Bookmark Website  | Free Registration  | The Team
The Lounge  | Champions  | The Wire |  Schedule |  Audio  |  Arcade  |  The Top Ten  |  Historical  |  Email  |  Video

Hurry Up And Procrastinate

I've been meaning to write this column, but I keep putting it off. There always seems to be something better or more important or easier to write about.

Everybody is rushing to enter the contest to find America's Biggest Procrastinator ( ). As an expert in the field, I will help you win the contest. Even if you are not American, just tell them you you've been meaning to immigrate. That should actually win you some bonus points.

America is just teeming with procrastinators. Some delay important surgery. Some people hold off on taking courses or changing jobs. Others delay household chores. Americans delay cleaning up and filing. They put off buying a car, washing the car, selling the car, and even learning to drive the car. Some even hold off on getting born (That was me. Sorry Mom.).

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. And many Americans have even eliminated that pesky last minute. Dr. Duit Later explains, "It's a lifestyle choice. A professional procrastinator delays walking the dog until the last minute. By then he is busy holding off the lawn mowing. He'll never get to the mowing, even in the last minute, because he spends that last minute not cleaning up after the dog. With so much to delay, the last minute never arrives."

One contestant bought over $15,000.00 of software in the past two years "to help me with my computer,80% of it is still unopened and or unused." It might help if he started by removing the computer from its packaging.

Another contestant describes how "we go to our Wal-Mart bags to find what we need because we never put them away." I laughed at that one. I thought that was pretty funny. Ha ha ha. My wife was not laughing. She pointed to the Costco boxes piled high beside the door. "But those aren't Wal-Mart bags," I protested with all the conviction of a soggy noodle.

My wife opened the fridge door. "We have soggy noodles. And soggy buns. And soggy apples. We have a soggy collection. Think it might be time to clean the fridge?" Sigh. Master procrastinators are rarely appreciated.

Procrastination has some interesting side effects. A professional procrastinator always marvels at how clean the restrooms are at service stations.

A true procrastinator never gets his Christmas tree up before Christmas. Unless it's still there from last year, of course.

A skilled procrastinator always reads her mail - but only after the postman comes up to her apartment to complain. One contestant finally emptied her mailbox to find mail from six months earlier.

A determined procrastinator goes several years without pouring his own bathwater or putting out his own garbage. After a while, the community gets involved.

No true procrastinator shovels snow. The snow will hopefully melt in a few months.

Even with talented contestants, you can win this contest if you don't try hard enough.

I thought about entering the contest myself. I delayed college graduation by several years. I have a dozen jigsaw puzzles still sealed in their boxes. We have two chandeliers to put up...someday. The baby probably needs a diaper change. Again. Or still.

I was just about to enter the contest, when I came up with an ingenious way to disqualify myself. I offered to put up part of the second prize, a copy of my book Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness. .

With me out of the race, this might finally be the contest you can win. You see, I know a little secret about all the contestants - a fatal flaw that makes every one of them vulnerable. Nobody can legitimately win this year's contest ...unless they enter next year.

Technical notes: To make this column on procrastination authentic, I attempted to withhold it. But my agent gave me "The Frown". If you ever saw The Frown, your boots would still be trembling.

So I decided to submit the column uncompleted. Surely that qualifies as procrastination. But this time my agent gave me "The Double Frown". That sent shivers down through my toenails.

I considered sending my column in one word at a time, with each letter cut from a newspaper or magazine like a painfully long ransom note. But my agent told me about her emergency "death ray" frown, so I gave up.

But wait! You can make this true procrastination by not reading any more until next year. Stop reading. If you are still reading, you are failing to procrastinate. Stop now. If you are not reading this sentence, congratulations - you are a champion procrastinator.

About The Author

David Leonhardt writes the Happy Guy humor column:

and A Daily Dose of Happiness:

He also wrote Inspiration & Motivation To Go:

and The Get Happy Workbook:


Harvard Business Review

How Company Culture Shapes Employee Motivation
Harvard Business Review
In a recent strategy meeting we attended with the leaders of a Fortune-500 company, the word “culture” came up 27 times in 90 minutes. Business leaders believe a strong organizational culture is critical to success, yet culture tends to feel like some ...

Bleacher Report

Alabama's Extra Motivation to Beat Auburn in 2015 Iron Bowl
Bleacher Report
Think every Alabama locker might have a copy of this photo in it before Saturday's game? 6.2K. Reads. 37. Comments. TUSCALOOSA, Ala. — It was a play that no one watching will ever forget, now simply known as the “Kick Six.” After a replay review of ...
Gus Malzahn's preseason jab all the motivation Alabama's defense needsESPN (blog)

all 484 news articles »

Dallas Morning News

Texas Tech prediction: Final home showcase dominates motivation, fuels Texas ...
Dallas Morning News
Texas Tech during the first half/ second half of an NCAA college football game, Saturday, Nov. 7, 2015, in Morgantown, W.Va. (AP Photo/Raymond Thompson). By Mike DuPont Follow @MikeDuPont_ Special Contributor.

and more »


Boosting Employee Motivation With Gratitude
When we talk about ways to foster gratitude and motivation in the workplace, we'll often talk about manners. And these go beyond saying please and thank you. Manners are nothing more or less than how we treat the people around us — whether or not we ...

Cumberland Valley's Felix Belga finds senior motivation in disappointing end ...
The good news is that he grew from the experience and has plenty of motivation heading into his senior campaign with the Eagles. “I was cutting a lot of weight to begin with,” Belga said. “The way I look at it … it's just like any other part of the ...

Irish Times

The Grit Doctor: Don't let your motivation to exercise run out of steam
Irish Times
However, there is a flaw in relying on external factors, temporary “reasons” or events for helping to motivate us to commit to our exercise/diet/lifestyle regimes. When the perceived problem is dealt with – the weight reached, the blood pressure down ...

Boston Herald

Victim's pal could show motivation by Philip Chism
Boston Herald
Victim's pal could show motivation by Philip Chism. Judge will decide if jury will hear story. Laurel J. Sweet Tuesday, November 24, 2015. Photo by: Herald Pool. EERIE MOMENT: The video frame, left, presented in court yesterday, shows Philip Chism in a ...

and more »

Medical Xpress

New theory integrates dopamine's role in learning, motivation
Medical Xpress
"We provide a new theoretical account for how dopamine affects learning (what to do later) and motivation (getting fired up to go now) simultaneously," said study lead author Hamid, U-M neuroscience doctoral student. For many years, researchers have ...

and more »


Games as motivation: What can teachers learn from game design?
Motivation, in particular, has been an area where using game elements has paid off. “Games are all about motivation. There is a huge load of work put into every game released. I tried to achieve external motivation and clarity through my four game ...

Lexington Herald Leader

Kentucky's Lewis on the mend with bowl game, NFL as motivation
Lexington Herald Leader
“And even now, I've noticed him more in the background, not as much of a vocal, out front leader, more in the back, patting guys on the back, getting them motivated, so it's been good to see.” Getting back with the team has been good for Lewis, too ...

and more »

Google News


Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us

Copyright LLC. All rights reserved.