Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

Hurry Up And Procrastinate


I've been meaning to write this column, but I keep putting it off. There always seems to be something better or more important or easier to write about.

Everybody is rushing to enter the contest to find America's Biggest Procrastinator ( http://www.AmericasBiggestProcrastinator.com ). As an expert in the field, I will help you win the contest. Even if you are not American, just tell them you you've been meaning to immigrate. That should actually win you some bonus points.

America is just teeming with procrastinators. Some delay important surgery. Some people hold off on taking courses or changing jobs. Others delay household chores. Americans delay cleaning up and filing. They put off buying a car, washing the car, selling the car, and even learning to drive the car. Some even hold off on getting born (That was me. Sorry Mom.).

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. And many Americans have even eliminated that pesky last minute. Dr. Duit Later explains, "It's a lifestyle choice. A professional procrastinator delays walking the dog until the last minute. By then he is busy holding off the lawn mowing. He'll never get to the mowing, even in the last minute, because he spends that last minute not cleaning up after the dog. With so much to delay, the last minute never arrives."

One contestant bought over $15,000.00 of software in the past two years "to help me with my computer,80% of it is still unopened and or unused." It might help if he started by removing the computer from its packaging.

Another contestant describes how "we go to our Wal-Mart bags to find what we need because we never put them away." I laughed at that one. I thought that was pretty funny. Ha ha ha. My wife was not laughing. She pointed to the Costco boxes piled high beside the door. "But those aren't Wal-Mart bags," I protested with all the conviction of a soggy noodle.

My wife opened the fridge door. "We have soggy noodles. And soggy buns. And soggy apples. We have a soggy collection. Think it might be time to clean the fridge?" Sigh. Master procrastinators are rarely appreciated.

Procrastination has some interesting side effects. A professional procrastinator always marvels at how clean the restrooms are at service stations.

A true procrastinator never gets his Christmas tree up before Christmas. Unless it's still there from last year, of course.

A skilled procrastinator always reads her mail - but only after the postman comes up to her apartment to complain. One contestant finally emptied her mailbox to find mail from six months earlier.

A determined procrastinator goes several years without pouring his own bathwater or putting out his own garbage. After a while, the community gets involved.

No true procrastinator shovels snow. The snow will hopefully melt in a few months.

Even with talented contestants, you can win this contest if you don't try hard enough.

I thought about entering the contest myself. I delayed college graduation by several years. I have a dozen jigsaw puzzles still sealed in their boxes. We have two chandeliers to put up...someday. The baby probably needs a diaper change. Again. Or still.

I was just about to enter the contest, when I came up with an ingenious way to disqualify myself. I offered to put up part of the second prize, a copy of my book Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness.

http://thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html .

With me out of the race, this might finally be the contest you can win. You see, I know a little secret about all the contestants - a fatal flaw that makes every one of them vulnerable. Nobody can legitimately win this year's contest ...unless they enter next year.

Technical notes: To make this column on procrastination authentic, I attempted to withhold it. But my agent gave me "The Frown". If you ever saw The Frown, your boots would still be trembling.

So I decided to submit the column uncompleted. Surely that qualifies as procrastination. But this time my agent gave me "The Double Frown". That sent shivers down through my toenails.

I considered sending my column in one word at a time, with each letter cut from a newspaper or magazine like a painfully long ransom note. But my agent told me about her emergency "death ray" frown, so I gave up.

But wait! You can make this true procrastination by not reading any more until next year. Stop reading. If you are still reading, you are failing to procrastinate. Stop now. If you are not reading this sentence, congratulations - you are a champion procrastinator.

About The Author

David Leonhardt writes the Happy Guy humor column: http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html

and A Daily Dose of Happiness: http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html.

He also wrote Inspiration & Motivation To Go: http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php

and The Get Happy Workbook: http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-workbook.html

Info@thehappyguy.com


MORE RESOURCES:

Focus News

Project on enhancing integrity, motivation of Bulgarian prosecutors presented ...
Focus News
Sofia. A project themed 'Enhancing the Integrity and Motivation of the Prosecutors. Criminal Prosecution in the Context of the New Challenges Connected with Organised Crime' was officially presented at the Conference Hall of the Courts of Justice in ...
Bulgaria, Switzerland to Cooperate on Raising Motivation of ProsecutorsNovinite.com

all 6 news articles »


ExxonMobil Adds Protections For LGBT Employees, But Advocates Skeptical Of ...
Huffington Post
After years of criticism and mounting pressure, ExxonMobil has finally added workplace discrimination protections for its lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) employees. As The Washington Blade's Chris Johnson reports, company spokesperson ...

and more »


The Providence Journal

Patriots and Seahawks derive motivation β€” and success β€” from late in the draft
The Providence Journal
CHANDLER, Ariz. β€” Doug Baldwin didn't hesitate. Neither did Richard Sherman or Bobby Wagner or Julian Edelman. β€œIt would be easy for me to say I'm over it,” Seattle's leading receiver said of being bypassed in the NFL Draft, β€œbut the truth of the ...
Seattle Seahawks wide receiver Jermaine Kearse celebrates wide receiver ...KGMI
Super Bowl is filled with mid- and late-round draft picksNorwich Bulletin

all 72 news articles »


Yourstory.in

Orobind, a personal fitness coach for those who need motivation
Yourstory.in
You can set your weight loss goals, earn rewards as you progress towards your goals and monitor your progress discussing it continuously either with their in-house coaches/motivation experts or your personal coach. You also get unlimited access to ...



The Science Behind Motivation
Forbes
Being motivated is a key part of being successful as an entrepreneur, and as such, it's a subject that's always fascinated me. Motivation comes from vision, goal setting, and celebrating small successes, but there's more to it – there's actually a ...



South Wales Evening Post

Excessive internet use reduces study motivation claims Swansea professor Phil ...
South Wales Evening Post
The survey also involved an internet addiction test and a study motivation assessment. Other factors taken into account were the known correlation of excessive internet use and higher levels of depression, loneliness and social isolation. "Students who ...



Comicbook.com

Quicksilver & Scarlet Witch Motivation In Avengers: Age Of Ultron Revealed
Comicbook.com
movies-avengers-age-of-ultron-quicksilver-scarlett-witch It seems nobody gets along with Iron Man for long in Avengers: Age of Ultron. Spinning out of the same set visit report that revealed some of the groundwork being laid for Captain America: Civil ...

and more »


Nation News

Motivation takes dance prize
Nation News
Motivation Dancer's theme was Dancing Army and complete with rifles they presented drill movements and precision dance steps. The big ending had the crowd screaming for about two minutes when a coffin was brought on stage. Out of it a man was trying to ...



Men's Fitness

Spiritual Motivation from Deepak Chopra
Men's Fitness
Best Stress-Busting Foods Eat your way calm by putting these superfoods on your plate. I recently had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet spiritual guide, alternative medicine expert, and bestselling author Deepak Chopra in New York City for a ...

and more »


USCHO

After low point in Omaha, Denver finds the motivation to rebound
USCHO
β€œI think we used that the sweep at Omaha as motivation to get better in certain areas that didn't allow us to have success there,” said Montgomery. β€œI think that we've done that and have become a harder team to play against.” One change has been in net.


Google News


Advertisement



Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.