|The Lounge | Champions | The Wire | Schedule | Audio | Arcade | The Top Ten | Historical | Email | Video|
Motivation: 3 Keys to Lasting Change
David Bowie once sang, "Ch-ch-changes, tryin' to face the strain."
There are times in life when trying to change can be a strain. If you are like most folks, you have tried to change something in your life. And, like most folks, may have found yourself frustrated when you were unable to change. Perhaps it was a habit, an attitude, or some part of an important relationship. Whatever the issue, try as you might, you were not able to get the changes you wanted.
Welcome to the club, it's a big one.
Here's the really good news - you can get the changes you want! And it doesn't have to take years and years and cost hundreds or thousands of dollars, two of the more common myths about the process of change.
Here's a question - have you ever tried to open a ketchup bottle with a lizard? Of course not. The reason behind that rather odd question is to illustrate how frustrating and silly it is to try to do a job without the proper tools. My job in this column, and as a counselor, is simply to give you some of the tools that I have found useful in helping people get the changes they want in their lives.
Today we will look at three key tools for getting the changes you want, whether it's at work or home.
Focus on what you want, not what you don't want
What do the following statements have in common; "I want to stop smoking", "I want to stop yelling at my kids", "I've gotta stop working so hard", "I need to stop neglecting my marriage." One thing they have in common is they are all statements from clients, in the first session, when I ask them what they would like to be different about their lives. Another thing these statements have in common is that they all focus on what they don't want.
Why is that important? Well, think about it for a moment. When you first learned how to throw a ball, were you taught where to throw it to or where to not throw it? Another silly question, really. Of course you were taught to focus on where you wanted the ball to go.
In the same way, to achieve the changes you want, focus on what you want, not what you don't want. It's really not that difficult. In the examples above, all we need is a change in wording, which brings a change in focus.
Here's a sample of what I mean -
"I want to stop smoking" becomes "I want to be smoke free."
"I want to stop yelling at my kids" becomes "I want to manage my kids (and myself) better."
"I've gotta stop working so hard" becomes "I want to work smarter, not harder, and enjoy life more."
"I need to stop neglecting my marriage" becomes "I need to make my marriage a priority."
And so on.
Focus on one change at a time
Trying to change too many things at once dooms you to frustration at best, and failure at worst. You can end up like the side show at the circus. You know the one, where the guy is spinning several plates on a stick, and has to run around to keep them all spinning at once. Eventually, you wear out, quit, and all the plates come tumbling down.
When working on changes, especially at first, focus on one area of change at a time. As you get your "psychological feet" under you in one area, move on the next, and then the next, etc.
In this way, if you worked on one change a week for a year, that's 50 things you could change in a year, with two weeks off for vacation.
Aim for progress, not perfection.
Let's say you want to quit smok- oops, I mean become smoke free, for instance. You make it for six days, and then smoke one cigarette. It's important to remember that six days smoke free is progress. Go for six more and then build from there.
What you don't want to do is focus on the slip-up, and then give up in frustration. So many times we expect perfection from ourselves when we want to change. That's a sure set-up for failure.
Focus on the progress, even if it's one step up and two steps back. Keep going, and eventually you can get to 100 steps up and an occasional step back.
Focus on what you want, one change at a time, aim for progress. That's a three part prescription for successful change.
Thanks for reading, and keep the change.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Rangers star David Templeton admits cup final snub at Hearts is his motivation ... - Scottish Daily Record
3 Clever Ways To Stop Procrastinating
Stopping procrastination can be challenging, especially since you can't put it off until tomorrow! Most people who procrastinate did not do so overnight. Like any other bad habit, procrastination starts small and builds itself up.
Tips To Get Motivated and Overcome Procrastination
Procrastination is a complicated behavior that affects all people to some degree. Some experience only small problems with procrastination while with others, it is a major source of anxiety and stress.
14 Reasons To Get Motivated And Stay Motivated
Why should you bother to spend your valuable time to learn how to get motivated and stay motivated?Here´s why.Your quality of life will change dramatically when you take charge of how motivated you feel in any given moment.
Motivation By Daily Applause
One of our most powerful psychological needs is the craving to be appreciated by our fellow humans. Often the quickest way to receive the applause we desire is to keep working hard without it.
Know your Mission
One passage states "If you want to defeat them, distract them." Another reads "divide and conquer.
Speed Reading Technique
Four Brilliant Tips to Speed Read Faster than EverMany people, particularly students, would love to beable to take in information faster. However prior to retaininginformation, they've to go through the 1st stage oflearning, which is reading.
Allow me to start this with a quote:To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing. ~Eva Young"I'll do it tomorrow".
I'm back from Hawaii; it was ten days of physical and emotional mastery.We went from learning from twenty of the planets best speakers in their field, to being pushed physically with a fifty foot pole climb, and then,flying fifteen feet like a free bald eagle to a hanging trapeze.
Moving Beyond Your Comfort Zone
Many professionals have attained a high level of competence in their particular fields. They have learned a lot in their careers and they have a good sense of what works and what doesn't.
Motivation: 3 Keys to Lasting Change
David Bowie once sang, "Ch-ch-changes, tryin' to face the strain."There are times in life when trying to change can be a strain.
You are the Master of Your Destiny
Every thought of a human being is transformed as picture in everybody's mind.The picture transformed into your mind will be depending upon your thought.
How to Eat an Elephant
I recently returned from a wonderful vacation in the U.S.
Don't you just hate it when people make excuses for their failures? So do I. But do you know what I hate even more? Finding myself making excuses for my failures! I have a policy that I try to live by: No excuses.
Taking The Leap
Every four years, February gives us a whole 24 hours of bonus footage to add to our year. Many people take this opportunity to "do something special" with their extra day.
A Turning Point
19 years ago, I was a young working mother at 28, independent and working for a prestigious company, until circumstances made me choose between family and career. After going through weighing my options, I chose to become a full-time Homemaker because I believed that family should come first if the situation would permit.
Trust Your Intuition!
How many times have you been faced with a decision to make and all of a sudden you get this feeling of instinctively knowing what you must do? Something inside you is telling you the difference between what you should do and what you are meant to do. Many people interpret this as a hunch, a gut feeling or having an inkling.
How Self-Made Millionaires Overcome Procrastination
Do you want to know how the super successful overcome procrastination?One fascinating hallmark of all highly motivatedmillionaires is their strongly held conviction that theywill succeed. Whatever it takes and despite any challengesthat crop up.
Words That Inspire - CHOICE
What CHOICE do you want to make?Dictionary* says:the act of choosing, power of choosing, a person or thing chosen, the best part, care in selecting.What it REALLY means: making a commitment to what matters to you; acting on your priorities and your values; expressing to yourself and to others what you want and need in your life.
Playing With Mindfulness: Sneaking In The Back Door
I often meet people who say things like, "I've been working on mindfulness for over twenty years."My response is always this: "Oh, you poor thing! Have you tried *playing* with mindfulness? It's very effective, and much more fun!"They tend to look at me like I'm some kind of kook, and then ask the million-dollar question: "How can you play with mindfulness?" Glad you asked.
What Being Vs Doing Really Means
So often we hear about "being" rather than "doing." Often it's given as advice when we are overwhelmed, overworked and overstressed.
Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us
Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.