Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

Motivation: 3 Keys to Lasting Change


David Bowie once sang, "Ch-ch-changes, tryin' to face the strain."

There are times in life when trying to change can be a strain. If you are like most folks, you have tried to change something in your life. And, like most folks, may have found yourself frustrated when you were unable to change. Perhaps it was a habit, an attitude, or some part of an important relationship. Whatever the issue, try as you might, you were not able to get the changes you wanted.

Welcome to the club, it's a big one.

Here's the really good news - you can get the changes you want! And it doesn't have to take years and years and cost hundreds or thousands of dollars, two of the more common myths about the process of change.

Here's a question - have you ever tried to open a ketchup bottle with a lizard? Of course not. The reason behind that rather odd question is to illustrate how frustrating and silly it is to try to do a job without the proper tools. My job in this column, and as a counselor, is simply to give you some of the tools that I have found useful in helping people get the changes they want in their lives.

Today we will look at three key tools for getting the changes you want, whether it's at work or home.

Focus on what you want, not what you don't want

What do the following statements have in common; "I want to stop smoking", "I want to stop yelling at my kids", "I've gotta stop working so hard", "I need to stop neglecting my marriage." One thing they have in common is they are all statements from clients, in the first session, when I ask them what they would like to be different about their lives. Another thing these statements have in common is that they all focus on what they don't want.

Why is that important? Well, think about it for a moment. When you first learned how to throw a ball, were you taught where to throw it to or where to not throw it? Another silly question, really. Of course you were taught to focus on where you wanted the ball to go.

In the same way, to achieve the changes you want, focus on what you want, not what you don't want. It's really not that difficult. In the examples above, all we need is a change in wording, which brings a change in focus.

Here's a sample of what I mean -

"I want to stop smoking" becomes "I want to be smoke free."

"I want to stop yelling at my kids" becomes "I want to manage my kids (and myself) better."

"I've gotta stop working so hard" becomes "I want to work smarter, not harder, and enjoy life more."

"I need to stop neglecting my marriage" becomes "I need to make my marriage a priority."

And so on.

Focus on one change at a time

Trying to change too many things at once dooms you to frustration at best, and failure at worst. You can end up like the side show at the circus. You know the one, where the guy is spinning several plates on a stick, and has to run around to keep them all spinning at once. Eventually, you wear out, quit, and all the plates come tumbling down.

When working on changes, especially at first, focus on one area of change at a time. As you get your "psychological feet" under you in one area, move on the next, and then the next, etc.

In this way, if you worked on one change a week for a year, that's 50 things you could change in a year, with two weeks off for vacation.

Aim for progress, not perfection.

Let's say you want to quit smok- oops, I mean become smoke free, for instance. You make it for six days, and then smoke one cigarette. It's important to remember that six days smoke free is progress. Go for six more and then build from there.

What you don't want to do is focus on the slip-up, and then give up in frustration. So many times we expect perfection from ourselves when we want to change. That's a sure set-up for failure.

Focus on the progress, even if it's one step up and two steps back. Keep going, and eventually you can get to 100 steps up and an occasional step back.

Focus on what you want, one change at a time, aim for progress. That's a three part prescription for successful change.

Thanks for reading, and keep the change.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.


MORE RESOURCES:

Christian Science Monitor

Struggle to Explain Motivation of Co-pilot in Germanwings Crash
TIME
But as German prosecutors search for what might have motivated co-pilot Andreas Lubitz to deliberately smash the Germanwings plane carrying 149 other people into the French Alps, many experts caution against speculating on a diagnosis. “We don't have ...
Officials search for Germanwings pilot's motivationChristian Science Monitor
Germanwings Flight 9525: Depression, Motivation and the Language of TerrorismCenter for Research on Globalization
Germanwings co-pilot crashed the plane without apparent terrorist motivationLa prensa
Fox News
all 7,671 news articles »


Richmond

McCabe provides motivation for champs
Richmond
COLUMBUS, Ohio – Mason McCabe's two points Saturday were a lower total than the 10 he had during Thursday's semifinal victory. The motivation he and his family continued to be as big as ever. "Mason McCabe's brother is battling cancer. We've had kind ...

and more »


Red and Black

Hard to prove racial motivation behind bar dress code
Red and Black
It seems impossible to prove that these policies are racially motivated, but if they are, who is to blame? Is it the bouncers for making in-the-moment decisions, or are bar owners to blame for giving them prejudicial guidelines? Or are we as the public ...



Lifehacker Australia

The Four Motivation Types And How They Affect Your Habits
Lifehacker Australia
Questioners are motivated by reason and need to fully understand the expectation and feel it's justified. Obligers are people pleasers; they will do stuff for everyone else but not for themselves. Rebels resist expectations and work toward goals based ...

and more »


BIGGEST LOSER: Motivation for the future
SCNow
FLORENCE, S.C. — Florence's Biggest Loser contestants met with their life coach Robin Lewis for the last time Tuesday night. Lewis wanted to encourage them for the final push of the competition but more than that, wanted to show them that their ...

and more »


TBO.com

Rays reliever Balfour not lacking for motivation
TBO.com
Balfour's motivation to bounce back this season is fueled by the way his dad suffered during his final months, living longer than doctors thought he would, and by the memory of how David introduced Grant to baseball and helped mold a career that has ...

and more »


Huffington Post

Internal vs. External Motivation: How to Build an Exercise Routine You'll Stick To
Huffington Post
And the reason we enjoy it is highly dependent on where our motivation to run comes from. If you've ever struggled to stick to a fitness plan -- or any plan, really -- the solution could be as simple as channeling your motivation from the right source ...



azcentral.com

Arizona Coyotes' Cunningham has no shortage of motivation
azcentral.com
Forward Craig Cunningham is one of a handful of players currently with the Coyotes hoping to stand out enough to warrant a job offer after this season. Loading… Post to Facebook. Arizona Coyotes' Cunningham has no shortage of motivation Forward Craig ...



Irish Times

Germanwings crash: Focus on co-pilot's motivation
Irish Times
The investigation into the crash of Germanwings flight 9525 has shifted radically from possible technical or mechanical failure to the psychology of Andreas Lubitz, the 28-year-old German co-pilot whom the Marseille prosecutor Brice Robin yesterday ...

and more »


The Turlock Journal

Young authors receive motivation for literary futures
The Turlock Journal
“When you hear the word 'author' you may only associate it with adults, but what many people don't realize is that anyone with a love of writing and a lot of perseverance can become an author if they set their mind to it—no matter what age they are.”.


Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.