Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

How Not To Lose Weight


Who really wants to lose weight? None of us, right? How much fun is it to be on a diet, deprived of all you really want and need when there is a McDonald's, Krispy Kreme or Baskin and Robbins right around the corner calling out your name? Learn to love what you've got, get more (and bigger portions) out of life and let all the skinny people fend for themselves! Following is our guide to not losing weight:

1. Drive Everywhere You Go.

God gave us cars for a reason - so that we would never have to walk another step unless we wanted to! Forget about buying or using a bike, motorcycle or your own two feet. Drive everywhere you need to go - even if it's just around the block.

2. Never Take The Stairs.

All those exercise books are always advising us to 'take the stairs instead of the elevator'. Can they spell c-o-n-v-e-n-i-e-n-c-e? Elevators get us to where we need to be quickly and efficiently - and that's good enough for us. Use stairs only in case of an emergency.

3. Eat Whatever You Want.

There is so much wonderful variety in today's foods - we have fast food, gourmet food, pastries, fried foods, seafood, beef, fish and poultry - how can you restrict your eating to just one or two things? Eat whatever you want - enjoy yourself and worry about the consequences tomorrow.

4. Exercise, Shmexercise!

Exercise - who needs it? You probably get enough exercise in your daily life as it is - chasing after the kids, doing housework, keeping up with your appointments, going to church, and all that driving around has to burn off some calories, right? So, don't worry about it - the last thing you need to do at the end of a hard day of work is drag yourself to the gym. Work hard, rest harder.

5. Watch As Much Television As You Can.

What does watching television have to do with not losing weight? Watching television goes hand in hand with one of our favorite activities - snacking! We get to snack on such wonderful things as tv dinners, popcorn, potato chips, cookies, and my personal favorite - chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream! Hmm, hmm, makes me hungry just thinking about it. So, pull up to Extreme Makeover, pull out that bag of popcorn and snack away!

6. Never Count Calories, Fat Grams or Carbs.

Who has time to read all those labels anyway? You know if something is good, right? You don't need a label to tell you that. And fat grams and carbs? Forget about it - the government can't even decide what's healthy anymore and what's not. Good carbs, bad carbs, who can keep up? Eat what tastes good and let God sort out the rest.

And, finally:

7. Never Weigh Yourself!

This is the final and most important step - never get on that scale! Don't even buy a scale (and if you already have one - throw it out)! Because, if you do, you will find that doing all the above things will not only cause you not lose weight, but you will in fact gain weight. But, by not buying a scale, you won't be aware of that fact until your clothes no longer fit, your blood pressure goes up or until your cholesterol shoots sky high! But, until that time, leave the scale and the calorie counting behind you in your quest to not lose weight!

(In case you haven't figured it out - this article is in no way meant to be serious. It is simply our ironic way of pointing out the countless excuses we use to remain overweight, our refusal to diet and our lack of motivation in incorporating exercise into our daily lives. Stay turned for my next (and more serious) article in this series - Simple Ways to Lose Weight. Until then - Be Blessed!)

Sonya C. Triggs is a contributing writer to Urban Christianz Ministries. Visit this website to get practical advice about every day spirituality, dating, relationships and becoming closer to God.


MORE RESOURCES:

4 Things People Don't Tell You About Major Weight Loss
TIME
That may be because weight loss doesn't address any underlying problems you may have. “Sometimes other things are making you unhappy, and the expectation that weight loss will fix it doesn't pan out, which makes you even more unhappy,” says Gail ...

and more »


Improve your quality of life with weight loss surgery
WOODTV.com
Weight loss is recommended for older adults with a BMI that exceeds 30, because a BMI in this range is associated with health risks, especially in this advanced age group. Weight loss surgery in older patients, much like in younger patients, can lead ...



Weight Loss & Exercise – There's an App for That!
Greenville News
Weight Loss & Exercise – There's an App for That! Your smartphone is the perfect tool for helping you get in shape and stay in shape. Here are a just a few of the hundreds of free apps that can keep you motivated and help you achieve weight loss and ...
Makers of ab Glider ™ settles deceptive claims chargesJackson Clarion Ledger

all 2 news articles »


US fines company $3 million over bogus Ab Glider weight loss claims
Reuters
The FTC, in its statement on Thursday, said that between 2010 and 2013 Icon ran several types of advertisements making weight-loss claims for the Ab Glider, a machine that aims to target the abdominal muscles by having users glide on their knees on a ...
Ab Glider Maker to Pay $3 Million Fine for Bogus Ad ClaimsDailyFinance
Marketers of the Pro-Form ab GLIDER™ Agree to Pay $3 Million in Civil ...eNews Park Forest
FTC: No, You Probably Can't Lose 20 Pounds By Using An Ab Glider For Three ...The Consumerist

all 14 news articles »


Hometownlife.com

South Lyon area is prompted to get fit, help a charity
Hometownlife.com
Several area businesses are supporting a weight loss challenge through Jeff Wixom's business, Sunset Sportswear. Pictured are (from left) Wixom, Louise Mizera with Changing I Make Salon, Christine Millington with Sunset Sportswear, Linda Erwin with ...



Environment, not willpower, helps weight-loss
San Antonio Express-News
SAN ANTONIO — If you're trying to lose weight, you might want to hide the cereal. A study that examined people's kitchens in Syracuse, New York, found that women who had a box of breakfast cereal visible anywhere in their kitchen weighed 21 pounds ...

and more »


Oatmeal and Weight Loss
FitSugar.com
It helps you time carbs right: When it comes to weight loss, celebrity trainers Bob Harper and Gunnar Peterson agree: you should eat carbs for breakfast. According to Manhattan-based nutritionist and registered dietitian Shira Lenchewski, "[carbs] are ...



An Inspirational Guide to Weight Loss
Beliefnet
I'm not a doctor, fitness expert or weight loss expert. I'm just a 52-year-old guy working hard to shed some extra pounds. This nine-month battle of the bulge has helped me get in touch with my body to see what it needs and what it doesn't need to lose ...



Weight Watchers: weight loss myths
Wink News
FORT MYERS, Fla. - Eating healthy can be difficult, but sometimes it's even harder than you think. Certain foods and exercise habits can appear to be good for you, but there are a number of weight loss myths. Kim Barber with Weight Watchers joins us ...



From GE Wants To Pay You For Your Idea To How Weight Loss Can Get You ...
ABC News
From GE Wants To Pay You For Your Idea To How Weight Loss Can Get You More Dough. Rebecca Jarvis reveals what you need to know to become more financially abundant on Real Biz 9.18.2014. 20:05 | 09/18/2014. Related Links: Watch: The Big ...


Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.