lose Weight


Who really wants to lose weight? None of us, right? How much fun is it to be on a diet, deprived of all you really want and need when there is a McDonald's, Krispy Kreme or Baskin and Robbins right around the corner calling out your name? Learn to love what you've got, get more (and bigger portions) out of life and let all the skinny people fend for themselves! Following is our guide to not losing weight:

1. Drive Everywhere You Go.

God gave us cars for a reason - so that we would never have to walk another step unless we wanted to! Forget about buying or using a bike, motorcycle or your own two feet. Drive everywhere you need to go - even if it's just around the block.

2. Never Take The Stairs.

All those exercise books are always advising us to 'take the stairs instead of the elevator'. Can they spell c-o-n-v-e-n-i-e-n-c-e? Elevators get us to where we need to be quickly and efficiently - and that's good enough for us. Use stairs only in case of an emergency.

3. Eat Whatever You Want.

There is so much wonderful variety in today's foods - we have fast food, gourmet food, pastries, fried foods, seafood, beef, fish and poultry - how can you restrict your eating to just one or two things? Eat whatever you want - enjoy yourself and worry about the consequences tomorrow.

4. Exercise, Shmexercise!

Exercise - who needs it? You probably get enough exercise in your daily life as it is - chasing after the kids, doing housework, keeping up with your appointments, going to church, and all that driving around has to burn off some calories, right? So, don't worry about it - the last thing you need to do at the end of a hard day of work is drag yourself to the gym. Work hard, rest harder.

5. Watch As Much Television As You Can.

What does watching television have to do with not losing weight? Watching television goes hand in hand with one of our favorite activities - snacking! We get to snack on such wonderful things as tv dinners, popcorn, potato chips, cookies, and my personal favorite - chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream! Hmm, hmm, makes me hungry just thinking about it. So, pull up to Extreme Makeover, pull out that bag of popcorn and snack away!

6. Never Count Calories, Fat Grams or Carbs.

Who has time to read all those labels anyway? You know if something is good, right? You don't need a label to tell you that. And fat grams and carbs? Forget about it - the government can't even decide what's healthy anymore and what's not. Good carbs, bad carbs, who can keep up? Eat what tastes good and let God sort out the rest.

And, finally:

7. Never Weigh Yourself!

This is the final and most important step - never get on that scale! Don't even buy a scale (and if you already have one - throw it out)! Because, if you do, you will find that doing all the above things will not only cause you not lose weight, but you will in fact gain weight. But, by not buying a scale, you won't be aware of that fact until your clothes no longer fit, your blood pressure goes up or until your cholesterol shoots sky high! But, until that time, leave the scale and the calorie counting behind you in your quest to not lose weight!

(In case you haven't figured it out - this article is in no way meant to be serious. It is simply our ironic way of pointing out the countless excuses we use to remain overweight, our refusal to diet and our lack of motivation in incorporating exercise into our daily lives. Stay turned for my next (and more serious) article in this series - Simple Ways to Lose Weight. Until then - Be Blessed!)

Sonya C. Triggs is a contributing writer to Urban Christianz Ministries. Visit this website to get practical advice about every day spirituality, dating, relationships and becoming closer to God.


MORE RESOURCES:

Mediaite

Caffeine-infused weight loss underwear is actually decaf: FTC
New York Post
Bras, girdles and leggings infused with caffeine and sold as weight loss aids were more decaf than espresso, and the companies that sold them have agreed to refund money to customers and pull their ads, U.S. regulators said on Monday. The Federal Trade ...
Regulators Crack Down on Caffeinated Underpants for Weight LossMediaite
The Weight-Loss Product That's So Ridiculous the Gov't Is Now Requiring the ...TheBlaze.com
Caffeine in undergarments fails on its weight loss promisehelpmeoutDOC News - A consistent flow of medical news

all 102 news articles »


Is 'Biggest Loser'-Style Weight Loss Healthy?
U.S. News & World Report (blog)
Do "Biggest Loser" contestants maintain their weight loss, and is such a method of dropping pounds even healthy? By Yoni Freedhoff Sept. 30, 2014 | 7:00 a.m. EDT + More. The scream-at-desperate-people television juggernaut known as "The Biggest Loser" ...

and more »


ABC News (blog)

Check Out 'Black-ish' Star Anthony Anderson's 47-Pound Weight Loss
ABC News (blog)
Anthony Anderson, the star of the new ABC series “Black-ish,” credits “healthier choices” for his stunning 47-pound weight loss. The 44-year-old actor and self-described “husky” man said he never had a problem with his size, even at his heaviest weight ...
Anthony Anderson discusses 47-pound weight loss following Type 2 diabetes ...Daily Mail
“Black-ish” Star Anthony Anderson Credits 'Vegan-ish' Choices for 47-Pound ...myCentralOregon.com
Anthony Anderson: I Lost 47 Lbs. and Became Vegan-ishPeople Magazine

all 8 news articles »


E! Online

EJ Johnson's Weight Loss Surgery — Find Out What He Received!
Wetpaint
We know what you may be thinking when you first read the headline that #RichKids of Beverly Hills star EJ Johnson recently underwent weight loss surgery: Isn't he a little young for something that extreme? Sure, 22-year-old EJ — the son of legendary ...
EJ Johnson Receives Weight Loss Surgery to "Work Towards Becoming the ...E! Online
RUMOR PATROL: Did E.J. Johnson Get Weight Loss Surgery?Cocoafab
Magic Johnson's Son EJ Had Weight Loss Surgery in AugustEurweb.com
Examiner.com
all 16 news articles »


Weight-Loss Programs for Surgery Patients
Wall Street Journal
An estimated 18 million of the 78.6 million obese adults in the U.S. are eligible for surgical weight-loss procedures, according to the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery. Between 2011 and 2013, more than a half-million patients had ...

and more »


A Four-Step Belly Fat Weight Loss Plan That Makes Sense
eMaxHealth
Do you find that no matter how much exercise you do, or how many calories you cut, that you actually wind up gaining rather than losing weight? Especially in the abdominal region as belly fat? There's a reason for this says one weight loss expert who ...



Pedestrian TV

Snapchat hit by weightloss spam scam
BBC News
Accounts on messaging service Snapchat have been hijacked to send spam - but the site has said it was not the victim of a hack. User profiles were used to send out advertisements for a weightloss site. It's not clear how many people have been affected ...
Snapchat Plagued by Weight Loss Spam, Denies HackVPN Creative

all 11 news articles »


Brainerd Daily Dispatch

FTC: Caffeine-infused weight loss underwear buzzless
Brainerd Daily Dispatch
WASHINGTON, Sept 29 (Reuters) - Bras, girdles and leggings infused with caffeine and sold as weight loss aids were more decaf than espresso, and the companies that sold them have agreed to refund money to customers and pull their ads, U.S. regulators ...



New plastic surgeon specializes in removing excess skin after dramatic weight loss
The Grand Rapids Press - MLive.com
GRAND RAPIDS, MI – When Dr. Ryan Mitchell was in his plastic surgery residency, he developed an interest in a growing area of practice – body contouring for patients who have sustained a major weight loss. The surgery to remove the excess skin left ...



Grand re-opening at Physicians WEIGHT LOSS Centers
Lincoln Journal Star
New location, 5733 S. 34TH ST., STE. 200, in Williamsburg Village, Lincoln. On Sept. 26, 2014, the South Lincoln Physicians WEIGHT LOSS Centers, ranked in the top five among the Physicians WEIGHT LOSS Centers nationwide, is pleased to announce its ...


Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.