Resistance Is Natural - but Not Helpful - in Times of Change
Here are five feelings we all experience in changing times. Check these out for yourself by thinking about times when you were experiencing significant life change, either personal or professional.
1. We feel that our personal security is being threatened;
2. Our conventional expectations are disrupted;
3. Strong "out-of-control" feelings want to take over;
4. Awkwardness and embarrassment occur; and
5. We feel fear that we look foolish - that we're "flailing around."Resistance is normal any time change is occurring, because none of us like these feelings, and yet we all feel them. And the feelings are usually directly proportional to the degree and rapidity of the change that's being asked of us.
In a way, change is a kind of death, because it involves a loss of what has been familiar -- often for a long time. This is true whether or not the change is positive or negative. A terrific new job, for instance, means that an old, familiar job will be lost. A divorce may involve many losses simultaneously - spouse, children, a life style, standing in the community, a home, and so forth.
Don't discount the significance of these losses.
A very important way of looking at resistance is that it isn't something to avoid...it's something to recognize, to pay attention to, to take responsibility for, and to talk about with another person. Unfortunately, many people squash their feelings and thoughts, pretending that things are just going along as usual.
It's far more productive to fully admit the importance of the circumstances, to recognize the losses involved. And if you can find someone else to talk with who's already gone through it, you'll find yourself being supported, because that person has been there, knows what it feels like, and has come out the other side.
Taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, and doing the things that honor the underlying emotions that spring from change, will serve you well. The good news is that after a time, your feelings will change and you will begin to move from resistance to the exploration of alternatives.It may be helpful to give you a shot at whatever's going on with you right now. In fact, what's coming up right now may be a reflection of exactly what brought you to the decision to read this article.
On a plain piece of paper jot down these items, then write your answers.
· Item #1: Think about a change (or possible change) in your life. List some of the reasons you feel resistant to this change.
· Item #2: Now list whatever specific ways you can think of to overcome your resistance.
· Item #3: What other thoughts, ideas and feelings are you experiencing right now?
Now, here's what I want you to do with this work. Put aside the paper you've been writing on. Forget it...until tomorrow. Then, look at it again. Ask yourself a couple of questions:
- "Have my reasons changed?"
- "Can I think of any new ways to overcome both old and new feelings?"
Write down your answers, and go do the rest of your day.Do this each day for a week and see what happens!
Copyright 2002, 2005 Optimum Performance Associates/Paul McNeese.Paul McNeese is CEO of Optimum Performance Associates, a consulting firm specializing in transitional and transformational change for individuals and institutions through publication. His publishing company, OPA Publishing, is an advocacy for self-publishing authors of informational, instructional, inspirational and insightful nonfiction. Email: [email protected]Websites: http://www.opapublishing.com and http://www.opapresents.com
Are You an Achiever or are You an EXCUSIOLOGIST?
It would be a fairly safe bet that if you are reading this article then you are on the lookout for something more in your life than what you already have.Whether you are searching for a new business, a new opportunity, a part-time income or even a lotto system it all stems from one source - dissatisfaction of present circumstances.
The Loneliness of Personal Growth
The cream rises to the top. That means that it separates itself from the milk.
Five Great Ideas From Aristotle
It was Socrates who said that the purpose of philosophy is to help each of us become "an excellent human". That seems like a respectable and reasonable big-picture goal for every person on the planet.
Ten Major Causes of Failure
-Lack of a specific purpose in life. You can not hope to succeed in any field of your life if you don't have a central purpose.
Making A Lot Out Of A Little - Use It Or Lose It
"Making a lot out of a little"Ever noticed how some individuals can make a little problem go a long way? Similarly, some folk can make a huge challenge seem somewhat insignificant.This is a life principle that actually determines whether we are a "little" or a "lot" person.
Motivation By Spring Cleaning
Spring cleaning is a great motivator. Why confine it to Spring?It is arguable that we should not only give gifts at Christmas and make resolutions at the New Year.
Book Summary: Self Motivation
Gail Lindenfield is a well-known British author who has written several self-help books. In Self Motivation, she does a good job of going over many aspects of self development and she provides solutions to a variety of everyday problems.
9 Great Ways To Change Your Life By Changing Your Motivation Style
If you are not as productive as you'd like or tend to procrastinate, you can become motivated by changing your personal style. The trick lies in making the activities you put off more interesting, easier, and less unpleasant.
7 Stepping-stones to Career Growth and Excellence
Achieving excellence in our work is an integral part of feeling genuinely satisfied in life. We want our careers or businesses to blossom, making us financially secure and content with our achievements.
Getting Started is the Toughest Part of the Job
One of the most challenging things about starting on a new project, goal or task usually isn't the planning, the thinking about it and the mapping it out. It is the doing! Actually taking the first step is often the most difficult part of any new endeavor.
Hurry Up And Procrastinate
I've been meaning to write this column, but I keep putting it off. There always seems to be something better or more important or easier to write about.
Where do you want to be in a year? In five years? In ten years? Is what you're doing now -- the way you're living, your friends, your habits, your focus -- Are all of these things moving you in the direction of your goals? How does it look?Are your habits the kinds of habits that the person you're going to be in two years would have? Are your friends or associates, or whatever you call the people you hang out with the types of people the you you're going to be in five years will want to know and be with?What about the things your mind gets hung up on? Your focus. Do you even know what your focus is?If you and I were sitting together right now (and pretend we are) What would your answer be if I asked you where you're going? What are you focused on accomplishing or achieving? You are certainly focused on something.
Breaking Through Resistance
Why is it that every time you start something new, a million and one things get in the way?You make a goal to lose weight and all of a sudden every time you go to the store you seem to notice the chocolate you've been craving.Or you decide to start a writing project but every time you sit down to write - you're stuck, you don't have any inspiration.
For Those Who Have Suffered!
As one who has suffered from the long, term effects of trauma I feel compelled to share some experience and hope with those who seek to heal themselves and create true quality of life.First there must be a desire for change.
I'm back from Hawaii; it was ten days of physical and emotional mastery.We went from learning from twenty of the planets best speakers in their field, to being pushed physically with a fifty foot pole climb, and then,flying fifteen feet like a free bald eagle to a hanging trapeze.
How to Use Discouragement to Motivate Yourself
Ever feel like giving up? Do you ever feel so discouraged that even one more day of frustration will be too much too handle?Everyone gets discouraged at times only there are a number of key differences between people who keep on going and those who give up:1 Focus On Your Goal Not On Your ProblemsOne of my mentors is a highly successful property developer and he loves solving problems. All day long he can take on one problem after the next and just keep going.
The Top 10 Ways to Overcome Procrastination
When a person is bored or uninterested, certain tasks and projects can seem like torture! This feeling usually leads to procrastination, and procrastination often leads to guilt. Here are some practical ways to avoid these situations and overcome procrastination:1.
A Woman's Road To True Beauty
We live in a world where society dictates the norm. In today's society, beauty becomes so stringent that many women develop distorted views of body images and become frustrated at not being able to obtain the "ideal figure.
Five Ways to Expand Your Comfort Zone
Expanding your comfort zone isn't quite the same as building self-confidence. However, the two do fit together rather nicely.
How to Stay Motivated Until You Get What You Want
And somehow you knew how to stay motivated..