Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

Discover The Upside of Anger


Most of us are prone to anger! As we grow older, a certain degree of control keeps us in check, but the pot is on simmer and the lid is loosely fixed. An unexpected jolt, or a sudden increase in heat will nearly always result in a boiling cauldron.

Recently we had a couple come to us for help. They had been married for only three weeks. With arms folded, one sat at one end of the couch and the other at the other end. They were very angry; ready to end the marriage there and then!

Child and spouse abuse is rarely a premeditated thing; in most cases it follows a situation where anger pushes aside common sense and lashes out at the first thing it sees. Tragically, that 'first thing' is often a loved one.

In order to help this couple we had to find out what caused them to be so angry with each other. Both of them displayed the very thing that we believe is the root cause of not all, but a lot of anger. Fear!

Fear is a close relative of anger

Perhaps that is a foreign concept to you. Neither the husband nor wife could see the root cause of their anger until we were able to point it out to them. Anger seems to do that to you. It blinds you from the truth! It causes you to look for someone else to blame. I always say once you are able to see and own the real cause of your problem you are over half way to solving it.

Sometimes fears hide themselves and you have to look closer. For example a man likes to succeed, right? Push his buttons and see if he doesn't react as a result of a fear of failure.

A woman likes to be affirmed, right? Push her buttons and see if she isn't deep down afraid of rejection. Come on, we all like to be accepted whether it is through what we do or how we look.

In the husband's case he had been married twice before and both times he had lost a lot of money. Fear of it happening again was the root cause of his outbursts of anger.

Of course, those sudden flare-ups of temper, while destructive enough, are not the most vicious forms of anger. Much more deadly is the "controlled burn", the seething crater of hatred and spite contained within the heart and fed daily with fresh accusations, either real or imagined. Given the right set of circumstances, one might lash out and in the process bring hurt where none was intended.

In the Bible the apostle Paul spoke not of the possibility of anger, but of what to do in its presence. "Go ahead and be angry", he said in Ephesians 4:26. "But don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry, and don't go to bed angry." (The Message)

If we are very hurt and very angry, our anger can overcome us - like the couple that came for help. What do we do then? Although there is much written on anger management I feel the most important of all is to forgive the person who has hurt you and deal with the cause of your anger.

Why is it important to forgive when you have been wronged?

Forgiveness releases you

In the Bible Jesus said: "Forgive and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37). The literal translation of this Bible verse is 'release and you will be released'.

If you really forgive someone, you no longer blame that person, even though they may be blameworthy. If you do not blame a person, you cannot resent them. If you do not resent them you cannot hold any bitterness in your heart. If you do not hold bitterness then you do not get all emotionally tied up with anger and hate towards that person.

Forgiveness is a Choice

In Biblical terms, forgiveness is the loving, voluntary cancellation of a debt. It is like when someone 'owes' you, but you choose to cancel the debt. (Matthew 18:24-43)

It does not matter how long ago the hurtful event occurred, how wrong they are or how many times we are hurt. The Bible says we must forgive them so God can bless and forgive us. "If you forgive others their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you your sins."

Do not use the excuse that you are waiting until you feel like forgiving or until they ask for forgiveness - it will probably never happen. It only hurts you if you continue to let your emotions rule your life. Forgiveness is a choice!

Deal with the root cause of anger

As mentioned earlier we all have expectations in life, whether it be to succeed or be accepted. When these are blocked we can become frustrated and angry. Several things can trigger anger, but they may not necessarily be the real cause of your outbursts. A good doctor or counselor will be able to help you understand what is the root cause of your anger.

As mentioned, there is a definite link between fear and anger. What can I do about it once my fears are recognized?

The moment I began a personal relationship with God and became his child I was allowed to enjoy all the privileges a child would receive. I had his love. God has promised that his love will drive fear away. "Where God's love is, there is no fear, because God's perfect love drives fear out." (1 John 4:18)

By allowing God to fill you with his love you too can conquer your fears. Whether it is a fear of failure or fear of rejection you can be secure in his love knowing that he will help you to succeed and meet your deep inner needs if you allow him.

International traveller, author, and speaker, Wilma Watson has been helping people overcome life's challenges for over 35 years. Her encouraging words have helped thousands reach their full potential. Wilma is the producer of a unique website that makes spirituality fun and simple. Visit her site at http://www.ydyc.org


MORE RESOURCES:

Wetmore: Digging in on one small point Molitor made about motivation
1500 ESPN
Paul Molitor said something about motivation on Friday that I think should resonate. First, the context. Then I'll explain why I like his quote. Molitor was asked before Friday's game against the Rays if he was close with Red Sox manager John Farrell ...

and more »


Tallahassee.com

Florida State using Oregon loss as motivation during offseason
Tallahassee.com
They're using it as motivation. "I think some of these guys have watched it, but they don't like that image of themselves," Fisher said. "And I think anytime you're a competitor, you always do that. You want to flush it, move on and go prove that wasn ...

and more »


When Motivation Fails
The Jewish Press
But, those children who are truly struggling will not be motivated by the regular motivation techniques that parents and teachers use. After all, that is like flicking your ear at a squirrel and expecting him to understand that there is a fresh patch ...



Toronto Sun

Motivation remains for Maple Leafs: Phaneuf
Toronto Sun
With the trade deadline behind them, the Maple Leafs are essentially left to play out the string on the 2014-15 NHL season. But that string is 17 games long, leaving the remaining players to seek whatever motivation they can find to both get through it ...
Maple Leafs return home in search of motivation to finish lost seasonThe Globe and Mail
Leafs home in search of motivation to finish lost seasonWaterloo Record
Leafs search for motivation to finish lost seasonWindsor Star (blog)

all 133 news articles »


NJ.com

Poems, tales and motivation at wellness center in Bernards
NJ.com
BERNARDS TOWNSHIP — Glenis Redmond, a performance poet and artist-in-residence at the State Theatre in New Brunswick, will perform at the Somerset County Senior Wellness Center on March 12 at 12:30 p.m.. The show is an "informance," consisting ...



oregon.247sports.com

Seminoles Use Rose Bowl Loss as Motivation in Off-Season
oregon.247sports.com
For any sport, when a season ends the off-season is a time to improve and reflect on the events of the past. Get better at areas of weakness, learn from areas of mistake and progress from areas of success. But what does a team that went almost two ...

and more »


PsychCentral.com (blog)

5 Steps to Increase Motivation
PsychCentral.com (blog)
For many of my clients, they are referring to not having the motivation to perform basic life responsibilities such as paying bills, cleaning the house, making calls, and taking care of their health. When do they get motivated? When they are in the ...



Patheos (blog)

Finding Motivation and the Temptation of Escapism
Patheos (blog)
When it comes to Lent, there comes a point where the motivation to keep our resolutions is just not there. There's a reason that there's this imagery of a desert during this time of year. Granted, the closest thing I ever got to the desert was living ...



Business 2 Community

Fostering Motivation & Self-Sufficiency With Ongoing eLearning
Business 2 Community
Fuel motivation and self-sufficiency with eLearning. We've said it before, and we'll say it again. Learning doesn't stop when training ends. One-and-done training isn't effective. Learning needs to be continuous in order to successfully impart ...



Around the Foghorn

Hunter Pence's injury gives San Francisco Giants motivation
Around the Foghorn
The San Francisco Giants learned Thursday that Hunter Pence will begin the season on the disabled list, due to a fractured left forearm, officially listed as a nondisplaced ulnar fracture. Expected to miss six to eight weeks, Pence will be able to ...

and more »

Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.