|
|
      |
| The Lounge | Champions | The Wire | Schedule | Audio | Arcade | The Top Ten | Historical | Email | Video |
|
|
|
| The Lounge | Champions | The Wire | Schedule | Audio | Arcade | The Top Ten | Historical | Email | Video |
 |
If You Are Rejected!
This article exemplifies the inner working of emotional intelligence. Effectively working through one tough situation at a time can build our emotional competence... dealing with rejection is one such tough situation. This article fits under Goleman's second level EQ: Self-management (as I manage my own emotions inside of rejection) AND under Goleman's third level EQ: Social Competence (as I use empathy to understand the rejecter. If You Are Rejected There are billions of people across the globe, not everyone will accept you. Accept you, yes, here I mean, accepting you, as you are what you are. All did not accept even people like Gandhi, Lincoln, and Mother Teresa, to name a few. There are thousands of people in the CTI community, not all will read this write-up, many will put this in the trash-box, some will simply reject the thought and some other will disagree with my opinion and thought process and only few will reply to me and will give constructive feedback. There are many phases and occasions in life where you may get rejected: 1) Rejection by prospective employer- you know it, you might have faced numerous interviews to get selected in one. 2) Rejection by family- these days we are hearing many cases of disowning the parents and/or children that is why there are so many old-age homes. 3) Rejection by spouse- there are many divorce cases pending in various courts. 4) Rejection by friends-in a group of more than two people not everyone will accept you. 5) Rejection by society- if you are not following the rigid rules and customs of society?they will reject you. Facing Rejection When we feel the blow of major rejection-the betrayal of a close friend, a wound from a family member, the unfaithfulness of a mate-we may wonder if we'll ever find someone who will love us again. As we try to make sense of our pain, we can be tempted to respond to rejection in destructive ways: ? Self-contempt means we take the full responsibility for the failure of the relationship. We wonder, What is it about me that causes people to leave me? Is there something so repulsive that no one can love me? ? Contempt for others holds others fully responsible for the downfall of the relationship. We view them as evil. We write them off with, "It's all their fault." ? Contempt for God blames Him for our pain. We reason that if He is in control of our lives and He loves us, He should have protected us from this heartbreaking experience. At first, contempt for ourselves, others, and God seems to work well. It helps us maintain the façade that we have everything under control because we have "explained" the reason for the pain. But any form of contempt is not the answer. The more self-critical you are, the less you'll be able to tolerate comments you perceive as negative from your partner. Not surprisingly, therefore, the end of a relationship that wasn't your decision can be tough. Often, the severest self-critics had a childhood in which there was so much chaos or other diversions in the family that the quiet child who made no fuss was ignored and, as a result, felt invisible. Or perhaps the child grew up in an authoritarian home environment where an iron rule was imposed on the household by at least one of the caregivers. Either of these situations can cause a child to become highly self-critical as an adult. Both invisibility and abundant disapproval become equated with not being good enough because a person learns to vigilantly self-monitor his or her actions to keep the peace (and avoid harm). Now, that you are rejected?what to do next! Reframe rejection as a blessing in disguise. Ask yourself: What do I gain by not having this person in my life? What adjustments was I making to accommodate her/his idiosyncrasies? What do I no longer have to put up with that I disliked while we were together? What freedoms did I forego to meet him/her more than halfway? Consider writing your answers in your journal or diary. The more you discover about what isn't a good match, the better you can develop your own assessment about what kind of person is. Rather than wallow in payback, take time to reflect and ask yourself insight-provoking questions, such as: "What did I learn from this experience? What am I going to do differently next time?" Like your successes, relationships that didn't go well can be equally valuable -- if only to teach you what to avoid. Finally, realize that each person walking away from a relationship is experiencing a loss. Allow yourself to grieve. You need comforting. And while you're at it, be kind to yourself and take some time to make yourself feel better. It doesn't have to be a day at the spa or a night on the town (or the prowl), although it could be. Perhaps it's a good time to take a vacation to somewhere completely unlike where you live. As you rack up frequent flier miles, you'll gain emotional distance and perhaps a healthier perspective for a fresh start when you return. Conclusion: If you are rejected, it doesn't mean that you are not good or there is some flaw in you, only thing is that your thoughts are not in line with the person on other side. It is just a difference of opinion. Like success and failure; happiness and sadness; we also have acceptance and rejections. You're a natural born flyer--the world's one-and- only "you." The magic feather of "belief" is the mind's way of remembering what is already true. Here is one poem, in Hindi: Kabhi kissi ke liye koi nahi rukta; Looking for to your feedback and replies, provided if you accepting my thoughts. Regards Sanjeev Sharma
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Five Ways to Stand Out from the Crowd Some people are content to just to be another face in the crowd. By assuming this attitude, they are saying, in effect, to the rest of the world, I'm just average; there's nothing special about me. The P Word... Procrastination A problem many of us are familiar with. Its showing up in your work environment interfering with your daily life?. About That Dream... About that Dream.. I Should Be Doing... But...? What a perfect fall Saturday morning, clear sunny blue sky, with a crisp breeze blowing. It's just the one I've been waiting for to begin that yearly regimen, Fall Clean Up. The Answer Is The Question ... Asking The Right Questions! We all have questions about our lives, directions, and destinies. It is the curiosity of the unknown that intrigues us to ask of the future. What Makes a Champion? Imagine for a moment that you are a champion. You are the best in your town . How To Get Through A Bad Day No matter how hard you try to make them otherwise, some days are just awful. They start off bad, they never get any better, and they end on a low and sometimes even gloomier note. Are You Still Stuck on Still? Are you still "stuck on still?" If so, don't let fear, doubt or disappointment rob you of your future, or keep you from your desires. Instead, see yourself as the person that you want to become. Be Action-Oriented Are you a melancholic online business owner by nature? I have something to tell you.In case you do not know what melancholy is, a melancholic person is someone who has a very detailed attitude. Motivation: No Finish LInes There is a saying that goes something like "getting to the top is easy, the hard thing is staying there once you get there."There's a reason the above statement is so true. Ideas Abound - But Youve Got to Take Action Whether you are aware of it or not, we are all blessed with any number of wonderful ideas at virtually any given moment. What happens far too often however is that we ponder for a bit about the idea. Raising The Bar One of the most popular events in the Olympics is the pole vault event. We all watch with amazement and anticipation as the competitor runs full speed down the track with a long pole in his hands. Overcoming the Fear of Getting Started Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. 10 Ways to Overcome Procrastination: The Challenge for Tomorrow! Did you realize that as much as 47% of the time we spend on-line has nothing whatsoever to do with our work? In 1978 15% of the population stated that they do procrastinate somewhat. Only 1% admitted to chronic procrastination. Taking Responsibility Taking action about our current station in life involves taking responsibility for our current state of affairs. When we acknowledge that we are the main culprits with regards to where we are now, we will more likely take responsibility for creating the future we desire. The Doomsday Device ... The physical Brain In Action Our physical brains quickly and easily handle mundane sequences of operations, or processes without question. It repeats processes like a machine: A»B»C». Comment on Extra Ordinary Men of Our Time Remember during the missions of Apollo. And others we knew every astronaut by name, we made them heroes. Employee Motivation Checklist - Ten Measures of Success In the form of a simple easy to use checklist, you can score how well you are doing out of 10. Better still, ask them. Is Failure the End of Everything? "The important thing is to learn a lesson every time you lose." --John McEnroeMuch as we would like, not everything is going to go our way. Five Great Ideas From Aristotle It was Socrates who said that the purpose of philosophy is to help each of us become "an excellent human". That seems like a respectable and reasonable big-picture goal for every person on the planet.
|
Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved. 
|
