Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

Are You a Right-Fighter?


Are You a "Right-Fighter"?

Do you find yourself struggling to "win" arguments? Do people ask you why you always have to be right? Does conflict you engage in typically end with you having the last word, but no one feels good about the argument? Do arguments you engage in usually escalate to shouting and anger? If you have said yes to any of these questions, you are likely a right-fighter!

What is a "Right-Fighter"

A right-fighter is someone who struggles to win arguments, even if they doubt their own view. A right-fighter is someone who gets overly emotional or angry when people do not agree with them and their opinions or beliefs. A right-fighter is someone who insists on having the last word in an argument or refuses to back down no matter what.

Challenges of Being a "Right-Fighter"

1) People who are right-fighters, (or those who are driven by the need to be right), have their value or worth literally attached to the outcome of being right. On a very deep level, a right-fighter believes that if she is not agreed with then she is not valuable, lovable and/or worthy. The "right-fighter" desperately believes (unconsciously) that others must agree with her to feel ok about herself. Being a right-fighter causes you to depend upon others for your self-esteem and worth.

2) Right-Fighting is an acceptable form of violence or aggression. Because the right-fighting pattern usually ends up one sided and includes a winner and a loser, the effects are similar to those of physical abuse. Learned submission on the part of the children and often the other parent/spouse is inevitable. "Right-Fighting" is in fact a form of emotional abuse. A right-fighter parent is particularly harmful to children because the child is made to feel like the "loser" and that his or her opinions arenot valid or important. Right-fighting is a direct reflection of low self-esteem. And unfortunately the low self-esteem of one steals the development of strong self-esteem of others.

Negative Outcomes of "Right-Fighting" Women

~ Loved ones around a right-fighting women experience consistent feelings of defeat and learn to seriously doubt their capabilities, lovability and value as a human. The result is oftenalienation. ~ Right-Fighting is an especially dangerous behavior for mothers. A very common outcome of right-fighting is that it tends to breed explosiveness and anger within the home environment. ~ Because the nature of a right-fighting parent is to prove his/her value and worthiness through being "right", it is at the same time stealing a strong sense of value and worthiness from the children. Any timeparents have low self-esteem, the children will too.~ Frequently right-fighters are managers, bosses or owners of companies because they are strong and powerful (which when used well are merely 2 of the abounding excellent qualities of the right-fighter!).Unfortunately, the right-fighting work environment creates disloyalty, frequent turnover, dishonesty, ineffectiveness, and an every man for himself attitude. (I'll save right-fighting in the workplace for anothertime!)

Do Not Despair!

If you have found that you may have some qualities of a right-fighter, don't start beating yourself up, begin working on it! You are a wonderful and lovable person with far more positive qualities

than negative... this is certain! This habit does NOT have to define you. You are capable of releasing this habit at any time (please seek help if you need it, a partner in change is always a wonderful gift to yourself and your family!).

Acknowledging your habit of right-fighting and becoming aware when you are engaging in this habit is the first, most important step in leading a more successful and happy life.

Action Step

"Right-fighters": Begin to gently remind yourself of your unchanging value and worth during arguments and disagreements, whether or not you fully believe it. "Fake it till you make it"! Begin to imagine what conflict would be like if the outcome was not important. Begin to allow others to hold one opinion and you another without having ill or hurt feelings. What would life be like to be loved, cared for and respected rather than being "right"? Try validating others' opinions as equally valuable. This doesn't mean you must agree, only to say "yes" you and your view are as valuable as mine". I promise you, peace will begin to flow into your life.

About Author:Momentum Performance Development is a personal and professional coaching company. When you commit to one of our programs, our team of experts in sport, career, and family performance development will assist in exponentially changing your life for the better. This means high performance success for you. We are committed to your results!

Sign up for our FANTASTIC newsletters at http://www.create-momentum.com/


MORE RESOURCES:

Stanford Report

Stanford research shows that working together boosts motivation
Stanford Report
Stanford research shows that working together boosts motivation. Stanford faculty member Gregory Walton found that when people are treated by others as partners working together on a task, their motivation increases – even if they worked on their own.



Chron.com (blog)

Some Rockets have extra motivation in summer workouts
Chron.com (blog)
Though the Toyota Center practice could have been filled with the usual mix of prospects and veterans of recent summer leagues, this off-season those players have been motivated by the knowledge that some will still be playing when the off-season moves ...

and more »


Morgan State football using snub in MEAC preseason poll as motivation
Baltimore Sun
“It's just motivation. At the end of the day, I've never seen a preseason ranking dictate what a team does during the season. It's all just speculation. All we have to do is come out and prove those guys wrong. At the end of the day, they don't know ...

and more »


Phys.Org

Research shows that working together boosts motivation
Phys.Org
In five experiments, Carr and Walton found that these "cues of working together" increased "intrinsic motivation" as people work on their own. Intrinsic motivation refers to behaviors people want to do – what they enjoy and find intrinsically rewarding ...
Working together boosts motivationScienceBlog.com (blog)

all 2 news articles »


The Ranger

Chairs worried about losing student motivation to graduate
The Ranger
“What's my motivation to have so many graduates get our numbers up because it's really not important anymore?” “I completely understand that we want to be able to advise students maybe to a major or specific thing right now because we are right in the ...



Forbes

Detroit's LevelEleven Revs Sales Motivation
Forbes
What do you do as a manager when the conventional means of motivating your sales team—competitions, prizes, inspirational speeches—fall flat? How can you leverage technology to help rally and focus your team around company initiatives, product ...



Late fumble served as motivation for Morgan State's Herb Walker Jr.
Baltimore Sun
By the middle of the fourth quarter of Morgan State's 28-3 win over Bowie State at Hughes Stadium on Saturday, running back Herb Walker Jr. had gained 118 yards, marking the third straight game in which the team had a 100-yard rusher. But with 3:27 ...

and more »


velonews.competitor.com

Monday Motivation: The 4-Minute Mile Jetpack
velonews.competitor.com
We're familiar with wearable jetpacks that make you airborne, but here's an invention that targets groundspeed instead. Students at Arizona State University have designed a jetpack to help soldiers run a 4-minute mile. The project, titled 4MM and ...

and more »


4 Science-Backed Ways To Motivate Yourself To Work Out
Huffington Post
Over time, the motivation becomes intrinsic, as the brain begins to associate sweat and pain with the surge of endorphins -- those feel-good chemicals released in the brain that are responsible for that "I-feel-freaking-amazing" rush you get after a ...

and more »


Domingo's extension serves as World Cup motivation
ESPNcricinfo.com
"Actually, it will be motivation because it shows confidence in him. I don't think he will relax but it will allow him to be more free-thinking and trust his instincts." Domingo has already been in charge for one major tournament, the World T20 in ...

and more »

Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.