|The Lounge | Champions | The Wire | Schedule | Audio | Arcade | The Top Ten | Historical | Email | Video|
Nothing More Than Feelings
"How are you Inventing Your Life Today?" - the lead story from my last issue of Power & Presence - drew comments from several readers. Most of the comments went something like: "I wish I could have the degree of control over my life that you apparently do."
I want to say, I wish I had the degree of control over my life that it apparently looks like I have.
Earlier this summer, several of my 20-something neighbors who live in the apartments next door had a long and lively conversation in their back yard, which lies just beneath our bedroom window - wide open on this particular warmish night. The conversation included beverages of one type or another (I hazarded some guesses), the containers for which, when drained, got thrown (loudly) into a recycle container. These antics took place between 2:30 and 3:30 A.M.
I debated for a while whether I should get up, dress, go next door, and have a conversation of my own. After tossing and turning for about 15 minutes, I decided to communicate through my open window. I got up, and - I believe in a fairly centered way - called out: "Quiet, please." They heard me, I think, since their voices quieted a bit. And while the cans continued to go into the recycles, they did so with perhaps a bit less energy.
But the damage was done, the horse out of the barn. What were my chances of getting back to sleep? I tossed and turned for another half-hour but couldn't find my way back. I got up, walked the house, muttered oaths to myself, and finally began to notice light dawning and birds chirping around 4:45. I lay down again and dozed intermittently between 5 and 8, and eventually got out of bed to face the day, tired, depleted, and still angry.
I remembered my story about "Inventing Your Life," and its theme about the meta-communicator being the padding between my feelings and me. There wasn't much padding after a sleepless night. I talked to my husband. I honored my feelings. I even appreciated my neighbors' cluelessness. I mean they're young adults having a summer outdoor party. Okay, it IS the middle of the night, but I may have done similar stuff at that age. But in spite of my best efforts at reclaiming equanimity, I mostly gave myself a pretty hard time about the fact that I'd written that story. Here I was having FEELINGS. I can help others better manage their emotions, so why couldn't I manage my own? Why couldn't I make them go away?
I re-read my story. It helped. I didn't say I wasn't supposed to HAVE feelings, I said I was supposed to be able to be aware enough to notice them and ride their waves. I said I wanted to make behavior choices based on my better instincts instead of acting out the emotion in unconstructive ways. I guessed that I had done that with my partying neighbors. I hadn't been mean-spirited or behaved reactively.
In those moments of upset, I comprehended experientially that centering doesn't take emotions away. On the mat of life, as in aikido, the attack will come. It may come from the outside (my noisy neighbors) or the inside (strong feelings). How will I manage the energy? Will I freeze, fight, fall over, or move in toward the energy and use it wisely? I can be centered and upset. I hope, in fact, I am centered when I'm upset. When I'm centered I will hold the emotional energy differently.
In time, as they always do, the feelings died down and transformed, much like the thunderstorm that also passed through that night. By afternoon I was on the actual aikido mat and back to feelings I enjoy having in my body. "Inventing Your Life" is pretty accurate. The option to have or not have feelings is not under my control (at least not yet). The ones I had that night and early morning were not pleasant or wanted, and I could not MAKE them go away. All I could do was sit with them, watch them move through body, mind, and spirit, talk about them to caring friends, and care for myself while I was having them.
Soon I will be laughing about that night. (I already am.)
And soon I will have a longer conversation with my neighbors - in the daylight, when we're all centered, open to dialogue, and able to talk about how we want to live next door to one another.
Center does not equal an absence of emotion. Center equals presence with emotion. I am not a bad person because I have strong feelings. Feelings just are; they can in fact control us, or with some watching, waiting and positive intention, we can engage and direct their energy with awareness and purpose.
© 2005 Judy Ringer, Power & Presence Training
About the Author: Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a more positive work environment. Judy is also a black belt in aikido, and is writing her first book on the connection between aikido, conflict, and living a more purposeful life. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com
Note: You're welcome to reprint this article as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the 'about the author' info at the end).
Decorah finds motivation in 2014 tennis loss - The Gazette: Eastern Iowa Breaking News and Headlines (blog)
Hurry Up And Procrastinate
I've been meaning to write this column, but I keep putting it off. There always seems to be something better or more important or easier to write about.
How to Get Up on a Down Day
One of the major obstacles to achieving goals is losing the motivation necessary to finish them. Many times the initial surge of energy is lost after the reality of hard work or set backs sets in.
Motivation-- The Key Is In Your Actions
Have you ever read something like this as a "way to increase motivation"? :"When you open your eyes get yourself excited to be awake each new day !! Joy is contagious, and so is pessimism! Tell yourself you're happy to be alive!. This might be the day you find love.
Motivation: The Power of Action, Part 1
I've heard it said that 85% of success is showing up. While that's true, in the words of radio commentator Paul Harvey, here's the rest of the story.
Why Now Is The Perfect Moment For You To Succeed
Let´s discover the importance of balancing preparation, timing and momentum. It´s critical if you want to finally beat procrastination.
The Conversation of Recovery - Part One
Transformational Counseling is all about assisting another human being to live a life that they love and to live it powerfully. Transformational Counseling is about creating a space for others to learn how to transform their lives, to live a life differently from how it was in the past, to truly create what they desire.
Achieving Your Dreams
Have you achieved your dreams? Dreams are an important part of our lives and should not be ignored. Our dreams inspire us to achieve unbelievable deeds, create stunning works of art, bring to life the impossible and give us hope and strength to look toward tomorrow with optimism and determination.
Success Secrets - Achieving Ultimate Success
I hope you're having an AWESOME week!Let me first say that Lou & I really enjoy getting all the feedback and suggestions from you. It's fantastic stuff.
Make The Most Of Today
"Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do and you've done it!" - Margaret Thatcher (Former British Prime Minister)"Ah! But today is the only day you are alive.
The Best Day Of My Life
Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever!There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did! And because I did, I'm going to celebrate! Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make me stronger.I will go through this day with my head held high and a happy heart.
Live Life with Gusto
Life is a gift; live it with gusto everyday. Don't worry about the future because most of what you worry about never happens.
Finding Direction: Finding Passion Series - 2 of 3
In order to find the right direction for ourselves, we have to do some soul searching. What is it I want to accomplish? Why? What kind of person do I want to become? Is it so weird to be in our thirties or forties and ask ourselves, "So, what do I want to be when I grow up?" What would make us jump out of bed excited and motivated to get the day started? Before getting into these big questions, we need to find out the roots behind our decisions.
The Time To Start Working On Your Dream is Now - Not Later
Most of us are hesitant to start anything because we are afraid we might make a mistake or fail. Go ahead make mistakes! Don't wait for more experience or to be good enough to start.
Are You in Touch With Your Inner M?
"M" is for Motivation.What motivates you to do a good job?Is it a sense of achievement?Recognition for a job well done?Helping people?Desire for responsibility?Solving problems?Making more money?You should give some thought to what motivates you to do your job better and allows you to feel a real sense of job satisfaction.
Growing Out of Your Comfort Zone
It has been said that "if you are not growing, you're dying." As human beings, we are on a constant journey called life.
A Perfect World ... Imbalance Creates Motivation
I am a big proponent of balance. Everything has to be just so.
MY FOUR-MINUTE DANCING CAREERA few years ago, I decided to pursue my dream of being a dancer. I was 37 years old and being a dancer was on my list of things to do before I die, so I thought I'd better get cracking before osteoporosis or some other age-related malady took hold of my body.
Life Issues Pt.2 - Against All Odds
Against all odds. I think that should be the motto of every person that is striving to be successful.
Motivation, Your Core Resource
Your motivation is one of the core resources you have to accomplish all the things you want to achieve.Let us get one thing clear though before we handle this resource called motivation.
Stop Squeaking! Align Yourself for Business Success!
Even for a remarkable business owner like you, from time to time, you may still loose motivation in continuing the expansion of a service or product line. At time, you may seem to have a hard time figuring out why this once fantastic business that got you so excited every morning is making you feel like a heavy weight now.
Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us
Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.