|The Lounge | Champions | The Wire | Schedule | Audio | Arcade | The Top Ten | Historical | Email | Video|
Hurry Up And Procrastinate
I've been meaning to write this column, but I keep putting it off. There always seems to be something better or more important or easier to write about.
Everybody is rushing to enter the contest to find America's Biggest Procrastinator ( http://www.AmericasBiggestProcrastinator.com ). As an expert in the field, I will help you win the contest. Even if you are not American, just tell them you you've been meaning to immigrate. That should actually win you some bonus points.
America is just teeming with procrastinators. Some delay important surgery. Some people hold off on taking courses or changing jobs. Others delay household chores. Americans delay cleaning up and filing. They put off buying a car, washing the car, selling the car, and even learning to drive the car. Some even hold off on getting born (That was me. Sorry Mom.).
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. And many Americans have even eliminated that pesky last minute. Dr. Duit Later explains, "It's a lifestyle choice. A professional procrastinator delays walking the dog until the last minute. By then he is busy holding off the lawn mowing. He'll never get to the mowing, even in the last minute, because he spends that last minute not cleaning up after the dog. With so much to delay, the last minute never arrives."
One contestant bought over $15,000.00 of software in the past two years "to help me with my computer,80% of it is still unopened and or unused." It might help if he started by removing the computer from its packaging.
Another contestant describes how "we go to our Wal-Mart bags to find what we need because we never put them away." I laughed at that one. I thought that was pretty funny. Ha ha ha. My wife was not laughing. She pointed to the Costco boxes piled high beside the door. "But those aren't Wal-Mart bags," I protested with all the conviction of a soggy noodle.
My wife opened the fridge door. "We have soggy noodles. And soggy buns. And soggy apples. We have a soggy collection. Think it might be time to clean the fridge?" Sigh. Master procrastinators are rarely appreciated.
Procrastination has some interesting side effects. A professional procrastinator always marvels at how clean the restrooms are at service stations.
A true procrastinator never gets his Christmas tree up before Christmas. Unless it's still there from last year, of course.
A skilled procrastinator always reads her mail - but only after the postman comes up to her apartment to complain. One contestant finally emptied her mailbox to find mail from six months earlier.
A determined procrastinator goes several years without pouring his own bathwater or putting out his own garbage. After a while, the community gets involved.
No true procrastinator shovels snow. The snow will hopefully melt in a few months.
Even with talented contestants, you can win this contest if you don't try hard enough.
I thought about entering the contest myself. I delayed college graduation by several years. I have a dozen jigsaw puzzles still sealed in their boxes. We have two chandeliers to put up...someday. The baby probably needs a diaper change. Again. Or still.
I was just about to enter the contest, when I came up with an ingenious way to disqualify myself. I offered to put up part of the second prize, a copy of my book Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness.
With me out of the race, this might finally be the contest you can win. You see, I know a little secret about all the contestants - a fatal flaw that makes every one of them vulnerable. Nobody can legitimately win this year's contest ...unless they enter next year.
Technical notes: To make this column on procrastination authentic, I attempted to withhold it. But my agent gave me "The Frown". If you ever saw The Frown, your boots would still be trembling.
So I decided to submit the column uncompleted. Surely that qualifies as procrastination. But this time my agent gave me "The Double Frown". That sent shivers down through my toenails.
I considered sending my column in one word at a time, with each letter cut from a newspaper or magazine like a painfully long ransom note. But my agent told me about her emergency "death ray" frown, so I gave up.
But wait! You can make this true procrastination by not reading any more until next year. Stop reading. If you are still reading, you are failing to procrastinate. Stop now. If you are not reading this sentence, congratulations - you are a champion procrastinator.
About The Author
David Leonhardt writes the Happy Guy humor column: http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
and A Daily Dose of Happiness: http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html.
He also wrote Inspiration & Motivation To Go: http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php
and The Get Happy Workbook: http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-workbook.html
Why self-motivation is key to career stability - The Standard Digital News (satire) (press release) (registration) (blog)
Frostburg State men's lacrosse gets dual motivation vs. Mary Washington in CAC ... - Baltimore Sun (blog)
Just Do It!
If you run a business like I do, you probably have limited time to do all the things you need to do each day. In order to make sure I get to exercise each day, I have to get up BEFORE the chickens do - between 4:30 AM and 5AM.
Beginnings Arent As Complicated As They Seem
Beginnings are seldom as complicated as they seem. You know what I mean by "complicated - the dates and the duties and the things-to-be-remembered, the stuff that piles onto your plate with a new project or obligation.
Do you ever postpone things, or just forget about them for a while, or tell yourself, "I'll get to that later?" Do you sometimes feel guilty about it? Well, it's true that procrastination can be a bad habit, but there are times when it can be useful.Procrastination When You Are UnsureSometimes procrastinating makes sense if you aren't sure you should be doing something.
Power Of The Mind
THOUGHTSJames Allen in his Book "As a Man Thinketh"says Mind is the Master power that moulds and makes, and man is mind and evermore he takes , The tool of thought, and shaping what he wills, brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills. He thinks in secret and it comes to pass.
Creativity and Innovation Management - the Value of Challenge
Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation whilst innovation can be defined as idea selection, development and commercialisation.There are other useful definitions in this field, for example, creativity can be defined as consisting of a number of ideas, a number of diverse ideas and a number of novel ideas.
Are You a Self-Saboteur?
Take this questionnaire to get clear on what you may be doing to undermine your own success and happiness in life. An explanation of your score awaits at the end.
How To Beat Procrastination At Work
Listen. If you don´t beat procrastination at work the long term consequences could be serious.
Keep Motivated To Succeed Online!
Starting and managing a business takes motivation and talent. It also takes research and planning.
How are things going for you? Are you sitting on top of the world or at the bottom of a pile of problems? Were you born with a silver spoon in your mouth or raised on the wrong side of the tracks? Do you say that life dealt you a bad hand? Know what? You are in good company. Everyone has their share of troubles.
If we want to fill our heads with the doom and gloom society seems to thrive on, all we need to do is turn on the local news at night. To make that quantum leap toward personal happiness and success in life, sometimes we just need to do what so many people seem to be talking about lately: "clean house" and take personal inventory of the people we associate with most.
MY FOUR-MINUTE DANCING CAREERA few years ago, I decided to pursue my dream of being a dancer. I was 37 years old and being a dancer was on my list of things to do before I die, so I thought I'd better get cracking before osteoporosis or some other age-related malady took hold of my body.
Stop Squeaking! Align Yourself for Business Success!
Even for a remarkable business owner like you, from time to time, you may still loose motivation in continuing the expansion of a service or product line. At time, you may seem to have a hard time figuring out why this once fantastic business that got you so excited every morning is making you feel like a heavy weight now.
Turn your Dreaming into Doing
The first of January and September, as well as our birthdays seem to be the times in a year when we focus on the gulf between where we are and where we would like to be. By now, many of you have already given up your New Years Resolutions and settled back into the comfortable routine of last year.
What is Your Challenge
January is almost over.Why do most New Year's Resolutions fail?By now, many New Years resolutions would be thrown out,forgotten, shrugged off.
Who Do You Need To Become To Make It Happen For You?
'We cannot become what we need to be remaining what we are.' -Max DupreeYear after year, month after month, day after day, you have hoped for change.
Moving Beyond Your Comfort Zone
Many professionals have attained a high level of competence in their particular fields. They have learned a lot in their careers and they have a good sense of what works and what doesn't.
Chasing Your Dreams!
Friends, it is always a power of your dreams and a motive to move ahead, which is required to move ahead and to be successful in life. Does it sound, impractical; let me share with you, something practical and real.
L-I-V-E-- 12 Steps to Living Your Life
Many of us only inhabit our lives- we do not Live our lives. But, we can.
How to Tune In Your Brain and Feel Motivated in Minutes
Want to know how to run your brain and be more motivated?Let me tell you a true story..
Top 10 Tips For The Best Year of Your Life!
We typically think of New Year's as the time to make annual resolutions and start fresh. Unfortunately, we all know that most resolutions are quickly forgotten.
Section Site Map - Submit News - Feedback - Comments - Advertise with Us
Copyright © 2006 Luminati Inc. All rights reserved.