|The Lounge | Champions | The Wire | Schedule | Audio | Arcade | The Top Ten | Historical | Email | Video|
Discover The Upside of Anger
Most of us are prone to anger! As we grow older, a certain degree of control keeps us in check, but the pot is on simmer and the lid is loosely fixed. An unexpected jolt, or a sudden increase in heat will nearly always result in a boiling cauldron.
Recently we had a couple come to us for help. They had been married for only three weeks. With arms folded, one sat at one end of the couch and the other at the other end. They were very angry; ready to end the marriage there and then!
Child and spouse abuse is rarely a premeditated thing; in most cases it follows a situation where anger pushes aside common sense and lashes out at the first thing it sees. Tragically, that 'first thing' is often a loved one.
In order to help this couple we had to find out what caused them to be so angry with each other. Both of them displayed the very thing that we believe is the root cause of not all, but a lot of anger. Fear!
Fear is a close relative of anger
Perhaps that is a foreign concept to you. Neither the husband nor wife could see the root cause of their anger until we were able to point it out to them. Anger seems to do that to you. It blinds you from the truth! It causes you to look for someone else to blame. I always say once you are able to see and own the real cause of your problem you are over half way to solving it.
Sometimes fears hide themselves and you have to look closer. For example a man likes to succeed, right? Push his buttons and see if he doesn't react as a result of a fear of failure.
A woman likes to be affirmed, right? Push her buttons and see if she isn't deep down afraid of rejection. Come on, we all like to be accepted whether it is through what we do or how we look.
In the husband's case he had been married twice before and both times he had lost a lot of money. Fear of it happening again was the root cause of his outbursts of anger.
Of course, those sudden flare-ups of temper, while destructive enough, are not the most vicious forms of anger. Much more deadly is the "controlled burn", the seething crater of hatred and spite contained within the heart and fed daily with fresh accusations, either real or imagined. Given the right set of circumstances, one might lash out and in the process bring hurt where none was intended.
In the Bible the apostle Paul spoke not of the possibility of anger, but of what to do in its presence. "Go ahead and be angry", he said in Ephesians 4:26. "But don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry, and don't go to bed angry." (The Message)
If we are very hurt and very angry, our anger can overcome us - like the couple that came for help. What do we do then? Although there is much written on anger management I feel the most important of all is to forgive the person who has hurt you and deal with the cause of your anger.
Why is it important to forgive when you have been wronged?
Forgiveness releases you
In the Bible Jesus said: "Forgive and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37). The literal translation of this Bible verse is 'release and you will be released'.
If you really forgive someone, you no longer blame that person, even though they may be blameworthy. If you do not blame a person, you cannot resent them. If you do not resent them you cannot hold any bitterness in your heart. If you do not hold bitterness then you do not get all emotionally tied up with anger and hate towards that person.
Forgiveness is a Choice
In Biblical terms, forgiveness is the loving, voluntary cancellation of a debt. It is like when someone 'owes' you, but you choose to cancel the debt. (Matthew 18:24-43)
It does not matter how long ago the hurtful event occurred, how wrong they are or how many times we are hurt. The Bible says we must forgive them so God can bless and forgive us. "If you forgive others their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you your sins."
Do not use the excuse that you are waiting until you feel like forgiving or until they ask for forgiveness - it will probably never happen. It only hurts you if you continue to let your emotions rule your life. Forgiveness is a choice!
Deal with the root cause of anger
As mentioned earlier we all have expectations in life, whether it be to succeed or be accepted. When these are blocked we can become frustrated and angry. Several things can trigger anger, but they may not necessarily be the real cause of your outbursts. A good doctor or counselor will be able to help you understand what is the root cause of your anger.
As mentioned, there is a definite link between fear and anger. What can I do about it once my fears are recognized?
The moment I began a personal relationship with God and became his child I was allowed to enjoy all the privileges a child would receive. I had his love. God has promised that his love will drive fear away. "Where God's love is, there is no fear, because God's perfect love drives fear out." (1 John 4:18)
By allowing God to fill you with his love you too can conquer your fears. Whether it is a fear of failure or fear of rejection you can be secure in his love knowing that he will help you to succeed and meet your deep inner needs if you allow him.
International traveller, author, and speaker, Wilma Watson has been helping people overcome life's challenges for over 35 years. Her encouraging words have helped thousands reach their full potential. Wilma is the producer of a unique website that makes spirituality fun and simple. Visit her site at http://www.ydyc.org
Action vs. Apathy - Feeling Powerless? Get Moving!
How many times have you felt truly defeated by the circumstances in your life? You know, the "I don't know why I bother to keep trying, I'm going back to bed and staying there" feeling. It happens to everyone - housewives, corporate executives, rock stars, actors, world leaders.
Your Most Important Opportunity says a top UK Personal Development Coach
For some people this article will turn out to be one of the most important things they've ever read.I say this because some people are ready to get to grips with life.
Get Things Done: Take 21!
Ever begin doing something that you do for a few days, and then simply stop doing it?For example, let's say you promised yourself that you were going to file papers immediately before they got out of hand, but then something else came up, and the next thing you knew, you had another pile of papers that needed to be filed.Or perhaps, on January 1 you made a vow to yourself to exercise for 20 minutes every day.
How To Overcome Procrastination Quickly And Easily
Maybe it is time to discover a new way to overcome procrastination and get motivated.When a deadline looms you need a quick and easy way to start making some progress and beat procrastination.
A Quick Observation of the Low Class
We can all learn a valuable lesson about the types of behavior and attitudes to avoid like the plague, simply by observing the characteristics of people we all know are low class. Being low class is not a function of the lack of money or social status.
Planting Seeds of Action
Recently, I was driving past a local nursery and saw a sign that said, "Fall Is For Planting." As I drove, the idea on the sign was gnawing away at me.
A Simple Motivation Technique For Massive Success
Want to hear about a simple & effective motivation technique? It´ll help you get motivated and stay motivated.Do you want to know the key to beating procrastination andachieving much more?Let me tell you how I discovered the secret to achievingmassive success.
3 Great Ways to Beat Procrastination at Work
As more tasks become automated due to advances in technology there is a general expectation, whether it is realistic or not, that productivity should increase as well.Everyone seems to have more work than can possibly be done in a day and this pressure can result in feelings of being overwhelmed which in turn leads to procrastination at work which can actually decrease productivity if not properly managed.
The Dawn On The Nile Valley Has Secrets To Tell! (3)
Me and Mao Tse-Tung!My first political experience was with Mao Tse-Tung 1968-69.That was exactly before the second Sudanese military dictator Ga'far Numeri took over power through his coup d'etat in May 25, 1969.
Clear Thinking - Ten Ways
Does your mind sometimes feel like a television station you can't quite tune in? You know there's an interesting program on - or several, but everything is mixed with static. What if you could "tune in" at will, have clear thinking whenever you want it? Try some of the following.
Life Doesnt Have A Sell By Date
Or does it?Best on or before?..
Dont Just Hope - Decide!
As the story goes, a single college-age guy went to the airport one day to pick up a friend. As he waited for his friend to come off the plane, he noticed a man hurrying through the crowd, calling to the woman and two children standing next to him.
Persistence will carve you as a leader in your industry. Persistence is where you get mental strength.
The Art of Scripting Your Life
Writing a 'life script' is like writing a movie script. You need to create a feeling, evoke emotional responses and create the scenarios.
A Resolution for Excellence
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
If It Feels Good, It Must Be Right
Copyright © 2003 Priya Shah Is it possible to motivate yourself to do something you don't enjoy doing? Let me illustrate with my own example. I'm not a natural networker.
Going The Extra Mile
There is one sure way to get what you want in life, but few people actually do it. Put this practice firmly into your day to day business activities and you will have an advantage over the rest of the crowd.
Courage Is A Gift
"It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. -Epictetus, the 1st Century Greek PhilosopherCourage is daring to be? Brave.
Who Is Stuart Goldsmith?
'Stuart Goldsmith? Who is Stuart Goldsmith?' you may be asking.I met Stuart at his retirement seminar in London at the end of 2002.
Dont You Quit!
"A man who has nothing to die for is not fit to live." -Martin LutherYou sat in that secret corner of your room.
Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us
Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.