Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

Motivation: 3 Keys to Lasting Change


David Bowie once sang, "Ch-ch-changes, tryin' to face the strain."

There are times in life when trying to change can be a strain. If you are like most folks, you have tried to change something in your life. And, like most folks, may have found yourself frustrated when you were unable to change. Perhaps it was a habit, an attitude, or some part of an important relationship. Whatever the issue, try as you might, you were not able to get the changes you wanted.

Welcome to the club, it's a big one.

Here's the really good news - you can get the changes you want! And it doesn't have to take years and years and cost hundreds or thousands of dollars, two of the more common myths about the process of change.

Here's a question - have you ever tried to open a ketchup bottle with a lizard? Of course not. The reason behind that rather odd question is to illustrate how frustrating and silly it is to try to do a job without the proper tools. My job in this column, and as a counselor, is simply to give you some of the tools that I have found useful in helping people get the changes they want in their lives.

Today we will look at three key tools for getting the changes you want, whether it's at work or home.

Focus on what you want, not what you don't want

What do the following statements have in common; "I want to stop smoking", "I want to stop yelling at my kids", "I've gotta stop working so hard", "I need to stop neglecting my marriage." One thing they have in common is they are all statements from clients, in the first session, when I ask them what they would like to be different about their lives. Another thing these statements have in common is that they all focus on what they don't want.

Why is that important? Well, think about it for a moment. When you first learned how to throw a ball, were you taught where to throw it to or where to not throw it? Another silly question, really. Of course you were taught to focus on where you wanted the ball to go.

In the same way, to achieve the changes you want, focus on what you want, not what you don't want. It's really not that difficult. In the examples above, all we need is a change in wording, which brings a change in focus.

Here's a sample of what I mean -

"I want to stop smoking" becomes "I want to be smoke free."

"I want to stop yelling at my kids" becomes "I want to manage my kids (and myself) better."

"I've gotta stop working so hard" becomes "I want to work smarter, not harder, and enjoy life more."

"I need to stop neglecting my marriage" becomes "I need to make my marriage a priority."

And so on.

Focus on one change at a time

Trying to change too many things at once dooms you to frustration at best, and failure at worst. You can end up like the side show at the circus. You know the one, where the guy is spinning several plates on a stick, and has to run around to keep them all spinning at once. Eventually, you wear out, quit, and all the plates come tumbling down.

When working on changes, especially at first, focus on one area of change at a time. As you get your "psychological feet" under you in one area, move on the next, and then the next, etc.

In this way, if you worked on one change a week for a year, that's 50 things you could change in a year, with two weeks off for vacation.

Aim for progress, not perfection.

Let's say you want to quit smok- oops, I mean become smoke free, for instance. You make it for six days, and then smoke one cigarette. It's important to remember that six days smoke free is progress. Go for six more and then build from there.

What you don't want to do is focus on the slip-up, and then give up in frustration. So many times we expect perfection from ourselves when we want to change. That's a sure set-up for failure.

Focus on the progress, even if it's one step up and two steps back. Keep going, and eventually you can get to 100 steps up and an occasional step back.

Focus on what you want, one change at a time, aim for progress. That's a three part prescription for successful change.

Thanks for reading, and keep the change.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.


MORE RESOURCES:

Dawgs digging deep to find last-game motivation
Seattle Post Intelligencer - 4 hours ago
Finding motivation figures to be a challenge for a squad coming off a 16-13 double-overtime loss in its rivalry game. Willingham insisted he won't use his ...


Irish Win Record 39th Straight at Home
New York Times, United States - Nov 30, 2008
“We knew coming into this game that there was something to play for and that gave us a little extra motivation,” said McAlarney, who led the Irish with 32 ...


AFP

OPEC Cuts: A Barrel Of Laughs
Forbes, NY - 6 hours ago
"The major motivation for sellers is the discounting of the OPEC decision," said Mike Fitzpatrick, vice president of MF Global, in a report, "but motivation ...
Oil prices dive after OPEC holds output unchanged AFP
all 284 news articles


Chiefs provide Raiders true motivation to run
Sacramento Bee,  USA - Nov 30, 2008
"It gives us a little extra motivation to play for because when you have hard times, it's tough to find that extra motivation. We're playing at home against ...


MiamiHerald.com

Where's the love for Alabama?
Gainesville Sun, FL - 3 hours ago
You have to believe it's motivation for the Tide. "I guess you could say that," Alabama quarterback John Parker Wilson said. "But it's not something we've ...
SEC CHAMPIONSHIP: Florida’s Harvin could miss game Atlanta Journal Constitution
Florida Gators' Harvin improves, but enough to face Alabama? Tampabay.com
Transcript of Nick Saban conference call SportingNews.com
BamaMag.com - Chattanooga Times Free Press
all 418 news articles


Vikings' view from above: exhilarating
Minneapolis Star Tribune, MN - 1 hour ago
... and I don't think those guys on that team want to be attached with not having a win. So that is a different kind of motivation, but nonetheless motivation."
A moment to celebrate? Minneapolis Star Tribune
all 3 news articles


Stoops ready for ASU
Cougfan.com, WA - 42 minutes ago
One of the biggest concerns going into each game has been the motivation of the Wildcats and Stoops feels that it will not be a problem this weekend. ...


Seattle Post Intelligencer

AU should have plenty of motivation
Times-Journal, AL - Nov 28, 2008
Then again, the Tigers should take the field at Bryant-Denny Stadium with plenty of motivation. - With a win, Auburn will become bowl eligible. ...
Iron Bowl is motivation for injured Auburn players Tuscaloosa News (subscription)
Tide, Tigers Have Different Motivations BamaMag.com
GRIBBLE COLUMN: More than bragging rights on the line Opelika Auburn News
Dothan Eagle - Tuscaloosa News (subscription)
all 1,090 news articles


MiamiHerald.com

Motivation, Tebow and Percy-cution
GatorCountry.com, FL - Nov 28, 2008
Percy Harvin turns on the jets and heads to the end zone against South Carolina/Gator Country Photo by Tim Casey. The year was 1968 and the fifth-ranked ...
No. 2 Gators hammer rival FSU again, 45-15 The Associated Press
Storming to Atlanta: No. 2 UF heads for showdown with No. 1 'Bama ... Independent Florida Alligator
Tebow: The Ultimate Warrior DawgsBite.com
Swamp Things - Gatorsports.com
all 940 news articles


Don't let motivation to conserve fall with fuel prices
Bloomington Pantagraph,  USA - Nov 29, 2008
When gasoline was selling for $4 a gallon there was greater motivation to address those problems, just as there was when the fuel crisis of the 1970s hit ...

Motivation - Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.