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Motivation: The Power of Asking

Very shortly, in this paragraph, I'm going to share with you how to get just about anything you want. I usually try to keep things very simple and useable.

However, this is a very complex and sophisticated psychological principle, so I want you to be well prepared for what I'm about to say.

Take a deep breath. Are you ready?

OK. Here's the basic principle for how to get just about anything you want in life -


"Oh man, c'mon! It can't be that easy, can it?"

Oh yes it can!

You just have to know how to ask.

Here's a suggestion. Go get the book, "The Aladdin Factor", by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, the authors of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series. It's a great little how to book, all about the power and strength of asking.

To be able to access the power and strength of asking, we need to be able to do at least two things;

1) Eliminate any barriers to asking, and

2) Learn how to ask.

Barriers to Asking

Knowledge of asking - The Eagles once sang, "So many times it happens, that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key." The first barrier to eliminate is simply ignorance about asking. This is one of those times where knowledge is power.

Permission to ask - Too many times we have this belief that it shows weakness to ask questions or to ask for something we want. For some reason, men seem to be genetically programmed to not be able to ask for help. Especially if it has to do with asking for directions. Here's a quick joke - "Why does it take a million sperm cells to fertilize one egg? Because the stubborn little guys won't stop and ask for directions!"

How to Ask

Ask for what you want, not for what you don't want - Now that sounds awfully obvious, but stop and think about it for a minute. If you are asking your spouse to stop yelling at you, your focus (and their's) is still on yelling. Asking to be spoken to in a more respectful, caring manner is not only asking for what you want, it's offering a few suggestions as well.

Ask clearly - In order to ask clearly, you have to first be clear on what you want. One way to do this is to get a clear picture in your mind of what you want. A fun and easy way to do this is to create a movie in your imagination of exactly what it is you want. Add as much detail as you can. Asking clearly allows you to.......

Ask specifically - If what you want is more money, it's fairly easy to get a clear picture of more money. But how much? I can hand you a dollar bill and you've got more money than before. I don't believe that's what you meant by more money, however.

Ask the right person - In a recent seminar on the BRAAVO Approach, a woman asked me an excellent question - "If I know what I want, but don't know what actions to take, what do I do?"

Great question.

The good news is you don't have to re-invent the wheel. Find someone who is doing or has done what you want to do, and then ask them a few questions, such as -

How do I get from where I am to where you are?What are three things I must do?What I three things must I avoid?

So here are some questions for your consideration -

If you could ask for anything you wanted, what would it be? Think in terms of relationships, career, financial, etc.What's stops you from asking for what you want?Who do you know that asks well? What could you learn from them?What have you not asked for in the past that you now regret?How might your life be different if you had asked?

Here's one more suggestion, and then I'll wrap this up. Knowing what you now know, what would you like to ask for in your life? Take a moment to reflect and get specific about what you might want. Now, ask for something even bigger and greater than that.

Visit for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.


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